Crema's & Viñedo's
by chuuyass
Summary: Atsushi works as a barista with Dazai, Ranpo, and Junichiro. Chuuya owns a wine shop just down the street. Chuuya is Dazai's ex. Dazai is also Atsushi's roommate and one day he leaves on one of his 'adventures' as he calls them. He doesn't come back for a while, and this causes a whole chain of events to ensue including Atsushi being an angsty little mess and a blossoming romance.
1. Chapter 1

"Dazai-san?!" I awoke with a start and shot straight up in bed. Looking around I wonder why I'm so shocked, why am I so confused? What's going on? Then I remember and groan.

I make my way out of bed and head to the kitchen where I find his stupid note on the fridge, even his writing looks smug.

 _"_ _Atsushi-kun! I'm going on an adventure._

 _I will be back in a few days, don't miss me too much!_

 _Dazai."_

I groan again. It's been 3 days since I woke up and found that note. He's done this before, just up and left, but not for this long. I'm getting slightly worried but I don't really want to admit it. Every time I get worried he ends up coming back with some grand story and makes me feel stupid for even worrying in the first place. But I guess I can't help myself.

Slightly annoyed, I get ready quick and head to work. I'm a barista at a shop called Crema's with Dazai as well as two of our other friends from college. We're almost known around town and it's embarrassing to say the least. Customers come to our shop because 'it's where the cute college boys work', I cringe at this while Dazai just smirks and makes the most tips out of all of us with his charm.

I'm the one opening the shop today, so when I arrive it's completely empty. It's such a weird feeling being here when there's no one but I take advantage of the calm while it lasts, which isn't long. Within 5 minutes I hear something falling in the back-store room so I run as fast as I can to check out the commotion. I sigh when I arrive on the scene of fallen boxes and persons.

"Good morning Ranpo-san," I say as I offer a hand to help him up. He takes my hand with a smile and jumps to his feet, "Atsushi-kun, good morning."

"I see you're on the opening shift, did you sleep?"

"What do you think? I don't do mornings, why am I always put on mornings. I specifically ask for afternoons and this is what I get. I receive no respect here," I laugh as he rambles and we both head to get changed and set up shop.

Ranpo is the oldest of our little coffee shop quartet and he definitely thinks he deserves the title of seniority to say the least. Although he is brilliant, he cannot do simple tasks. We wonder how he is still employed here considering the man can't even brew the coffee and this is a coffee shop but the answer is simple; he brings in the most customers with his awkward charm, though Dazai won't admit that, and he's great with numbers and technicality. He practically works as the accountant for the place and a barista on the side, and the boss loves it because he gets one employee for two jobs at one rate. We still don't know why Ranpo works for as little as he does, or why he works here at all considering he's graduated college, but we just don't ask anymore.

When it's Ranpo and I opening, I do pretty much everything so it's a good thing I got here earlier than usual. I start brewing different flavours of coffee while Ranpo cleans up the place. Once it's time to open he opens the doors and greets customers with his well-known smile and a snide remark, making them all blush. It takes everything within me to not roll my eyes. I don't know how people find his blunt remarks charming but they do.

The morning goes quickly and it isn't long before the afternoon staff comes in, though we are one short due to Dazai's truancy. I'm in the middle of making a latte when Junichiro joins me and I am beyond thankful because the afternoon rush has started.

"Hey Atsushi, how's business today? Look's busy," he asks as he starts taking orders. I survey the shop and agree that it is busy. Ranpo is slouched in a chair by the door greeting customers and I scoff. "It wouldn't be so bad if someone would actually work around here."

"Yeah, no kidding, what is he good for," Junichiro states rather than questions with a smirk.

"I heard that!" Ranpo yells from across the shop, "and I'll have you know I'm good for a lot of things! I provide the brilliance and good looks that this shop needs."

"Well -and-Good-Looks, come over here and serve orders like you were hired for," I yell back and he sticks his tongue out but actually does like I ask. I am surprised. A group of girls sitting at a booth nearby laugh and wink at me. I almost choke as I blush in response.

Once the rush calms down I take a moment to breathe.

"So, have you heard from Dazai-san?" Junichiro asks with a worried expression. He worries too much for his own good, I try to tell him not to but he can't help it. He's a caring guy.

"Nope, I'm sure he's fine though."

"I hope so. I'm worried that one of these days one of his suicide attempts will actually be successful." This thought makes me a bit anxious, I hadn't really thought about it before. Dazai has a bit of an obsession with suicide, maybe more than a bit if I'm being honest. He tends to attempt suicide frequently, and on his little 'adventures' as he calls them in the past he has tried it. Thankfully he always comes home but then I have to deal with him sulking for the next while and I'm a nervous wreck until I know he won't try anything again any time soon.

"I really hope not," I say quietly.

"You guys, he's fine. I would know if he wasn't," Ranpo states with a wink as he comes up to grab a tray.

"He's right, but still. I can't help but worry," Junichiro says and I nod, trying to agree and stay positive. "Maybe we should see if Chuuya-san has heard from him."

My heart races when his name is brought up and I try as hard as I can to stop the blush I feel rushing to my cheeks. Chuuya is Dazai's ex, though they still talk it isn't because they get along per say. They have a really dynamic relationship, they hate each other but I'm not sure how strong that hate really is. They still talk because Chuuya's shop, Viñedo's, is right down the strip from ours and Dazai likes to go over and drive him crazy. I almost feel bad for him.

"Yeah maybe," I practically stutter out, "if he isn't back in a day or two we will."

"Sounds like a plan," he replies with a smile that looks slightly forced, he's worried like I am, but I'm thankful he's talking instead of me trying to. "Hey, wanna hangout tonight? Your place must be pretty quiet with Dazai gone."

"Sure! When are you done?"

"Not until 9, I have to close. But you open with me tomorrow right? Wanna just stay over and we'll head in together?" I agree to the invitation and we continue our work shift which seems to drag on forever.

By the time 5 o'clock rolls around I couldn't be more thankful to be free. Normally I love my job but today I feel so distracted I just want to get out of there and try not to think for a little while. Just as I'm getting ready to leave though I realize Junichiro is going to be left alone since Dazai isn't here, I can't just leave him for the last 4 hours.

"Hey, are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?" I ask concerned and just as he's about to answer Ranpo jumps into our conversation.

"Actually, I'm staying late. Bosses orders, he wants me to update the computer systems. But if dear Juju here needs any help I will assist," he says as he hugs Junichiro's chest from behind, giving him a heart attack and eliciting giggles from the girls sitting at a table nearby. I internally facepalm.

"Okay, if you need anything just text me. I don't live far," I offer with a smile that Junichiro returns. Although I offered to help if needed, I pray I don't receive a text so I don't have to come back, I really need a break from this place even if it is only a night.

I get changed and pack up my things quickly, I always have to run after work to catch my bus home. They are scheduled horribly, if I miss this one I have to wait 45 minutes for the next and that is the last thing I want to do. So, sprinting out of the shop I almost fall flat on my face but am caught in midair… by nothing. As I float, I look up and almost choke when I see Chuuya standing in front of his shop, leaning against the wall and looking as smug as ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Chuuya is leaning against the wall of the shop, eyes straight ahead with one hand out in my direction. Dazai said he could control gravity but I had never gotten to see it, I guess now was my opportunity. His eyes shift to me and his smirk increases and I can't stop my blush no matter what.

"You should watch your step kid," he says as he flicks his wrist, making me stand flat on my feet again.

"Yeah-ah, thanks for uh, catching me?" I stutter out.

"No problem, didn't want to see you get hurt," he says with a wink and a laugh that makes his ginger toned hair bounce slightly on his shoulder, I try not to notice but it only makes me blush more. I adjust my bag on my shoulder and walk towards him. He's a bit shorter than me, but nonetheless intimidating. I feel like his eyes burn a hole right through me, those cool blue eyes…

"You um, haven't heard where Dazai-san could be have you?" I ask quickly before my mind trails off completely and I chicken out. Chuuya's face visibly changes from amused to annoyed in a split second as soon as the question leaves my mouth.

"Why the hell would I have any clue where that idiot is? If anything, he's probably dead in a river somewhere," he spits out and sounds almost angry. I instantly regret bringing up Dazai.

"Oh, I just… he's been missing for 3 days. I just wanted to see if you've heard anything…" I stammer. I can't speak properly around this man and I internally groan. Chuuya notices my worry and his expression softens, but only slightly.

"Sorry, he just really pisses me off. I know he's your roommate. If I hear anything I'll keep you posted," Chuuya says in a softer voice and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. My whole body stiffens and I think I'm going to pass out just from the touch, his hands are so small… I need to get out of this situation. With an awkward laugh, I step away from his touch. He looks confused but his amused expression is back.

"I uh, gotta go. I need to catch my bus. If I miss it the next one doesn't come for 45 minutes, so I need this bus. Bye," I ramble as I take off towards the bus stop, not giving Chuuya anytime to react but I hear him yell out, "See you soon, Atsushi-kun!"

I think I almost faceplanted again from his promise.

I make it to the bus stop just as the bus is pulling away. Great. I sigh and sit down on the bench at the bus shelter, rest my head back, and close my eyes. My heart is beating a mile a minute, from running full tilt to the stupid bus stop and also from Chuuya. I can't stop thinking about what just happened, I am completely flustered by the whole situation and I can't stop thinking about how perfectly his hair colour compliments the deep blue of his eyes. As my inner dialogue keeps rambling a car horn pulls me back to reality and I jump as I sit up.

"Did you miss the bus again?" the voice inside calls out and I smile. "Want a lift?"

"Definitely," I say as I accept the ride. I get in and am instantly squeezed into a hug which I gladly return.

"Atsushi, it has been ages! How are you? Hope you're staying healthy," Yosano says with a smirk and I quickly nod. Yosano was my babysitter growing up, even though she isn't that much older than me, but we became really good friends over the years. She's always taken care of me and helped me anytime I needed anything, and she couldn't have come at a better time. Like usual, she's always there when I need her.

"I ah- actually I have a lot going on. Have time to hangout for a bit?"

"Anything for you, Atsushi!" she says with a smile and we head back towards my apartment.

"Atsushi-kun! What the hell, Dazai is missing? And you like Chuuya? You can't like him are you crazy? Dazai will have a fit, even more so than he normally does," Yosano says after I tell her everything that happened. My face is firmly rested in my hands, my elbows on my knees. I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest any minute.

"Well he's not missing… he just hasn't been home for a few days. And I know okay. I haven't told anyone, you're the only one. What am I going to do about this? Chuuya must know I like him! Doesn't he?"

"Huh, that's Dazai for you," she says with a shrug of her shoulders then continues, "But, by the sounds of it he might know. He did kinda-sorta flirt with you."

"Oh, come on!" I literally groan and shove the palms of my hands into my eyes. "I'm not going to survive this. I can never talk to him again. This can't go any further."

"Ohh Atsushi-kun you're so dramatic. You work just down the street from him, you're bound to see him again. Just play it cool," she says and I look at her, she instantly starts laughing. "Yeah, that might be hard. You've never been very 'cool'."

"Thanks for reminding me. Why can't I be like Dazai-san, or even Ranpo-san? I'm so lame and awkward…" I trail off and my thoughts start wandering. I don't mean to sound so desperate but I am. I've always been the weird kid, I've never liked myself. So, what makes me think that Chuuya could possibly be interested in me? Who am I kidding. I laugh to myself before I realize that I'm not alone.

"Atsushi, you don't want to be like them. Trust me. They're cute and all but boy do they have some issues… Just be you, you're kind and smart and downright adorable. Don't be so hard on yourself," Yosano says and I actually smile. She's smiling back, this is the reason I have kept her in my life all these years.

"Thanks, Yosano… but adorable? Really?" I say and we both start laughing. The laughter feels nice, it lets my shoulders relax and I can forget about what's going on. Even if it's just for a short moment. But before I can forget everything, I suddenly remember where I'm supposed to be. "Damn! I'm supposed to meet Junichiro at work when he closes! Want to give me another lift?"

"Anything for you, Atsushi," she repeats herself from earlier and gives me a wink.


	3. Chapter 3

Yosano dropped me off at Crema's to meet Junichiro 5 minutes before closing. Perfect timing. I thought about heading inside to meet up with him but figured waiting outside would be just as easy, and it was a nice night. I didn't mind waiting out front for him. The cool air felt nice and refreshing, it was just what I needed.

There are a few tables set up out front so I grab a seat for myself to wait. It feels really odd sitting like a customer at the place I work at, it's a strange change in roles. A much-appreciated change. I need to do this more often, come here as a customer. I'm so focused on work and school when I'm not on break that I never think to just relax. I need to do that more as well, just relax.

I'm so deep in my thoughts I don't even realize someone is approaching me until they sit down adjacent to me, but when I realize my breathing stops instantly.

"Hello Atsushi, nice night. I didn't expect to see you again so soon," Chuuya says with a wink and I blush furiously despite my best efforts.

"Chuuya-san, hi! Yeah uh-, just waiting for a friend," I stammer. Why am I like this, I wish I could just talk like a proper human being. I internally facepalm. Chuuya is leant back in his chair, arms crossed on his chest as he watches me, eyes a deep shade of blue in the dim lighting from the street. He doesn't say anything for some time, just watches me. I feel like I'm being scrutinized but I really have no idea what to say so I decide this is a great time to find my hands really amusing.

"You're interesting Atsushi," is all he says and my heart stops. I meet his gaze and his expression is unreadable, my jaw drops slightly. The blush that never left my cheeks only intensifies as we stare at each other and I feel my chest tighten. I've only seen Chuuya a handful of times but he has never looked so soft, his features don't look as harsh as they usually do. His eyes are gentler, his jaw slacker. Maybe it's because Dazai isn't around so Chuuya isn't so tense, but he feels different somehow. Before I can question what this means any further, he quickly stands up and begins to walk down the street. He stops a few steps away and half turns around to face me.

"I ah- have to go. Enjoy your night Atsushi-kun. I'll see you around," he says with a soft smile then turns to continue on his route. I want to stop him, call him back and have him sit with me for just a little bit longer but my throat is completely dry. My mind feels cloudy and I don't think I could form a sentence if my life depended on it, not to mention I am definitely not bold enough to call out to him. I watch as he continues down the street until he turns a corner. Once he's out of sight I actually feel sad, my chest feels almost heavy. Why am I reacting like this, I barely know him. I've interreacted with him a handful of times, I shouldn't be feeling this way. This feeling doesn't last too long though thankfully because within minutes Junichiro is exiting the front of the shop and locking up.

"Atsushi! I hope you didn't wait too long, closing was horrible," he says glumly as he slings his bag over his slim shoulders. "Have you eaten? Wanna get takeout? I'm starving."

We end up getting a ton of food from a little takeout place that's just around the corner from Junichiro's apartment, and since his apartment building doesn't have an elevator we have to hike up 5 flights of stairs. By the time we make it to his door I feel like I'm going to faint. He doesn't even have to reach to open the door because it flings open so abruptly I almost fall over from the shock.

"I missed you so much!" she screams and nearly knocks Junichiro over with the force of the hug she captures him in.

"Naomi, hello. You remember Atsushi, he's staying over," he replies quickly and they both look over to me, I give her a warm smile despite my shock at the situation. Naomi stares at me for a second then gives me a big smile and a wave.

"Of course I remember him, hello! I'm Junichiro's sister Naomi in case you don't remember me. Please come in," she says with her bubbly tone and drags Junichiro into the apartment while I follow suit.

The three of us eat as much as we can while some random movie plays in the background and I try to not think about the events of the day. We chat about everything and anything but every now and then my eyes wander to the movie. Every time a character on the screen with blue eyes shows up or someone gives a flirtatious wink I can't help but let my thoughts wander. Of course it's a romance movie that happens to be on. I haven't felt so distracted in my whole life, I feel like I'm not even in the present. I'm just an over-thinking mess of emotions, which Naomi apparently notices.

"Hey Atsushi are you okay? You look like you're dreaming while you're awake," she says from her current seat on her brother's lap. I stare at them for a second and almost laugh, they have a very interesting bond by the looks of it. I smile the best I can.

"I'm fine, just lost in thought. Sorry."

"I don't mean to pry but, you just look so down I can't help but to worry. Are you really okay? If you want you can tell me, I'd love to help if I can," she says eagerly but she's so genuine I feel like I could tell her anything. Though, if she's anything like her brother that wouldn't be surprising.

"Yeah, you do seem out of it. Did something happen today? Oh, have you heard from Dazai?" Junichiro asks with a worried expression, I do not need this boy to worry more than he does. Naomi wraps he arms around his shoulders and cuddles into him for support.

"Ah no, I haven't. I did talk to Chuuya like we mentioned earlier though," I say quietly and the whole mood in the room shifts. Junichiro's eyes go wide and Naomi squeals and jumps forward in excitement, causing me to almost fall over.

"You like him! Don't you? I can tell, look at you. It's written all over your face! Who is he, what does he look like?!" she practically screams and I feel like I'm going to die from embarrassment, I am now a blushing mess. Junichiro looks at me, eyes even wider than I thought possible and looks about as shocked as I feel embarrassed.

"You what? Woah, slow down. What happened today?" he asks and I know I'm cornered at this point so I tell the both of them everything that happened today; about running into him after work then the incident that happened most recently. Once I've concluded my ramblings the siblings both sit there quietly, wide eyed and open mouthed. The silence doesn't last long though.

"Ohhh that's so romantic! He totally likes you Atsushi, you should go for him," Naomi bubbles and I blush so furiously I feel like I'm on fire. I can't even process anything she just said, I feel like my brain is turning to mush.

"So, wait, Atsushi-kun… you're gay? I had no idea," Junichiro says with a soft smile and I literally facepalm.

"No! I'm not- I don't know! I have no idea how I feel," I say abruptly and I realize I'm lying. I don't know what label I am for sure, that part is true, but I know how I feel. I realize it in that moment. I do like Chuuya, a lot. I haven't felt how I feel right now ever and it's as clear as day. Talking about everything that happened and hearing it out loud made me realize just how head over heels I am, and I groan. "What am I going to do?"

We all sit there in silence pondering my question for what feels like forever then I realize what Naomi said. He likes me? How could she even think that when she doesn't even know him. The thought troubles me and my mind goes into a frenzy of scenarios that could never happen. I need to stop thinking like this.

"Naomi, how do you know he likes me?" I ask hesitantly and she smiles as she curls up in Junichiro's lap. I still can't figure them out.

"All day he's been giving you winks and smiles for one. And you said he was staring at you when you sat down together, I don't think that was in a bad way by the way you described it. I think he's curious. And if he just up and left so abruptly, I think he was thinking about you and got flustered. He totally likes you," she replies with a smile then giggles as my blush reappears.

"Okay, but even if he does like him. How is that going to go down with Dazai-san? I feel like he won't be too happy about this…" Junichiro points out and my heart races. Right, Dazai, how could I have forgotten him within this whole dynamic? Even if this turned into something, which it won't because that's dreaming way too big and this is just me we're talking about, it could never work because of Dazai and Chuuya's history. Dazai is not only my best friend but also my roommate, this would cause a world war and I do not want to be in the middle of it. I groan again.

"It's not going to go down at all, it can't. How the hell could I forget about Dazai? He would lose his mind over this whole thing. Ughh, I can't do this, he's my best friend. I'm going to go crazy," I say and I fall backwards to lay on the ground. I am exhausted. "Hey what time is it?"

"Umm, 2am. Wow you guys should go to bed don't you work early?" Naomi answers my question and Junichiro and myself both groan in unison.

"We are not going to survive the morning shift," Junichiro replies and I agree. Even if I do sleep I'm still not going to survive it with everything that's going on in my head. I want to curl up and never leave my apartment again at this point, the real world is far too stressful. Then I realize everything we just discussed and almost have a heart attack.

"Don't you dare say anything about this to or anywhere near Ranpo-san," I say as I sit bolt upright. Junichiro stares at me and his eyes go wide again as he thinks about what I just said, clearly realizing the horror that could ensue if Ranpo knew anything about this.

"I won't breathe a single word."


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning I awoke and felt like I had been hit by a bus. My whole body ached and I felt like I didn't sleep a wink, probably because I didn't. All night my mind was racing and imagining so many different things that I don't even want to remember. I roll over and check my phone and notice it's early, my alarm isn't even set to go off for another half hour. I also have no messages or anything from Dazai, he's still missing. It's been 4 days now. He should be back or I at least should have heard from him.

As I debate what to do with my life next there's a soft knock at my door and I jump. Before I can reply, Naomi peeks her head in with a smile.

"Good morning, Junichiro made breakfast. Want some?" she asks kindly and I realize I'm starving.

The rest of the morning couldn't have gone any slower after breakfast. While we ate something felt off, both Junichiro and myself weren't feeling right. I think we're both too nervous about Dazai. He has a tendency of leaving, we both know this, but this isn't right. I try to push these thoughts to the back of my mind as the day goes on but it's not easy when all my other thoughts are pushed back there too. I don't have enough room in my brain for all this madness.

"Atsushi, you need to stop worrying, Dazai is fine. You know I would be able to tell if something bad happened," Ranpo yells from his slump at the door and I sigh.

"How can you be sure? How can your deduction ability possibly tell that when there isn't a single trace of him?" I ask almost harshly. Sure, Ranpo has never been wrong before but that's when he has something to go off. Dazai left nothing and has said nothing, sometimes I doubt Ranpo though I know I shouldn't.

"Do you not trust me? Ow Atsushi-kun I am offended! You're so mean," he replies as he throws a paper coffee cup right at my head. It makes perfect contact. I debate arguing back but I really don't have the energy to deal with Ranpo today. Instead I just sigh and go back to what I was doing and pray for this day to just be over with.

By the time I get home it's just after 6pm and I am exhausted. I missed my bus, go figure, so it took way longer to get home than it should have. When I walk into my apartment I drop my things, make my way to the couch and just fall. It has never felt so comfortable, I sigh in contentment.

The next thing I know my apartment is pitch black and silent, I am confused. Where the hell am I? Oh, I must have fallen asleep. I was that tired? Wow. I sit up and reach to turn on the table lamp beside the couch and stretch. What time even is it? I have no idea, I find the time on the clock for the tv, it's 8:43pm. I get up and make my way to my room to change into something comfier; a sweatshirt and sweats sounds great. Just as I put my sweatshirt on I hear a knock at the door and I freeze. Who could that even be? There's no way it's Dazai… I stand there, unable to move. Within a minute they knock again, this time louder and more aggressive.

"I'm coming!" I yell as I run to answer the door, quickly unlocking it and whipping it open. "Hello- ah."

"Atsushi… hi," he says and I almost fall over. It's Chuuya. Chuuya is standing in my doorway. A million thoughts run through my head and I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out.

"What, how- how do you know where I live?"

"I've come here with Dazai before…" he trails off quietly and I blush. "I just really needed to see you."

"Oh! Um, come in!" I say and move to let him in, my heart racing. Needed to see me? Me? Why me? What is going on, this can't be real. I'm still dreaming. Chuuya looks at me, blue eyes sparkling and I can't read him at all. He slowly takes a few steps by me to pass the threshold into my apartment and I think I'm going to die, he smells so good. He is here, in my house… I shut and lock the door before I turn around to face Chuuya who is very close to me, I gasp shocked.

"Atsushi I-," he starts and I don't have a single clue what he's thinking. His voice is so quiet and he seems so small, my heart hurts. I've never seen him like this, normally he's so hotheaded and confident, this is so out of character for him. He seems to be contemplating his words but when he looks up at me I can see his cheeks are flushed. "Fuck it."

He grabs the collar of my sweatshirt and without any effort pushes me back against the door, pulling me down I'm almost knocked off my feet as his lips crash into mine. I'm in complete shock and don't even know how to react, I am frozen, he is pressed against me. His body is so warm and his lips are so soft and he faintly tastes of wine. I am completely taken aback. I try and collect my wits and make myself return his kiss, when I finally do he reacts and pushes me against the door harder with his hips and I gasp into his mouth. His hands leave my collar and grip my waist and his grip is tight, like he doesn't want to chance me leaving. Like I would, I couldn't even if I wanted to. My mind isn't functioning properly, I am fueled on adrenaline and shock.

Chuuya's grip on my waist loosens and he runs his fingers further up my sides under my sweater, barely touching and slower than imaginable. His touch makes me shiver and I think he notices because I feel him smile on my mouth. I can't help but moan at the gesture and as soon as I do I'm embarrassed beyond recognition, I feel myself freeze, completely unable to move. Chuuya stops what he's doing too and pulls away to look at me, when his eyes meet mine I feel like my stomach is going to hit the ground. His gaze is so sharp but his eyes show concern, deep blue and contrasted by flushed cheeks. He bites his lip and within a second that gaze changes to something unreadable as he pulls himself away from me, stepping back a few feet.

"Atsushi I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have started this. I just felt- I… we can't do this," he stutters and looks away from me and I feel like my heart is going to break. He wants to stop this, before it has even begun? I feel like my whole world is going to crumble if he leaves and I can't allow that to happen. It takes everything I have in me to be brave, but if I don't I'm going to lose this… whatever this is. My mind might not be in a practical state at the moment, but right now I know what I want.

"No, please don't leave. You can't leave now," I say as strong as I can and I chance a step towards him. When he doesn't move I only feel myself grow bolder, fueled by desire. Moving a little closer I move a shaky hand up to touch the back of his neck and slowly run it along his throat to his cheek, he slightly leans into my touch and I blush instantly. I'm in complete shock that I'm even doing this, where is this coming from? I move my other hand to caress his other cheek and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I want this, and I know you do too. Please don't go."

Chuuya's blush deepens to a dark crimson, my heart clenches, and my lips are back on his with aggression that I never knew I had. His arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer and I just barely hear the moan that escapes him. I softly run my hands down his throat and up into his hair, gently gripping it and pulling him closer.

"Atsushi please," he groans as he slides his hands back to my waist where his tight grip returns. I feel him smirk into our kiss and he bites my lip, making me gasp and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue in my mouth and I feel my knees almost give in. His mouth tastes even stronger of the wine I tasted earlier, it's sweet and mixed with Chuuya and I want more. I moan as his tongue strokes mine, completely dominating me, and my arms wrap around his neck. His hands on my waist push me backwards in an attempt to make me move.

Clumsily I do move and Chuuya seems to know the room pretty well because in a few strides I'm pushed back onto my couch, him stood between my knees. I try not to think about why Chuuya knows the layout of my living room but my thoughts are cut off when he slowly moves his way onto my lap to straddle my waist. It's at that moment that I realize I'm totally hard and I'm wearing sweats so this is going to be really obvious, I blush furiously and shut my eyes tight in complete and utter embarrassment.

"Atsushi, hey what's wrong?" he asks softly and one hand strokes my cheek. I dare to look at him, expecting a smart smirk but that's not what I see at all. His face is soft, lips dark red and shiny; cheeks flushed the same deep shade, and his eyes show the same kind of concern I seen in them earlier. "Do you not like this?"

"I-yes. I-yeah, I do… a lot. Clearly," I stutter quietly and try to look away from his gaze to hide my internal suffering but his hand on my chin keeps me steady. He blinks at me a few times before his eyes travel down my body and he smiles when he observes why I'm a mess.

"Oh Atsushi," Chuuya says deeply as his eyes meet mine again and I definitely feel like I'm going to die from emotional overload.

"Don't be embarrassed, I'm flattered," he says as he places a soft kiss on my lips that ends far too quickly. I try and stifle a whine, it doesn't work.

"And you're not alone," he says with a wink as he grinds his hips down on mine, I feel his erection against my own and I feel like an electric shock just exploded through my whole body. I moan and grip his waist, pulling him closer with an almost animal instinct and he smiles down at me. His fingers run through my hair, nails softly scratching my scalp and I can't help but close my eyes and lean my head back against the couch. This gives Chuuya access to my neck and he takes advantage, his lips connect with my jaw and slowly make their way down, placing wet kisses in their path. He lightly nips at my throat, causing me to moan even more and thrust my hips up into his involuntarily, I blush at my reaction.

"You're so sensitive, are you new to this?" Chuuya practically purrs in my ear and I groan hard, feeling my cheeks go even redder. I bury my face in his chest and pull him closer, anything to hide my obviously flustered expression. I feel him softly laugh against me and he just pulls me closer, stroking my hair in a comforting way and this time I'm the one to purr, but I literally purr, and we both freeze. "Atsushi, what was that?"

"I uh…" I start and my words fail. Could I be any more embarrassed tonight, did that just happen? I internally facepalm and groan so hard I almost pass out. Chuuya pulls away and stares at me and I stare back because I'm completely frozen in shock and my mind is racing.

"That was your ability, wasn't it? I know you're a weretiger Atsushi," he states and my eyes widen. How did he figure this purring thing out before I did? And how does he even know that's my ability? Dazai had to have told him, I audibly groan. I want to strangle him even though he would enjoy it. Jerk.

All I can do is nod my head in response as I'm currently still in shock and I have no idea how he is going to react. He's going to think I'm odd, how could he not? This is not something normal people do and it's definitely not an attractive trait for a person to have. I expect him to up and leave but he doesn't, he just stares at me, eyes wide for a few seconds but they slowly start to soften and he smiles.

"That was completely unexpected and I'm still in shock to be honest, but I can't deny that was adorable," he says with a blush of his own and I stare at him speechless. He doesn't think I'm weird and unattractive? How is that possible? My internal babbling is cut short when Chuuya's soft expression turns into something more devilish, a smirk playing on his lips, "I guess I have a thing for cats."

At that moment I think my entire brain shut down as I sat there staring at him blankly. He laughs and gives me a quick, but sweet, peck on the lips and it brings me back to my senses if only slightly. His hips roll against mine again and we both moan then his lips are against my ear whispering, "I think I should get going."

Chuuya lifts himself up and off my lap, despite my obvious pout of disapproval, and stands on the ground. He pulls me up with him and I am pleasantly surprised that my body is working properly enough for simple functions. He saunters as he walks to leave and I follow close in tow, stopping when he turns around at the door. He still has that smirk on his lips when he looks at me, his swollen red lips making it look even feistier, and I blush as I think of what I want to do to those lips again. Where are these thoughts coming from? I never used to think like this…

"I'll see you again soon Atsushi, I promise," he says as he places a chaste kiss to my lips that I return greedily, then turns to open the door. He steps out into the hall and I follow to lead him out, "you know where to find me."

I watch him walk down the hall and turn the corner before I close the door to my apartment. As I do it feels like everything that just played out smacks me in the chest as I realize what just happened. All I can do is lean against the door as my chest tightens, my breathing quickens, and my mind races. What just happened? Chuuya came to my apartment, we actually did _things,_ things I never ever thought I would do with him. It feels like my dreams and my nightmares all just came true at once and I groan as I think about what all could happen because of this.

Taking a deep breath, I try and center myself. Overthinking this right now isn't going to help anything. I just need to go to bed, get some much-needed sleep, and try to figure this out in the morning. As I make my way toward my room I feel almost numb, but it isn't a bad numb. Maybe it's more shock I'm feeling, but I realize I feel warm and I smile. Is this a form of happiness? I've never felt happiness like this and despite the negatives of this situation I try and let myself appreciate this rare feeling. Maybe I deserve it, just this once.

Once I see my bed I sigh at how perfect it looks. I have never been so happy to see my bed in my entire life. I climb in and practically moan as I get myself settled in. Then, to top off this euphoric feeling I remember that tomorrow is finally my day off and I smile even wider as I pass out from total exhaustion.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning I awake feeling refreshed, my whole body feels like it hasn't moved in days. I feel heavy, but it's a relaxed heavy and I finally slept. It must be later in the morning because the sun is shining so brightly in my window I have to squint, but it makes me feel even more content with just laying here. I close my eyes to stretch when I finally notice the weight on my bed, bolting upright I almost scream. It's Dazai and he's sitting on my bed, looking casual as if nothing happened at all, like this is just another normal day.

"Dazai-san!" I practically squeal and I lunge forward to wrap my arms around him, he pulls me in tight to return the hug. The relief I feel washes over me like a tidal wave. After a while I finally pull myself off him, I have so many questions and I have no idea where to even begin.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been so worried. You didn't say anything or even try to contact-" he cuts off my ranting with a finger to my lips and I sit there with my legs tucked under me stunned. His expression is soft but emotionless, his brown eyes look tired. He's sat on the edge of my bed and he's slightly slouched, he looks tired in general now that I observe him.

"Atsushi-kun you shouldn't have worried. I told you I would be back in a few days and I am," Dazai says as he falls back onto my bed and throws an arm over his eyes. I stare at him and bite my lip. How could I not worry? Hell, I'm still worried. He peeks at me from under his arm and gives me his typical side smirk, "I just need to rest now, it was a long journey home."

"But what happened? You look exhausted, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just went on an action packed but tiring adventure. Actually, I found this really charming woman in a bar and I almost had her convinced to commit double suicide with me," he stammers with a wide smile which then changes to a pouty frown, "but she backed out, saying she found something to live for? Ridiculous."

"Well thank god she did! Dazai-san, you can't just leave and go commit suicide, that's not a temporary thing. Do you not realize what that means?"

"Of course I do, that's why it's my life-long dream! Someday, Atsushi-kun, I will be successful," Dazai says with a wink then curls up onto his side as he moves more onto my bed. I sigh, there is no way to get through to him. Reaching across the bed I grab a blanket and drape it over Dazai's body, he reacts by pulling it tighter around himself and smiling. I can't help but smile too.

"Do you want anything?" I ask quietly but all I get for a response is his soft snores. He must really be exhausted if he fell asleep that quick. For a few minutes, I just sit there watching Dazai sleep. I'm completely overwhelmed. Dazai is back and he won't say anything about his 'adventure', something must have happened. He has never come back late or looking so exhausted. But I can't ask him anything because he will just laugh it off and keep hiding his secrets. He will, hopefully, tell me some time if I just leave him be. As I stare off, not really focusing on the now at this point, my phone starts ringing on my bedside table. I quickly grab it, bolt from the room, and answer it before it can ring anymore and wake up Dazai.

"Hello?"

"Dazai is back, isn't he?" Ranpo asks and I can hear the smart smirk in his voice.

"Yes, I don't know when he got back. I just woke up and he was here."

"You're just waking up now? Atsushi-kun it's 11:30am, what were you up to last night? Did you have a wild night, get into-"

"No! I didn't do anything, I was just exhausted from working so much lately," I reply, cutting him off as I make my way to the kitchen to make myself tea so I can distract myself from thinking.

"You're lying. Atsushi-kun you're a horrible liar and you know you especially cannot lie to me," Ranpo starts with a laugh and I groan. "Oh, I called for another reason. A _friend_ ," he enunciates with sarcasm, "stopped by the shop. Asked if you were working today."

"What? Who?" I ask though I have a pretty good idea of who and I instantly feel my cheeks heat up.

"Fancy hat from Viñedo's. Atsushi-kun, what have you gotten yourself into?"

"Ranpo-san please, shh. Stop talking, please tell me you're alone," my heart is racing while I ask. The thought of everyone at the shop hearing this conversation is enough to give me a heart attack.

"Yes, I'm alone I'm on break in the stock room," he says and I sigh in relief. "But anyways, he left his number. He wants you to contact him, apparently he couldn't wait until your shift tomorrow."

"Oh… okay. Did he say why?"

"Nope! He seemed hesitant though, what's going on with you two? Isn't he Dazai's ex?" the question leaves his mouth and my heart hits the floor. Oh no, he can't know what's going on, he will tell Dazai and that will cause so many issues that I don't even want to think about right now. I start to panic and Ranpo must sense it, "don't worry I won't say anything. Just, be smart Atsushi-kun."

"Please, please swear you won't say anything to Dazai-san. There's nothing going on I just… he doesn't need to know," I say quietly, praying that Dazai doesn't wake up.

"Atsushi-kun! I swear, jeesh. I already know what happened just by the way fancy hat came in here earlier," he says with the same sarcasm as earlier, "but I'll keep quiet for your sake."

"Thank you Ranpo-san! I owe you," as soon as the words leave my mouth I know I'm going to regret their promise. I sigh.

"Ohhh, I will hold you to it!" Ranpo says with far too much enthusiasm. He laughs at my audible groan and before I can say anything else to further jeopardize my situation I get Chuuya's number and end the call. I grab my tea and head to sit on the couch, turning the tv on I sit down and stare at the screen without really watching it.

My mind is racing yet again, what could Chuuya want so badly that he couldn't even wait to see me in person? For him to leave his number with practically a stranger seems so shocking to me. I flip through the channels on the tv and try to find something to distract my thoughts, finding a movie I leave it there. How can I possibly text Chuuya now that Dazai is back? Dazai is going to know something is going on, though he won't know the context. But, he can read me like a book. I groan and curl up further into the couch to try and find some sort of comfort. My head is starting to hurt.

As I mindlessly watch the movie that's playing a thought occurs to me, one that I would normally never have. What is the worst that could happen? Why am I even asking myself something so bold? Maybe it's all of these strong feelings lately that are making me feel brave. Lots could happen, Dazai could be really mad that his roommate and close friend is slightly involved with his ex; that is the worst that could happen. I really don't want to face a mad Dazai, especially when the anger is directed at me.

I create a variety of anxiety induced scenarios in my head of all the bad things that could happen before I realize that my phone is in my hand along with Chuuya's number. Am I going crazy? My mind is clearly not functioning properly anymore. I enter his number and stare at the screen.

 _"_ _It's Atsushi. Is something wrong?"_

My heart races as I realize what I just did. I texted Chuuya, and I come to the conclusion that I have completely lost my mind. I've told myself again and again that I can't be involved in this, there is too much baggage involved, but my actions have been dictated by my heart this whole time. Thinking back to last night my heart races and I remember how happy I felt and that's when it hits me; I'm acting so boldly because I don't want to let that happiness go. My whole life I have never been happy, I have never felt good about myself or anything in my life but last night with Chuuya I did. He made me feel wanted and to have someone so physically close to me was comforting. It was only one night, I barely know him, but this is something I want to hang onto. I'm not thinking rationally, but no matter the consequences I realize I need this.

After a while of internally struggling with myself my phone goes off and I jump when it does. I stare at the screen when I see Chuuya's name come up with the text message notification. I'm almost scared to read it, but I will my fingers to unlock my phone and open the text.

 _"_ _Atsushi-kun, no nothing is wrong. What are you doing tonight?"_

My heart stops and I feel like I can't breathe. His boldness completely catches me off guard, he's so straight to the point, I blush. What am I doing tonight? Why does he want to know? He can't be thinking about coming here again… that definitely can't happen.

 _"_ _Not much. Dazai-san is back."_

That's all I write and before I can delete it I quickly hit send and curl up even tighter on the couch as my nerves take over. He replies quickly.

 _"_ _Oh… I was going to ask if you wanted to come here instead."_

I stare at the text and reread it over and over again, trying to comprehend what he is asking me. Chuuya wants me, an awkward and almost stranger, to come over? I contemplate what I should do. What would I tell Dazai? I guess I don't really need a reason to go out, I'm an adult, but Dazai is Dazai and he will pester me until I give a proper answer. And what would Chuuya want to do if I did come over? Would he want a repeat of last night, or maybe even more? My heart starts racing and I realize I'm way in over my head.

 _"_ _I'll come over. What's your address?"_

Before I can listen to my brain my heart sends the text and I'm instantly panicking. Why did I just send that? I hadn't even decided what I wanted to do yet… well I guess I did. My stupid, blind heart did. This is what I want, I want Chuuya, need him even. I try and remind myself of this fact but it doesn't comfort me very much. I'm too nervous for comfort. I groan when my phone goes off. Chuuya sends me his address and tells me to come over around 5pm. It's 1pm now, I have a few hours to suffer with my thoughts and try to rationalize this situation. I finish my tea and it did calm me down a little bit, so I decide to try and work out this whole situation with a hot shower, I pray I find some sort of solace before I keel over from stress.


	6. Chapter 6

My shower ends up being 40 minutes of mindless shower activities and me overthinking literally everything that could be overthought. It didn't calm me down much at all. If anything, it made me more nervous because this means I'm getting ready to go to Chuuya's and what does that entail? Should I dress up a bit? Will he be dressed up? Probably, I answer to myself, he always is. What is he wanting to do? Are we going out, do I need to be ready for that? All these questions rush through my head and I sigh.

Leaving the bathroom I head back to my room, Dazai is still passed out on my bed and he looks like he's completely comatose. Good, I'm glad Dazai is sleeping so peacefully. I wish I felt peaceful. I open my closet door as quietly as I can, though I doubt Dazai would wake up from even a bomb explosion right now, and I stare at my clothes. What the heck do you wear when you're going to someone's place you like for the first time? Casual? Fancier? Not that I own much in the way of fancy… I eventually decide for more casual. Black jeans, white shirt, and a dark blue sweater in case if it's cold. Done.

After that ordeal is taken care of I'm not sure what to do next. It's only just after 2pm, I have a few hours still. Actually, how long will it take to get to Chuuya's? I need to figure this out, so I grab my laptop and figure out the route. According to maps it will take over an hour by bus, so I should leave early. How early is too early? Is two hours beforehand too early? Probably not, seeing how risky the bus system is. In that case I have an hour to kill, so I decide to scroll through random sites and try not to think about anything too much. I don't need to stress myself out anymore, I'm a wreck as it is.

After about half an hour I hear Dazai moving about and I freeze, I was hoping to get out of the house before he woke up so I wouldn't have to explain anything. I listen and he stumbles from my room to his and shuts the door. Maybe he's just relocating his sleeping spots, I can hope. But no, a few minutes later and he's strolling down the hallway, he changed. He's in grey sweats and a hoodie, his bedhead is even more unruly than usual.

"Atsushi-kun, I didn't think you were even here it's so quiet," he says as he slumps down beside me and turns the tv on. "And thanks for letting me sleep, I was exhausted and your bed is so comfy."

"No problem," I reply quietly. Dazai gives me a once over before rolling over and laying his head in my lap, I move my laptop just in time.

"Atsushi-kun, you look nice. Do you have plans this evening? Hot date even?" Dazai asks with wide eyes and a smile. I internally facepalm, though I do feel my cheeks go red at the question. How do I even begin to answer this?

"I ah-, no. Just meeting a couple friends in a bit," I respond as confidently as I can. Dazai stares up at me with questioning eyes, he's trying to read me and I pray I hide my internal meltdown.

"Hmmm, friends huh?" he asks with a pout, "do you need a ride there?"

"No! No I'm okay, a friend's meeting me not far from here so I'll be okay, thanks though," I reply almost too quickly but Dazai just smiles. I have missed having Dazai around I realize, the apartment was too quiet and boring without him, I even missed his clinginess.

"Okay! You smell good too, whoever you're hanging out with will be impressed," Dazai says with a wink and I blush even more. Crap, he totally knows I'm meeting someone that isn't just 'friends'. I try to keep myself as neutral as possible, he doesn't need to find out any more than he knows. In an attempt to distract myself I pull out my phone and see I have a text, it's from Chuuya, there goes my attempt at remaining neutral. Keeping the screen tilted away from Dazai I open and read the text.

 _"_ _Atsushi, can't wait to see you. Don't be nervous, I know you will be!"_

I feel like I'm going to pass out. Do I really act that nervous around him? Apparently I do. Dazai sits up off my lap and stares at me and I stare back, then all hell breaks loose.

"Who is that?! Look at you blushing! Let me see!" Dazai beams as he tries to grab for my phone and I leap off the couch, keeping my phone as far away from him as I can. I bolt towards the door as Dazai continues to chase me like he's a 5 year old child who wants chocolate they can't have and I manage to grab my sweater on the way by.

"No Dazai-san! Leave me alone! I'm leaving, be back later, bye!" I say as I barely escape out the door. It's not long before Dazai is calling for me down the hallway, begging me to tell him everything later, and I groan.

After merely escaping the apartment and Dazai's grasp, the rest of the events until I get to Chuuya's actually goes smoothly which seems like a miracle to me. My busses arrived on time and I reached his apartment building at 4:50pm, perfect. But now that I'm here I am beyond nervous. The building is tall and the architecture looks new and also expensive. Chuuya lives in the higher class part of town which I didn't realize until I got here, his address didn't seem familiar and this would be why. I'm not in this area very often. As I climb the stone steps up to the front doors my heart is racing, he told me not to be nervous but of course I am. Finding the speaker I buzz in his apartment number and wait, it feels like years before he responds. Eventually I'm let into the building and the interior is even more immaculate than the exterior, it looks like a 5-star hotel. Is Chuuya rich? I know he owns his own shop but I didn't think he made that much, I blush and try not to think about this matter.

The whole elevator ride to the 15th floor escalates my anxiety with every floor, I feel my palms sweat slightly and I try and clear my head. Why am I so nervous? I've been alone with him before. This will be totally fine, nothing bad will happen. I am far too used to bad things happening, maybe this is why I'm so nervous. The doors of the elevator open and I take a deep breath, this is it, I can do this. Finding Chuuya's apartment number I hesitate before I knock, I try and center myself and control my breathing, I need to at least try and come off as confident. After a moment I think I'm okay and I knock. It only takes a second before the door is swung open and I blush as soon as I see him.

"Atsushi-kun! Hello, right on time I like that," Chuuya says with a grin and steps aside to let me in. I quickly give him a once over and I am thankful I opted for casual attire because it looks like he did too, and I am shocked. He's wearing a wide-neck white sweater, which looks really soft, and tighter blue jeans. I almost choke; he looks adorable, softer compared to his usual business attire. "Did you find the place okay?"

"Ah yes, yeah. No problem," I say with a smile as I kick my shoes off at the door. He returns the smile before he grabs my hand, pulling me further into the apartment. I'm shocked to say the least at what I see. Everything is so clean; the walls are white, the furniture is black, tables, chairs, and other accessories are all a dark wood stain. There's expensive art pieces on the walls, candles are lit in different areas that make the room smell amazing, there's a stone fireplace, and the lighting is kept dim. "Your place is amazing."

"Thanks, it's okay. Provides everything I need," Chuuya responds with a smirk and lets go of my hand, I'm slightly disappointed. "Please make yourself at home! I told you not to be nervous, it's just me. Relax."

"Okay, thanks," I stutter and attempt to relax, though that doesn't go easily. Chuuya walks down the hallway and into another room, leaving me standing alone in his living room to gawk at my surroundings. I place my sweater on a chair nearby and head towards the fireplace, the heat radiating from it is soothing and it smells great, it's an actual wood burning fireplace and I'm surprised that such a modern building would have this. Chuuya comes back from down the hall and heads into the kitchen with a bottle of wine in hand and I can't help but watch him. He moves so confidently, even just grabbing glasses I'm entranced by him, the sway of his hips is almost dizzying. He catches me staring and I blush so deep I feel faint.

"Do you like wine? I hope so," he says as he moves around the kitchen island and towards me, carrying two glasses of red wine. I take one graciously and he smiles up at me, the flames from the fire making his blue eyes shine even more than they usually do, my face feels as hot as the fire.

"I don't hate it, I'm not really used to it. I haven't drank it very much," I say as I swirl the contents within the glass, it looks thick and rich, and expensive.

"Well, the trick is to drink it slowly," Chuuya says and places one of his hands on the bottom of my glass then gently motions for me to drink it, I take a sip. "Ah, don't swallow. Just taste, isn't it sweet?"

I do as he says and it does start tasting sweeter, richer. He moves closer to me and runs a finger down my throat to my chest and I feel frozen in place from his touch. I make myself swallow the wine before I choke and I taste it all the way down my throat, it's surprisingly pleasant. Chuuya takes a sip of his wine and doesn't swallow like he told me, he closes his eyes and all I can do is watch as he swirls it around his mouth before swallowing and licking his lips. My knees feel weak and I'm not sure how long I can stand for. As if reading my mind he grabs my hand again and leads me to his couch, sitting down first he gestures for me to join him and I do with as little awkwardness as I can manage. He pulls his legs up underneath him and sits on his side, facing me and he looks attentive, like he's waiting for me to speak and all I can think about is how cute he looks. His small stature curled up on the sofa, his white sweater contrasting against the black couch, and his hair tousled perfectly around his face. It's a breathtaking sight.

"I'm glad you came here tonight, I'm sorry if I seem needy since I left my number with your coworker just so I could talk to you… but I just needed to see you again," Chuuya confesses and this time he's the one to blush as he looks away, it's such a rare sight to see him blush and it makes me smile.

"I didn't mind, I'm just shocked you'd want to see me again," I blurt out and I'm shocked by my honesty. He looks at me with wide eyes.

"Why wouldn't I want to see you again?" he asks with genuine questioning in his eyes. I could come up with a million reasons why not, but I try and stay optimistic.

"I don't know, we don't really know each other well and it's not like I'm anything special. I'm just the average kid who works at the local coffee shop to pay for school," I say and the room is so quiet, all that can be heard is the crackle of the fire and hopefully not my heartbeat even though it's beating harder than it ever has. Chuuya is staring at me with soft blue eyes and his mouth is slightly open, I can't help but think about how bad I want to kiss those lips and I blush. He smiles at my reaction and moves a hand to rest on my thigh.

"You're much more than the average kid working in a coffee shop," he starts as he places his wine glass on the table, then grabs mine and does the same. He moves closer to me and places a warm hand on my cheek, I stop breathing. "I have always found you appealing… different, but in the best way."

Our eyes don't break contact the entire time he talks and he's so close to me now I can smell the wine on his breath and it's almost more intoxicating than the wine itself. He slowly leans in and places his lips on mine, so softly I can barely feel it, then he really kisses me. His mouth is so warm and the familiar taste of wine mixed with his own taste floods back to my senses, I remember the same taste from last night, and I feel my whole body flourish with heat. I wrap my arm around his side behind his back and slide his body onto my lap without any resistance from him. He's sat sideways on me and he presses his chest into my own as he kisses me harder, pushing me back into the sofa. My hand's roam down his sides and rest on the small of his back, holding him tight, his hands in my hair. Chuuya is the one to break the kiss as he leans back from me slightly. He runs a hand from my hair, down my cheek and off as he twists in my lap to reach for a glass of wine, at this point who knows whose is whose.

"Open up," he says as he takes a sip of wine then places the glass back down on the table. The hand that held the glass previously comes back and his thumb softly pulls my bottom lip down and I open as he asked, his other hand pulls my head further back into the sofa by my hair. Then his mouth is on mine and the wine invades my mouth, my grip returns to his back at the rush of sensations from this sensual exchange and I feel my stomach tighten with arousal. I moan when I swallow the wine and Chuuya steals what little voice I have as his tongue slips into my mouth, sliding against my own, he moans into my mouth and it's so erotic I feel myself grow harder.

Chuuya breaks the kiss and we both try to catch our breaths, the smile on his lips is emphasized by the red tint of them. He maneuvers himself off my waist and stands on the floor then extends a hand that I take and he pulls me up to stand with him. His hands run under my shirt and up my sides, then back down and they grip the hem of my shirt. He pulls my shirt up and off of me with one smooth movement and I'm impressed with how easy that was for him considering I'm slightly taller, he seems so experienced. I blush at the thought. His hands return to my sides but they slowly slide down and find my hips, his thumbs slip just inside my waistband and he runs them along it as he moves them to the front of my jeans. I'm completely entranced by his movements that all I can do is watch him as he moves even slower to unbutton, unzip, and begin sliding them down. He moves down my body as he pulls my jeans down with him and I'm blushing so hard I feel lightheaded. I step out of them one step at a time at his gesture before he starts rising up my body, hands trailing my legs as he goes until he's standing again.

"You're gorgeous Atsushi," he says and I'm pretty sure I almost passed out at how sensual the words sounded. His hands move to the hem of his sweater and I reach out to stop their movements, he looks up at me confused.

"Can- can you leave the sweater on? It looks really cute…" I stammer and his look of confusion turns to a smirk as he nods and pushes me down onto the couch. I land slightly on my side, rolling onto my back I prop myself up on my elbows as I watch Chuuya. His eyes are on mine as he runs his hands down his sides then slightly under the sweater so he can undo his own jeans. He slides them down and slips them off, his eyes never leaving mine but I break the contact as I take in the sight before me. His hair is slightly messy, lips red and swollen, the pale of his skin making his blush look even redder, that sweater hanging loosely from his shoulders passes his hips just slightly, his legs look long and lean but strong. I bite my lip to stifle a moan and he smirks before pouncing on me, straddling my waist and pushing me flat onto my back.

"Do you think I can make you purr again like you did last night?" Chuuya asks from above me and I groan at the memory, still embarrassed even though he said he liked it. I should feel reassured by that fact but I don't. "Hmmm?"

"Maybe, I'm not sure exactly what causes it…" I trail off in response as I rest my hands on his hips, just under his sweater. He's wearing tight briefs, I can't see them yet but I can feel them, and I realize that's another turn on.

"I guess we'll have to figure that out then, won't we?" he replies before kissing me. It's rough and wet and I can't stop myself from grinding up into his waist as his tongue finds mine. His hips repeat my previous action and he moans into my mouth, biting my lip. My hands on his hips grind him down onto me again out of impulse and he moans again. "Impatient are we?"

Now I moan when he asks the question, but he just laughs softly. His hips move on my own again and this time he keeps going, creating a rhythm as he grinds down on me and I can feel he's just as hard as I am. Moving his lips to my jaw he kisses down along it then licks a stripe back upwards and I shiver, his lips then follow down along my throat where he bites. The moan that escapes me is filthy and I grip his hips tighter, he licks the spot he previously bit then sucks and I think I see stars from the sensation he causes. Once he's content he continues his trail of kisses down to my collar bone where he bites again but not as hard. He stops grinding his hips on mine so he can move further down my body and I relocate my hands to his hair where I gently touch and play with it. The blush painting his cheeks deepens so I assume he likes it.

Chuuya's mouth trails down my chest, not really kissing but his lips softly touch my skin and it leaves a burning sensation the whole path. His hips now straddle my knees and his mouth is right above the waistband of my briefs, I stop breathing. I have only ever imagined such things though I would never admit that, having this become reality is almost too much for me. I feel myself slightly start panicking.

"Atsushi, breathe. I won't do anything you don't want me to," Chuuya reassures me as if he could feel my change in demeanor and I do relax slightly. His words comforting me, making me feel safe, I smile. Once he knows I'm okay he gives me a wink before his lips find my skin again, kissing slowly along my waistband. He sits up slightly and runs his hands up along my thighs and over my briefs where they settle on my hip bones, his thumbs dipping into the band like they did earlier. "Are you okay with me taking these off?"

"Ah y-yes," I respond stuttering and I'm tempted to cover my eyes in embarrassment but I don't, I can't take my eyes off Chuuya no matter what. Every action he makes is something I never want to miss.

"Again, I won't do anything you don't want. I know this is all new to you, so please. Tell me to stop if you need me to," Chuuya says with a smile and I know he's being genuine, caring. He actually cares about me, I blush and nod. He returns the nod as he goes back to what he was planning to do. His thumbs start pulling my briefs down, lifting them slightly over my fully hard erection before pulling down. He moves back to sit between my legs so he can pull them off completely then his hands run up my thighs like they did earlier, it's comforting, he does this a few times before leaning closer to me. One of his hands rests along my side and the other grasps my erection and I try and control myself so I don't cum from that touch alone. I moan as soon as he touches me and my voice finishes with a purr. I clamp a hand to my mouth in shock.

"There we go," Chuuya says with a wink and his hand moves along me from the head down, slowly and softly, before coming back up and repeating the action. He does this a few times and my stomach tightens more, I feel like every nerve I have is standing on end. I never knew something so simple could feel so incredible, I moan without any thought at this point and I feel my chest vibrate slightly as my purring picks up. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this, but Chuuya seems to like it so I try my best to embrace it.

After a few more pumps with his hand, he stops and moves his hand down to my stomach to grip the base of my cock. I watch as he moves his lips to my tip where he softly places a kiss then runs his tongue down along the backside. Just this action alone makes my body explode, I slightly arch my back as a groan rips from my chest, I grip Chuuya's hair to try and ground myself.

"Atsushi, are you okay? Can I continue?" he asks and I moan from impatience before quickly nodding. His tongue continues its ministrations, licking all the way up and swirling around my head before his mouth encloses around me and slowly slides down. I feel precum leak from me and I know I'm not going to last long, this is too much all at once. His mouth slides back up, his tongue pressed tightly against me, then he slides back down and takes me even deeper. My back arches again and I bite my lip hard, trying desperately to keep from moaning too loud.

"Chuu- Chuuya, I- ah, I'm not-," I start but am interrupted by an unexpected moan as he sucks particularly hard and I try not to cum instantly. "I won't last much longer."

As if responding to me he continues moving up and down but he increases his suction and speed, his hand at my base moves to grasp what his mouth can't reach. I realize I've had my eyes shut this whole time and I chance looking down at Chuuya, I almost regret this decision. His eyes were already watching me so our gazes lock, his eyes are glossy, his cheeks are bright red, and his hair is a mess around my fingers. He pulls his mouth back slightly and with eyes locked he seductively licks around the head of my cock before placing a kiss there and I feel my whole body shudder.

"God I-" I start as I try to warn him but my orgasm cuts me off completely. Everything around me is gone and I am completely taken over by sensation, my whole body feels like its exploding and my back arches completely off the couch as I moan loud. It feels like my body shakes forever and as I slowly come back to reality I realize that Chuuya's mouth is on me, taking in everything and licking me clean. If I could come again just from that sight I think I would. Once I stop shaking and slightly regain my composure my purring comes to a halt. Chuuya removes his mouth from me and pulls my briefs back up for before sliding up my body. His mouth now on mine instead he kisses me softly and it feels incredible, I return the kiss and wrap my arms around his slim waist. I then realize that he is still aroused and I feel guilty.

"Chuuya I, you're still… can I?" I start but completely fail. He smiles at me and kisses me again, his lips lingering on mine before pulling back.

"Don't worry about it, I wanted to do this for you not for me," he replies with a blush. "You can owe me next time."

I nod eagerly in response and I tighten my grip on his waist. Having him this close to me is soothing, he's so warm and soft. I never want this moment to end, and it doesn't for a while. We simply lay like this for a long time, I play with his hair as his head rests on my chest and I can't help but smile. This doesn't feel real. Eventually my mind starts working fully again and I start thinking about everything that's happened. I remember that Dazai is back, I remember my feelings for this man that's laying on top of me and that this incredible man is my best friends ex. I feel my heart start racing as my nerves slowly kick back into action.

"Chuuya, what are we going to do," I begin and I realize I sound nervous. Chuuya moves off my chest and sits back on my lap and I move to lean onto my elbows to face him.

"Do about what?" he asks quietly. I feel like I'm completely ruining the mood but I can't stop myself, I need him to understand how I feel.

"About us. This, whatever this is. Dazai is back home and while he was gone I forgot he was a factor in all of this. He's my best friend, we can't do this…" I trail off and tears sting my eyes. Chuuya watches me with soft eyes and a slightly parted mouth before he places a hand comfortingly on my cheek. "I like you so much Chuuya. You have no idea, and the past few days have been unbelievable. I never thought this would happen in a million years. But my heart is killing me, I don't know what to do."

"Atsushi," Chuuya begins and I feel my tears begin to fall. I shouldn't be crying, I need to be stronger than this but I can't help it. I feel so vulnerable with him and I can't help but let my guard down when he's so close to me. He moves slightly to grab a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and wraps it around my shoulders, kissing my forehead before he sits back on my lap again. "This is hard for me too Atsushi. Believe me I have thought about this, how it will affect me but I know it will affect you even more. Dazai is in my past and I plan on keeping him there but he's in the present for you and I know how close you two are. I want something with you, so badly. I have been acting on impulse these last couple of days and that is completely out of character for me. I should have thought about your feelings before we became so involved, I am so sorry."

After he's done speaking I just sit there, unable to think of any words to say. My mind feels blank but my heart is racing. My heart knows exactly what it wants and I wish my mind would just agree but thing's just can't be that simple. Everything is complicated for me, it always has been.

"Don't apologize, I fell for you before any of this happened," I admit as words finally come back to me and Chuuya blushes slightly. "I'm not sure what to do, I don't want to hurt Dazai but I don't want to lose you either. I need you in my life, especially now after… everything."

"Atsushi-kun," he says with a smile and kisses me softly, I move to sit up and I wrap my arms around his waist to pull him closer. I need to feel him close to me, it makes me feel safe and protected somehow.

"I can't tell you what to do. I know I need you too and I'm not sure how I should feel about that. I've never felt this way about anyone, you're ruining me," he says with a smirk and I slightly smile at his joking tone. "I wish I could tell you to just be with me and fuck everyone else but I can't, the choice is up to you. And I will wait for you to figure everything out."

Everything is up to me but he will wait for me? My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest, I am overwhelmed with so many emotions I can't tell what's what anymore. All I know is that I'm tired, both physically and mentally, and that I am completely confused. Chuuya kisses me again and he lightly bites my lip as he pulls away, he is beyond enticing and he knows it.

"Well, I'm sure you're tired after everything we did," he says with a wink and I blush, "but I would love to make you dinner. If you want to stay for a bit that is."

At his offer I realize that I'm starving and food sounds like a really good idea. Not to mention I am definitely not ready to go home and face Dazai after what happened this afternoon. I gratefully accept his offer and he smiles, standing up he pulls me with him and throws me my shirt and jeans. I'm thankful for this and quickly dress, suddenly feeling very exposed. Once I'm situated I look over to Chuuya who is walking towards the kitchen in just his sweater.

"Don't you want to get dressed?" I ask with a serious blush and he turns to give me a smirk.

"You said you liked just the sweater so just the sweater it is, not to mention I'm quite comfortable," he says with a wink and continues towards his destination. I can't help but smile, I don't think I will ever be used to how confident this man is.


	7. Chapter 7

_Chuuya_

As I make my way into the kitchen I can't help but smirk and think about how blessed I am. I never would have thought I'd get this young man to hook up with me let alone like me, hell why should he? I dated his best friend, I'm the one who broke up with him, and I've hooked up with him still from time to time though this is something Atsushi can't find out. Sure we weren't a thing yet, but he's so fragile I can't hurt him, especially when he's so confused as it is. The fact that he likes me and trusts me is still baffling, Dazai didn't say anything about me to him? That would surprise me even more, the bastard never shuts up when he should.

I stand on the other side of the island and watch as Atsushi comes to join me, he sits on one of the stools opposite me and smiles. That soft smile, the one I fell for when he stumbled into my shop one day with Dazai and it took everything in me to not flirt with him then and there. He was still just as shy and sweet even then. But I figured that wouldn't go well with idiot Dazai standing there. I return the smile, amazed that this cute smile is just for me now, and I lean on the island with my elbows.

"What do you like to eat?" I can cook a lot of things, but learning his favourites sounds like something I definitely want to commit to memory.

"Umm, anything really. I'm not picky…" he starts and the blush that creeps up on his cheeks makes my stomach clench. The boy is far too cute for his own good, I smirk.

"Oh come on, there must be something you really like. I'm a good cook, hit me with anything," I say as I lace my fingers and rest my chin on them, watching Atsushi's eyes. They dart from me, to the fridge, to the cupboards, then back to me and he blushes again.

"Soup," he says bluntly. I blink a few times and can't help but laugh.

"Soup? Really? I could cook you an entire 3-course French cuisine and you choose soup?" I reply laughing and as I try to stop myself I give him a smirk, he blushes even deeper than before. Seriously, I don't think he ever stops, or maybe it's just me causing it. Either way, I'm glad he's a blushing mess around me, it makes me feel warm.

"Yes soup, it sounds comforting and always tastes good. I want soup," he says with a smile as he straightens up and I smile at his sudden confidence. It's nice to see him feeling sure about something, confidence suits him. I need to ensure this happens more often. Giving him a nod I make my way to one of the cupboards and open it, there's a few cans of premade soup and some packs to actually make soup. They're all different kinds. I reach up and grab a few to offer him and when I turn around his face is beet red, staring at him wide eyed I wait for some sort of explanation.

"I ah-, you… your sweater, it rode up… your sweater is so cute," is all he can say and I get it, I give him a smirk and walk back over to the island, setting down the variety of different soups. How did I not realize my sweater would ride up? I could have teased him so easily, I'm really off my game and this is not like me. So, making my way around the island I come up behind Atsushi and spin him around on the stool to face me, I'm really glad I bought swiveling stools now, and I move to stand between his legs. His eyes are glued to mine and his lips are parted and I would die to bite his already red lips but I resist, instead I grab his hands and put them on my hips underneath my sweater. He visibly swallows and I grin, changing my grip to his wrists I move his hands up to my waist then back to my ass. The look on his face is priceless and I am more than pleased with the reaction.

"You liked what you seen huh?" I whisper close to his ear and his hands daringly grip my ass, I bite my lip to stop my moan since he can't see me. Pulling myself back slightly I get to see his expression, his eyes are darker and his face is flushed, he bites his lip as he nods to answer my question. I push my ass back further into his grip but he only pulls me closer and surprises me completely when his lips crash onto mine and his tongue is instantly in my mouth. This time I can't help but moan as I wrap my arms around his waist and move in even closer, gripping his back and feeling his slim frame under my fingers. He's always so warm and for a minute I wonder if it has to do with his ability. He kisses me deeper and explores my mouth completely, taking me over entirely. His hands leave their spot and run up along my back, making me shiver along the path they lead and I moan again. God this kid is killing me, this needs to stop before we get too carried away. Pulling away I break the kiss and he actually whines, it's incredibly alluring to see the effect I have on him.

"Atsushi, calm down tiger," I tease and he's the one to smirk this time. His hands slide back down to my ass and grip tighter than before, I groan and bite my lip but I bring my hands around and place them firmly on his chest. "You need to stop or I won't be able to hold back."

"So don't?" he questions daringly and my heart stops. As tempted as I am, and believe me I am _beyond_ tempted, I do the smart thing here and back up out of his grasp then make my way back around to the other side of the island. He looks disappointed and almost embarrassed and this pulls at my heart strings. When did I become so sentimental anyways? I've never been bothered to notice someone's emotions so much before, he really is ruining me.

"As much as I would love to make more of your tiger side come out, I can't. If this," I gesture between the two of us, "is something you want then I want to do it right. I'm not going to rush things," I say softly and the familiar blush that I love so much comes back to Atsushi's cheeks along with a smile.

"Thank you Chuuya, that means a lot," he says quietly and his eyes are glossy like they're filling with tears. There's so many things I want to ask him, he always seems so surprised by kindness and caring, I want to know why, I want to know a lot of things but I know I'll have to wait. I'm just going to have to be patient and that will be a challenge.

"You don't need to thank me for being a considerate human being, it's just courtesy," I respond but his smile remains and I can't help but return it. Aligning the soup in front of him I give them a wave over with one hand, "pick any kind you want."

Atsushi stares at the soups for a long time, examining them like he hasn't eaten in a week and it's honestly amusing to watch. He eventually picks one and I'm thankful that he finally did so I set about to making it. The room is quiet while I do but it's a comfortable quiet, it doesn't feel awkward at all. I glance over at him while I move and he's just patiently watching me, looking like the happiest kid alive. I smile at this, it's nice to see him happy, I don't want to see him cry ever again.

"Hey Chuuya, earlier when you said you knew I was… new to everything," he slightly stutters but he catches my attention and I turn to meet his eyes, "how did you know that? Did Dazai ever talk about me?"

He looks embarrassed again and I blush for him. I continue stirring the soup on the stove while I think about his question. Yes, Dazai has talked to me about Atsushi, but it was never about anything like what he's asking me about. At least the idiot had the decency to not talk about his best friend like that and I'm thankful.

"Atsushi, please don't be embarrassed around me. I won't judge you ever I swear," I start because I hate seeing him feeling so self-conscious. He looks up at me and smiles softly though his cheeks are still flaming red, "and I guess I just knew. You feel so hesitant with me and like you overthink every move you make. Even when I first kissed you I thought you were going to faint."

"I thought I was going to faint too…" Atsushi admits and he laughs. He's smiling and it's beautiful, I can't help but laugh too.

"That would have been something new for me that's for sure," I say with a wink. "But seriously, you act so shy with me. Which I understand, but you really don't have to. I'm pretty accepting of anything so please just be yourself and quit thinking so much. I know that's what you're always doing."

He shuffles in his seat almost uncomfortably, like he's fighting with himself before he stands up and starts walking towards me. Stopping just behind me he wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck, holding me close and tight like he doesn't want to lose me. I sigh turning back towards the stove and relax into him.

"Dazai always said you were impatient and had a bad temper but I don't see that at all in you… well unless you're near Dazai," Atsushi states and I grin.

"Of course I'm like that near Dazai the guy is an idiot," I reply back and I feel Atsushi laugh against my back, it makes me dizzy. "And honestly I usually am like that, especially with Dazai he drives me crazy. I've always had a short temper but for some reason when I'm with you I feel different, you calm me down. It's a nice change."

"Hmm, I hope I don't calm you down too much," he dares to say and it catches me off guard entirely.

"Where the hell did that come from?" I say as I turn around in his grasp, he's grinning but his usual blush is still there.

"You told me to be myself and to stop overthinking, so that's what I'm going to try and do from now on," Atsushi says with his soft smile as he moves a hand from my waist to play with my hair a little bit, it makes me want to melt.

"Well I'm glad, I would love to see the real Atsushi," I state with a wink then turn back to the stove and stir the soup that I almost forgot about. "Well, soup's done. Get off me and I'll feed you."

Once the soup is served Atsushi devours it like he's starving and I laugh at his eagerness, he blushes. I take my time and we discuss simple things; Atsushi tells me about his favourite types of coffee at his shop and he asks me about different types of wine. Sitting here just talking is so easy and comfortable, it's nice. I don't experience this type of thing often because no one bothers to take the time to listen to me, not that I blame them considering I usually just blow everyone off with a snide remark. Atsushi is different though, no matter what he ever says I could never be mean to him, he's special not just as a person but to me as well which is another thing I'm not used to. I haven't let anyone get close to me in so long I feel like I don't entirely know what to do in this situation, but then again neither does he so that eases my mind a bit. We're both just as lost as the other.

After sitting and just talking for what feels like only a short time it turns out it was over an hour. Atsushi decides he should probably head home and talk to Dazai though he seems really hesitant to do so, I don't ask but I think I can understand why he's acting like so. I offer to drive him home which he gladly accepts and I'm thankful, it's a little more time I get to spend with him. Once in my car and on the way home Atsushi becomes quiet and seems apprehensive, I decide to give him his time to think since I know exactly what he's thinking. I feel my phone go off in my coat pocket and I ignore it though I can't help but think about who could possibly be texting me, no one texts me.

We pull up just down the street from Atsushi's apartment, he didn't want to chance Dazai seeing him get out of my car, and sit quietly. He looks at me with soft eyes and a slight bite to his lip and I can't stop myself when I pull him closer to bite that lip myself. My hands tangle into his hair and his on my upper arms as I deepen the kiss, dipping my tongue into his mouth just slightly but enough to make him moan. His moan is enough to send shivers down my spine and I pull him even closer, twining my tongue with his, he grips my arms tighter. The kiss is slow but so erotic, I instantly feel myself grow harder and I'm almost embarrassed by how quickly my body reacts to him, I feel like a teenager again. Eventually I make myself break the kiss and we're both breathing hard, our gazes are locked and Atsushi's eyes are slightly hooded. He looks so aroused and sweet it makes me even harder, it takes all my might to keep from moaning.

"You need to leave before I can't control myself, I really don't want to fuck you for the first time in my car," I say as I try to breathe more normally, the blush on Atsushi's face is so red I laugh softly and give him a gentle kiss before pulling away completely. His hand moves to grab the door handle but he hesitates for a minute before finally deciding to open it. He swings a leg out then turns to face me, his face is illuminated by the street lights and he looks happy. It makes me smile.

"Thanks for tonight Chuuya, it was amazing."

"Of course, and please text me anytime, I'll always love to hear from you," I say with a wink and receive the usual blush I always get.

"Okay, see you later," he says with a smile before exiting the car completely. I watch until he jogs up the steps to his apartment and disappears before I let myself relax. Closing my eyes I rest my head back and try to regain my composure, steadying my breathing and trying not to think about Atsushi so lewdly. He comes off so cute but fuck, I never would have thought he could be so erotic. As I sit there I remember my phone went off earlier and I grab it to see who texted me and what the hell they could want.

 _"_ _Chuuya! When do you wanna fuck me again? I miss youu!_

 _Come see me soon."_

I groan so hard I instantly feel my temper flare, my whole mood is completely shot and I would give anything to knock the living day light out of this idiot. Dazai. This smug bastard thinks he can just text me out of nowhere, after months nonetheless, and expect me to bend to his will? And what a coincidence that he texts me now of all times. I throw my phone onto the seat beside me and grip the steering wheel hard to try to keep myself from bursting into his apartment, the main thing stopping me though is Atsushi. I can't do that in front of him. I try and keep my thoughts on him, it does calm me down a little bit. Enough for me to drive home where I plan on drinking at least one bottle of wine, stupid Dazai. Even when he's not near me he still manages to crawl under my skin.


	8. Chapter 8

_Atsushi_

As I make my way up the steps and into my building all I can think about are two things, Chuuya and Dazai. I would like to not think of both of them at the same time but I can't stop myself. I wish I were still at Chuuya's, his place is so relaxing and I would love to just be in his presence, but instead I have to deal with Dazai who will no doubt be just as neurotic as usual, if not more. Sighing I finally make it to my apartment door where I hesitate, I guess I have to face him sooner or later.

Slowly opening the door I make my way in, it's quiet. Too quiet. I toss my keys onto the table by the door before I call out for Dazai who groans from the living room. He's slumped on the couch, head hanging over the arm as he stares at his phone.

"Are you okay?" I ask sheepishly, I really would rather just go to bed and not have to listen to him ramble but I know I have to ask. He needs the attention and I wouldn't hear the end of it if I ignored him.

"Atsushi-kun, why won't he text me back?" Dazai whines and I freeze on the spot.

"Who?"

"Chuuya! What could he possibly be doing? How could he not care that I'm back?" he sighs as he throws an arm across his face in dramatic Dazai style. My heart is pounding as I stand there, still frozen. He texted Chuuya? Why? When? What could he have possibly said?

"Maybe he's busy," I say quietly as I make my way to the kitchen to get something to drink, I feel faint and my stomach is now killing me. My mind is reeling with so many questions. Do they still talk? Did Chuuya lie about Dazai really being in his past? It seems like it but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Maybe they are still close or maybe Dazai is delusional about their whole situation, either way I need to talk to Chuuya. I need to know his side before anything else.

Dazai joins me in the kitchen and leans on the counter to stare at me, I stare back with as little expression as I can. He looks exhausted, worse than earlier. As confused as I am about everything going on I can't help but to still worry about him.

"You look so tired Dazai, you should go to sleep," I suggest and he smiles.

"No no, I'm fine! I want to know how your night went. Did you have fun?"

"Yeah it was a good time, we didn't do much. Just grabbed something to eat and hung out for a while," I reply as nonchalantly as possible.

"So you didn't go on a date? You'd tell me right?" Dazai asks and he actually looks genuinely interested in my life. It's almost surprising but he can be caring when he wants to be.

"Ah, no. No date. Just went out with friends."

"Hmmm, whatever you say Atsushi-kun," he says with a wink and I feel like imploding. After a minute he pulls his phone out to check for messages, by the frown on his face I assume he has none. My stomach does a happy flip and I hate to admit that I'm glad he's had no response. "Why isn't he texting me back?"

"Aren't you two broken up? Why would he text his ex?" I ask sharply, almost too sharply and I internally facepalm. That wasn't smooth at all, crap. Dazai blinks at me a few times and looks stunned by my reaction and I don't blame him, I am too.

"Yeah but he always texts me back. We still talk and stuff you know," he says with a wide smile and my stomach drops to the floor, I feel like I'm going to be sick. I want to run out of the room but I know I can't without having to explain everything that has happened the last couple of days and that is something I really can't do right now.

"I don't know Dazai. Do you mind if I go to bed? I'm not feeling so great," I say quietly as I grab my glass to refill it. Dazai watches as I do and he looks concerned.

"Yeah of course go ahead! You do look kind of pale, I hope you're not coming down with something," he says softly as he places a hand on my forehead. His touch is cold and it would be soothing if he wasn't part of the problem right now. "Well you're not hot… but still. Go rest up. Since I'm back now I guess I should go to work, I talked to the boss earlier and he's furious. We work together tomorrow right?"

"I think so. See you in the morning then," I say as I practically bolt from the room to my own where I shut the door with a little too much force. I manage to place my drink on the table by my bed before I crumble to the floor and I can't help but sob. It feels like every emotion I've felt the last few days is bubbling over, I'm so overwhelmed I feel like I'm going to explode from the pressure. My body shakes as I cry, I can barely take in enough air to keep myself breathing. I need to try to calm myself down but it's no use. I can't stop thinking about Chuuya, about Dazai, about how they could still be a thing of some kind. Just the thought makes my stomach tighten and I pull my knees to my chest. I trust Chuuya, I have no reason not to but the dread I feel is overbearing. I need to try and breathe, to calm myself down before Dazai hears me and comes in here. I can't think about this right now, not while I'm so wound up.

After my tears finally run out I'm left with hiccups and sore eyes, I manage to get myself up off the floor, remove everything I'm wearing except my briefs, and crawl into bed. My bed is comforting and curling up in a ball under the blankets makes me feel enclosed and safe. I try not to think about Chuuya since it makes my eyes sting even more but I can't help it. The last couple of days were amazing but now it feels like things were too good to be true, why would something so good last? I should have known it wouldn't since happiness never lasts for me. I need to talk to him before I think too much, I don't want to ruin this before it has even begun but my overthinking has already kicked in. My negative thoughts always find their way back and I'm always reminded of how bad things used to be. Why wouldn't they get bad again? My whole life has been disappointment after disappointment so why would I even think this could be different? I sigh and curl up tighter as I realize how cold I am. My whole body aches, I feel so numb, and everything feels like it's crashing down around me. I didn't even realize I was crying again until I noticed my pillow was slightly damp and I don't even try to stop as I eventually drift into a restless slumber.

"Atsushi-kun wake up, we have to leave in 15 minutes," is all I hear from my door as I slowly come to. Did I even sleep? My eyes sting and my head is pounding. I must have forgotten to set an alarm last night and I groan as the memories come back. Great, I get to go to work with Dazai who is the last person I want to see right now and to top it off he didn't even wake me up early enough for me to shower. Today sucks already.

We make it to work after a long and silent car ride. I told Dazai I still wasn't feeling well, which he seemed to believe, so he laid off on his usual antics. Opening shop is the same as usual and it's nice that Dazai is finally back, now we all don't have to work so brutally hard every day. Which is great because right now I don't have the energy to work at all. Today is also raining so it will bring in less customers and I'm thankful because I really don't feel like dealing with people at the moment, at least some things are on my side today.

After a long and quiet morning that consisted of mindless cleaning the afternoon shift eventually comes in and I'm thankful to see anyone other than Dazai. Both Ranpo and Junichiro look at me with questioning looks as they come in and I internally groan. I figured I looked bad but not bad enough for both of them to be skeptical.

"Atsushi-kun you look terrible. What happened to you?" Ranpo asks in his usual blunt fashion as he slumps down in his chair by the door and I want to smash my face into the counter, it takes everything in me to refrain.

"I hate to agree with him but he's right, did something happen?" Junichiro asks with obvious concern and that makes me feel a bit better, it's nice having someone who cares enough to ask even though I don't really want to answer.

"I'm okay, rough night. Not feeling too great," I say then notice that the both of them seem on edge. "What?"

"Where's Dazai, isn't he back?" Ranpo asks and I groan. Right, they haven't seen him yet since he's returned.

"He's on break, I don't know where he went though," I say a moment too soon because within a second we hear calamity begin outside. There's a lot of screaming and before we can even move Dazai is all but thrown through the door of the shop by what looked like nothing until I see Chuuya follow suit and he looks beyond furious. Dazai is hovering just off the ground and he's completely held under Chuuya's ability, though he looks pretty calm about it, like this is a common occurrence. I try not to think about that.

"Don't ever come in my fucking shop again or I swear to god I will make your life a living hell! And don't even think about texting me in the middle of the fucking night with your stupid, lonely shit because we are done! And have been for a long time!" Chuuya all but screams as he throws Dazai to the ground where he lands with a loud crack. I can see that Chuuya's shaking from fury even from across the room and it makes my stomach hurt to see him so upset. After a minute his breathing evens out slightly and his level of calm is almost scarier than what his screaming was. "You mean nothing to me Dazai. Nothing. So find someone else you can fuck on the side and leave me the hell alone."

The shop is so quiet you could hear a pin drop and I am thanking whatever higher power that the store is empty. Chuuya's eyes eventually meet mine and I feel like I'm going to faint. His face softens slightly and a gentle sweep of red brushes his cheeks. He gives me an apologetic smile before he storms out of the shop, leaving us to deal with Dazai who is currently a soaking wet mess on the floor.

"Well that was a show to witness from the front row, and welcome back Dazai," Ranpo says with his chipper tone as he's still seated by the door and right beside where everything just happened. Dazai turns around from where he's sitting on the floor and gives him a wave then gets up to join where Junichiro and I are stood frozen in shock. He wipes his face and fluffs his hair a bit to try and dry off, it's unsuccessful. "What did you do to piss him off so bad?"

"Nothing! Well, I thought nothing. He's the one who takes everything overboard," Dazai scoffs as if this was just some petty little argument amongst friends and I am ready to bolt from the shop. I feel exhausted and frustrated but above all I'm worried about Chuuya. Dazai continues rambling to Ranpo and I decide this is my chance to take a break. I whisper over to Junichiro that I'll be back in a bit and he nods almost robotically, he still looks horrified over what just happened the poor guy, I almost feel guilty leaving him.

Making my way to the back store room I grab my coat and leave out of the back entrance towards Viñedo's. It's still pouring rain so I try and get there as quickly as possible. When I get to the shop there's only one customer and a lady at the window watching the storm. I've seen her once or twice before so I know she works here and since I don't see Chuuya I figure I'll just ask her about him.

"Hi, is Chuuya around?"

"Hello, he's in the back… I know you. You work at the coffee shop a few doors down," she says with a smile and I return it as best I can despite how horrible I feel.

"Yeah, I'm Atsushi."

"Kouyou, are you friends with Chuuya?" she asks and I feel my cheeks start to warm. She gives me a soft smile like she understands our situation before she points a thumb up towards the cash where there's a door. "You can go into the back, I'll allow it. He seems like he needs a friend right now anyways. Oh, and I hope he didn't break anything in your shop, he tends to get a little over the top sometimes."

I blush embarrassed and reassure her that nothing is broken before giving her my thanks. I quickly make my way around the shelves and into the back of the shop. There's a narrow hallway with a few doors on both sides, most of which are closed except one at the end on the right so I decide to try that one. I attempt to calm myself down before making it to said door but I'm so anxious I doubt anything will help. I take a breath before softly knocking on the door, it's quiet but someone moves from behind it.

"What do you want Kou-," the voice starts with obvious agitation before pulling the door open where he stops mid-sentence as he realizes it's me. Chuuya stares at me for what feels like forever before finally letting out the breath he was apparently holding. "Atsushi."

"Hi, I wanted to see if you were okay…" I start but my voice breaks as I feel my eyes start to sting. Don't cry here, you can't cry here, pull it together I all but will myself. We stand there silently and just stare at each other, the air feels so tense you could cut it with a knife, but eventually Chuuya is the one to break our gaze.

"He texted me when I was with you last night. Then again, and again. It took everything within me to stop myself from showing up at your apartment and ripping his head off but knowing you were there stopped me. I hate him Atsushi, he's selfish and ignorant and he will use anyone to get what he wants," Chuuya confesses and his hands are in fists, he's still angry and his eyes won't meet mine. He turns around and heads back into the room where he sits down at a desk, grabs a bottle of wine, and hastily drinks it down. I cautiously move into the room as well and all I can do is watch him as he crumbles into the chair he's in. After a few more swallows he looks at me and his eyes are shiny, like he's on the verge of tears. "I never lied to you Atsushi, but I wasn't entirely honest. Dazai and I haven't seen each other in months so we were never a thing while I've been seeing you, but back then he would text me for meaningless fucks and I would respond, why I don't know but I would. He would use me all the time to feel better about himself and yet I would do it even though I knew that's all he wanted me for. Eventually I didn't want to do it anymore so I rejected him and he hated me for it so he left me alone for a while, until last night. I don't know what you know about him but Dazai has a fucked up past that tends to come back to haunt him and he would always use me to feel better about it."

After Chuuya's done talking I feel numb and lost. I try and process everything he just said but none of it makes sense to me or I just don't want to believe it. Chuuya stares at me and I stare back and his expression softens completely. Standing up he makes his way to me where he places a hand on my cheek to wipe away the tears that I didn't realize had started to fall.

"I'm so sorry about all of this Atsushi, I'm sorry you had to see that fight, and I'm sorry for getting you involved. But I need to warn you, Dazai being gone for that long… I think it has to do with his past. He wouldn't text me like that if something didn't spark it. I need you to be careful around him, I don't think he's okay right now, and please, please call me if anything happens. I'll be there at any time you need me no matter what."

"Chuuya I don't even know what to say. I feel like my whole life has been flipped upside and I'm so sorry for what happened to you," I practically sob.

"Please don't think about me, I'm fine. Think about yourself. I want you to be happy and ever since you got involved with me I feel like I've changed your life for the worst-"

"But you haven't. I've never felt happier than I have in the time I've spent with you. Right now I feel horrible and confused and scared but you can't leave me, please don't say you want to leave…" I trail off and my heart starts racing as memories flood back from my childhood, from when I was left alone again and again and I feel myself starting to panic. The memories make me anxious and I feel like I'm going to pass out, Chuuya seems to notice though and he leads me over to the chair he was previously sitting in.

"Breathe Atsushi, I don't need you passing out in my store," he says and he crouches down in front of me then takes my hands in his. I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing, having Chuuya so close and feeling his soft touch helps to calm me down though and eventually I can think again. "Have you had panic attacks before?"

"Yeah, but not in a really long time," I admit hesitantly, afraid of what Chuuya might think but he seems understanding and above all concerned.

"Well, I promise I won't leave unless you want me to," he says with a small smile and I feel like I can fully breathe again. Hearing those words, that promise that he won't leave, makes me feel like I will be able to handle any situation. Hopefully this confidence stays with me because I feel like I'm going to need it. "Hey, are you going back to work? I can walk you back, I'm heading home after this. I can't work when I'm this stressed out."

"Ah-," I begin then stop, I forgot I was only on a break and I realize I still have a few hours left of my shift. Thinking about going back and facing Dazai as well as everyone else makes me feel faint again. "No, I think I'll just text Junichiro and tell him I'm going home sick."

"Okay, then I'll drive you home, it's the least I can do," Chuuya offers as he stands up then extends a hand for me to join him but I don't let go once I'm standing.

"Can I come to your place instead? I really don't want to be alone or with Dazai when he comes home," I all but plead and Chuuya smiles up at me, it instantly makes me feel a little warmer.

"Of course, you're always welcome to stay with me. I'd like to talk to you about everything too, if that's okay with you," he states with a gentle kiss to my cheek before he pulls me along and out the door.


	9. Chapter 9

As we leave Chuuya's office he insists on driving, but after seeing him throw someone across a room and drink a half a bottle of wine I nearly argue with him until he agrees to get a cab. After today I would at least like us both to live at the end of it. So he agrees and we eventually make it back to Chuuya's building and when we are finally behind closed doors in his apartment I couldn't be more thankful. I instantly feel more relaxed once I'm surrounded by the soothing and comfy atmosphere, the lights are dim and Chuuya lights a fire, making it feel even warmer. I'm completely chilled to the bone after being in and out of the rain all day and all of the day's events only added to that chill. I'm left standing by Chuuya's kitchen island while he tends to the fire and I just watch as he moves, stoking wood and setting it all up perfectly to keep a soft flame blazing, he does this all expertly. It's really attractive to see how skilled he is. He finishes up then makes his way to where I'm standing, he has a soft smile that looks so gentle in the dim lighting surrounding us and he smells like the wood he was just working with, I feel myself blush just looking at him.

"Do you need anything? Since you didn't bring anything here I'll provide what I can," Chuuya offers with so much kindness it makes my chest hurt.

"I could really use a hot shower, I'm freezing and Dazai didn't wake me up in time this morning to shower at home," I instantly blurt. The thought of a hot shower sounds heavenly. Chuuya smiles and nods as he turns and heads down the hallway where I follow.

"I have a guest bedroom, I'll set it up for you. I'm sure you'll want some privacy even though my room is always open," he says with a wink over his shoulder and I blush even redder than I probably already was. "It's the second door on the left."

"What's the first room?" I ask as we past the first door on the left, the one he went into the last time I was here.

"Wine cellar I guess you could call it, though it's obviously not in a cellar. I had it specially designed just for keeping my collection chilled," he explains and I can't say that I'm surprised he has a whole room dedicated to wine. "The last room on the left is my office, bathroom is across the hall from the guest room, and at the end of the hall is my room. Mi casa es su casa."

"Thanks," I say with a genuine smile that Chuuya returns as we head into the bathroom, which is similar to the rest of the place. Everything is clean and white, just like the other rooms of the apartment and has similar black accents that match with the theme but there's also some plants which kind of shocks me, it makes the space more soothing. I only get to gawk for a minute before Chuuya thrusts a towel at me and is heading out the door.

"Take your time, I want you to feel completely at home here. I'll find something for you to wear and leave it in the guest room," he says with a smile and what looks like a faint blush before he closes the door on me and I'm left standing there mindless. All of that just happened so quickly I barely had time to process it, but I just shrug it off and go about showering which I have never been so excited for.

I end up showering for what feels like an hour because Chuuya's shower is the most lavish shower I have ever been in. With double glass doors and black tile it has two shower heads, a shower seat, and a dim back light. It was all so relaxing I could have slept, I'm honestly surprised I didn't. Eventually I emerge from the shower and I realize only then that I have nothing to wear, I have my work uniform, which is wet, and this towel. I blush as I realize I'm going to have to wear just my towel to the guest room, though it's only across the hall and Chuuya has seen me naked before, I still feel anxious knowing he could catch me. So with a deep breath of confidence I grab my clothes and make my way out of the room, the coast is clear and I sigh as I make it to the guest room.

This room has a completely different theme to it than the rest of the apartment, the walls are a pale blue, the furniture is all a light wood stain, and there's plants in here too. It feels entirely different than everywhere else I've been here and I am almost thankful for it. Though I love Chuuya's apartment, this room reminds me of my own and it's comforting, I feel myself relax just a little bit more. Making my way to the bed, which is pretty big for a guest room I think, I find a white t-shirt, grey sweatshirt, and black sweatpants. I put them all on except the sweater and they fit perfectly, I briefly wonder why Chuuya has clothes that are at least a size bigger than he is but I push the thought to the back of my mind and leave the room to look for him.

I find him in the living room, curled up on the couch under a big, red blanket and when he sees me he smiles and holds his arms open. Making my way to the couch I accept the invitation and pull back the blanket to join him, he's wearing a plain blue shirt with shorts and my mind travels to other places. Before we get settled in Chuuya leans forward and grabs two mugs from the table and passes me one, it's warm and before I even know what it is I feel better. He settles back and pulls the blanket tighter around his waist then turns to face me.

"I made tea, it's green. I need to sober up a bit and I thought you'd like something warm," he says slightly flushed and I smile as I sip the tea. It's made perfectly.

"Thanks, I really needed this. Green's my favourite."

"Well I'm glad I made it then," Chuuya says with a slight grin before he outstretches his legs so they're draped over mine under the blanket, my hand instantly goes to rest on his thigh and he sighs as he sinks further into the sofa. "And I'm glad you're here."

"Me too, I love being here. I feel so much better when I'm here," I admit as I draw shapes on the blanket covering Chuuya's thighs, it's soothing and he seems to like it too.

"Why's that?" he asks with genuine interest and I blush as I think of all the reasons why being in Chuuya's apartment makes me happy. There's a long list I realize.

"Well, your apartment is really cozy, I feel so comfortable here. Even though I've only been here twice now. And I get to be with you, like this, just doing nothing. We can just be ourselves and relax so simply, I really like that," Chuuya smiles at my admission and reaches out a hand to grab mine, his touch is so warm, even warmed from the hot mug he held, I blush.

"I'm glad you like it here. And for me to actually relax with someone feels like a miracle," he replies with a smirk but it softens quickly. "I've never been so comfortable with someone in my life, you make me calm and I feel like just sitting like this with you is all I need. You're so quiet and sweet it compliments me well."

"How do you know I'm those things? You haven't been around me that long, I could be loud and wild for all you know," I say with a grin and Chuuya laughs and squeezes my hand.

"Yeah, we'll see. If you hang around me long enough I'm sure we can make you those things too," he returns my grin and my face instantly heats up. I sip my tea to hide my internal combustion. Chuuya takes a sip of his tea too before placing it on the table, he grabs mine as well and repeats the action before sliding closer to me and placing his hands delicately on my shoulders. I feel his warmth against me already and I instinctively wrap my arms around his waist to get him closer. "I already promised not to leave you, so it's up to you to choose if you want to stay with me. I know a lot happened today but that's something I want to put in the past, so I'm making you another promise. That I am completely done with Dazai and he won't ever use me again, hell I won't even talk to him unless if I'm forced to. He won't be a part of my life anymore I swear it. I want you, Atsushi, more than anything and I'll do whatever it takes for me to prove that to you. I don't want you to feel any pressure to do anything with me, if you need time to figure everything out then please take all the time you need because I'm not going anywhere."

This confession leaves me completely speechless and my body goes into autopilot as I pull Chuuya closer and kiss him with so much intensity it makes him gasp. The kiss is needy and messy and I put everything I have into it as I try and pull him closer and closer to me, I feel like I can't get enough. Chuuya wraps his arms around my neck and I gently push him down without breaking the kiss so his back's against the couch seats, his fingers tangle into my hair. With my arms still wrapped around his back I'm able to pull his body closer to mine and he arches up slightly into my chest. I slip my tongue into Chuuya's mouth and his taste instantly makes me light headed and we both moan as I caress every space I find, learning every part of him that I can. His grip on my hair tightens and he doesn't try to stop his moans into my mouth, I haven't heard him so vocal before and it only makes me need more. Chuuya pushes me back softly though and I'm slightly disappointed. We're both left panting and trying to breathe, I didn't even realize how out of breath I was until now. He runs his fingers through my hair as he stares up at me, his eyes are a dark blue and the blush on his cheeks is so enticing I feel my stomach tighten.

"Wow, I guess you like when I'm sappy," he breathes. I place a kiss to his throat and that makes him all but whimper.

"I like you in general Chuuya, everything you said only made me feel that even more. Though I really do like your sappy side," I say with a blush, he smiles and brushes a few strands of my hair out of my face.

"Well don't get used to it, I'm not a sappy person. That was a rare occurrence."

"Mhmm, we'll see. But seriously, what you said… thank you, for everything, no one has ever said anything like that to me. I've never felt so cared for or so close to anyone. I'm still overwhelmed from everything that's been going on but I know that I want you too, that's one thing I'm sure of."

"Atsushi," he whispers before pulling me down to his lips where he kisses me softly and slower than before. Our lips barely touch as he continues to kiss me again and again, his tongue lightly touching mine every so often and the gentleness of his actions makes my heart feel like it's going to burst. He continues to kiss me as he slowly speaks between touches, "sleep with me tonight, please?"

I pull back in shock and my brain instantly goes into overdrive with what that could possibly mean, there's so many different meanings to such a short phrase and I feel like I'm overthinking all of them. I slightly panic. Chuuya seems to notice because he smiles and begins playing with my hair to try and calm me down.

"I don't mean sex, just sleep with me. There's plenty of time for that," he reassures me with a wink and I let out the breath I was holding as I visibly relax. I nod to accept his offer then he pushes me up and off of him, after fighting with the blanket that was wrapped around him he manages to stand up. I finally get to see his outfit fully and my cheeks feel hot at the sight. His shorts are short, really short, tight, and grey; they make his legs look impossibly long and it takes everything in me to not reach out and touch them, but my possible actions are halted when Chuuya states, "I'm starving, let's order takeout."

The rest of the day is pretty much perfect in my eyes. We order pizza from a place down the street and simply enjoy each other's company. Chuuya puts on a few movies but neither of us really pay attention because Chuuya likes to talk a lot during movies apparently, though I really don't mind. I doubt I would have paid attention to them even if he was quiet since he was curled up against me with his head in my lap, I got to play with his hair and I think he almost fell asleep. It was one of the most relaxing afternoons of my life and I have never needed to relax more in my life than at this moment. Everything just feels so right and I'm trying my best to not let my pessimistic thoughts creep in but they're embedded in me, I'm always reminding myself that happiness isn't for me. That I shouldn't be allowed to have someone so good in my life because they will leave, I try so hard to push these thoughts aside but they still linger in the back of my mind.

Chuuya shifts from my lap and it pulls me from my internal babbling, I'm thankful for that. He sits up and gives me a quick kiss before standing up and slightly fixing his unruly hair, at this point it's hopeless since he's been laying on it most of the day, but it's cute to watch nonetheless. "I'm going to get ready for bed, I'm exhausted. I bought you a toothbrush and stuff earlier, I figured you might want them."

"When did you do that?" I ask confused, he hasn't left the apartment the whole day, or so I thought.

"This apartment building has a little store on the main floor, you can buy pretty much anything there," he says with a grin then turns to head down the hallway. "I left it all in the guest room."

"Hey Chuuya," I call out and he stops, pivoting to face me, "I really like those shorts. Really," I say and he gives me the darkest smirk before turning around and sticking his butt out in my direction, bending his knees just right to make his stance entirely seductive before he struts off down the hall. I feel like I'm going to pass out but before I let that happen I get up and follow where he disappeared to, though I go to the guest room instead. I don't know how I didn't notice the bag of supplies left on the dresser when I was in here earlier. Grabbing what I need I head to the bathroom and get ready for bed, this is when I realize that I'll be sleeping with Chuuya and my heart starts racing. I'm excited but completely horrified, I've never slept with another person let alone someone I really like. I begin overthinking what could possibly happen and I tell myself again and again that I need to just breathe. I'll be fine, it's only Chuuya, he wants me to be comfortable and that's what I need to be. I try and regulate my breathing as I leave the bathroom and I halt outside of his door. Do I just go in or should I knock? Would that be weird? I opt for the latter, lightly tapping the door before walking in. He's nowhere to be seen and I breathe a sigh of relief. His room is immaculate with dark wood finishing's, deep red walls, and what looks like really expensive art decorating various spots. The room looks like something out of a dark and almost gothic fairytale.

I head towards his bed and run my fingers along the sheets, they're black silk with slight silver accents and they're incredibly soft. Chuuya opens a door behind me and it makes me jump as I'm pulled out of my gaping, he has an en suite bathroom that I didn't even notice. He makes his way over to the light switch and turns it off before climbing onto his bed which makes him look tiny in comparison. The room is only lit by the city ambiance that is coming through the floor-to-ceiling windows and it shadows Chuuya perfectly, darkening certain areas and highlighting others, he looks gorgeous. He pulls the bed sheets back and crawls in then pats the bed, I realize then that I haven't moved at all and I will my brain to work as I make my way to him, joining him in the silk paradise that is his bed.

Chuuya barely gives me time to even think before he has me pinned, him between my legs and my wrists held down on either side of my head. He kisses me with no hesitation and I moan just from this, his teeth biting my lip and his tongue filling my mouth completely. He's an expert with his mouth and the strength he has as he's holding me down makes me feel overpowered, I realize then that I love this feeling. I try and move but I can't, even the places he isn't touching I am unable to move and I realize he must be holding me down with his ability, I feel totally vulnerable and I groan. Chuuya's mouth leaves mine with a bite to my lip before his teeth continue down my throat, he bites just hard enough for it to sting and I whine but his tongue soothes the area making it feel sensitive and instead leaving me wanting more. I feel myself getting hard and it's becoming almost unbearable having no contact, I try and shift my hips but I still can't, I whimper in slight frustration.

"Chuuya please," I nearly beg, his lips trail up my throat and along my jaw before he kisses my lips, it's a quick peck and it's not nearly enough.

"What's wrong?" he teases with a grin and it hits me right in the gut, I moan.

"Let me move, I need more, please," his grin turns to a smile before one of his hands moves up to my head and he caresses one of my cat ears that I didn't realize had shown up, I can't stop the purr at the sensation that ignites through my body from such a simple touch. He shifts his body slightly and it's just enough for him to grind his erection against mine and the moan that leaves me is embarrassing, I try and cover my face with my free hand but I'm stopped mid-movement by his ability. "Nnngh, Chuuya, please!"

"You're quite the beggar aren't you?" he says with another roll of his hips, his mouth captures the moan that escapes me this time. I try and kiss him back but he keeps his distance just enough so that our lips barely touch, "patience Atsushi. I'm going to make you feel incredible."

Chuuya sits up and pulls me with him, I have control of my body again so I wrap my arms around him and this time I'm the one to bite his neck. He throws his head back with a sharp moan of my name. I lick the spot gently before sucking his skin and lightly biting again. His fingers entwine with my hair and I try not to moan with how hard he pulls, instead I kiss a trail down his throat and he moans the whole way. His fingers leave my hair and move to the hem of his shirt which he quickly discards, my own follows seconds later then I'm pushed back into the bed again. He reclaims his position between my legs and frenches me, it's a messy and hard kiss that instantly has me keening. My hands move around to his back where I graze my nails down until I reach his ass, there I grab firmly and it earns me a lewd sob. I push his groin down into me and the friction makes me see stars. I continue to make him grind into me and he buries his face into my neck as he pants and curses under his breath.

"Atsushi fuck, stop. I don't want to cum like this," he whines into my shoulder as he grabs my hands and pulls them away then pins them to the bed with gravity. His lips kiss my collarbone then travel down, creating a path down the center of my chest until he reaches my pants. He grips the waist band and yanks them off in one swift motion before throwing them across the room, leaving me completely nude now. His lips connect with my skin again as he kisses my hip bone and his hand grasps my cock, he slowly strokes and it's agonizing. I try and move my hands but I still can't and I groan against the resistance, I need to touch him. Not being able to move only adds to my building frustration that Chuuya is creating by working me so slowly. As he continues to stroke me his lips leave my hips and his tongue comes to lick a stripe on the underside of my shaft and I almost cum just from that.

"Chuuya, please! I-ah," I stutter in warning but my voice is cut off when his mouth takes over what his hand was doing, the warmth of his mouth and the feel of his tongue coating me makes my back arch off the bed entirely. He doesn't ease me into this as his head bobs up and down quickly, he's sloppy and the sounds his tongue makes as he laps at my skin is verging pornographic. This doesn't last long though, he slides me out of his mouth with a pop before he sits back and removes his shorts, tossing them to join the rest of our clothes. All I can do is watch as he licks a long line along his palm then grasps his own erection, stroking himself a few times and I notice he's watching me. His eyes are almost dazed and there's a grin on his red lips, his cheeks are flushed, and his hair frames his face in a perfectly messy display. He jacks himself off a few more times before he falls forward and hovers just above me. I reach my hands up and twine my fingers into his hair to pull his mouth to me, licking along his bottom lip before slipping my tongue in and caressing the roof of his mouth.

"Mmm Atsushi," he moans into my mouth breathless, "you're incredible. I'm going to make you feel just how amazing you are."

Chuuya places a hand on either side of my shoulders to keep himself steady as he lines his erection up with mine and when he slowly grinds down along me I feel my whole body tighten and like I'm engulfed in a burning heat. I look down and watch as he does it again but I can't keep my eyes open, throwing my head back into the pillow I moan and grip his hair even tighter in my hands. He continues his movements, grinding himself against me again and again and the friction combined with the eroticism of this has me seeing white as my mind begins to blank from sensation. I feel my chest start to vibrate as I begin purring and I pull Chuuya's mouth onto mine to try and silence it a little bit, though this doesn't work at all. I try and kiss him but it's challenging with the way he's moving and we're both moaning endlessly so I bite his lip, pulling him closer to me in any way I can.

"Atsushi," Chuuya groans as he dips his head into the crook of my neck where he softly kisses and nibbles, it's so intimate and soothing I can't stop the whine that leaves me. "Use your hand, grasp the both of us. It'll feel so good."

I don't hesitate to oblige, sliding a hand down between us I grasp both of our erections together and we both moan in unison, I arch my back and Chuuya bites down on my neck just a bit harder. Now he starts to move faster, grinding into my hand harder and I feel my whole body begin to sweat and tense with the friction and such a tight squeeze. With my one hand still in his hair I tighten my grip further as Chuuya's mouth is still nipping along my neck, shoulder, and collarbone, anywhere he can reach. He kisses and bites and is endlessly moaning words I can't understand but it makes me even more aroused though I didn't think that was even possible. I feel my gut begin to tighten and I know I'm not going to last much longer, so acting on instinct I move my hand to match his thrusts and squeeze tighter, Chuuya practically chokes and curses low into my throat.

"I'm not going to-" I begin to stutter my warning but can't finish my sentence, I'm too overwhelmed by sensation. My body starts to feel hotter, my hand leaves Chuuya's hair to grip the bedsheets at my side. I feel my stomach clench and I know I'm going to cum any second, Chuuya seems to notice too because he starts whispering in my ear, begging me to cum for him in a deep and sultry voice and I lose it. My back arches up into his chest and I cum so hard I can't even moan, my voice is caught in my throat, my whole body feels like it's on fire, burning me from the inside out, and my mind goes completely white as I coat our stomachs in spurts of cum. Chuuya slowly keeps grinding and the oversensitivity has me shaking, I nearly beg him to stop. When he does stop I'm breathless and I pull his mouth to mine and kiss him deep, he whimpers softly and kisses me back with just as much passion. He pulls away and I notice he still hasn't cum yet and this time I plan to do something about it. Before he can protest I flip him over and slide down his body then grip his hips to keep them in place.

"Atsushi I-" he begins but I cut him off as I grasp him with one hand and place a kiss to the head of his cock, the moan he lets out is so loud I almost worry about the neighbours. I've never done this before but I'm not nervous, I feel confident and I use this to my advantage. I take as much of him into my mouth as I can before I feel like I'm going to gag then lick up along the side of his shaft, using my hand to stroke what my mouth can't. Chuuya brings a fist to his mouth and bites the back of it to try and keep some composure while his other hand is in my hair, gripping it tight and pulling every time I hit a sensitive spot. "I'm so close Atsushi fuck."

I keep doing what I'm doing, licking and sucking and keeping a steady pace then I feel his cock start to twitch in my mouth and his body start to tremble under my touch. His grip in my hair pulls hard enough for me to pull my mouth off of him and he pulls me up his body, smashing my mouth onto his. I continue to jack him off a bit faster and a bit harder and that's when he cums. He moans sharply into my mouth over and over and it's nearly a sob, he pulls my hair tighter, and thrusts up into my hand repeatedly as he cums all over it. Watching his body, feeling him shake, and tasting his orgasm puts me in complete awe of how beautiful he really is. I can't help but be in shock by him, hell I'm in shock with myself. I made another person orgasm and I have to admit I feel kind of proud. Eventually his body stops twitching and he lets go of his grip on my hair to play with it instead, his mouth detaches from mine and were both breathing hard. I realize my hand is still covered in his cum and without thinking I bring it up to my mouth to taste, it's bitter but sweet, I think I actually like it. Chuuya watches my actions with wide eyes and I blush.

"Holy fuck Atsushi, you're incredible," he says with a tired grin and he pulls me down to kiss him, it's soft and gentle, his tongue caresses mine and we stay like this for a few minutes. Tasting, enjoying, and trying to regain our composure. I break the kiss out of exhaustion and collapse on the bed beside him, completely spent. Chuuya rolls over to his bedside table where he grabs tissues and wet wipes. I almost laugh at how prepared he is but I'm too tired. He cleans the both of us up, disposes of the supplies, and then rolls over to cuddle up against me. I pull the blankets up so were almost completely covered and it's so comforting and warm. Chuuya kisses my chest a few times and I feel him smiling, I feel myself begin to blush at the attention. "You have a tail too you know."

"What?!" I almost choke and Chuuya moves to prop himself up on my chest, the grin on his face combined with my embarrassment makes me want to run and hide, I cover my face with my hands and groan instead.

"Yeah, I felt it brush against my back a few times but I didn't want to say anything. I was kind of preoccupied," he says with a wink and I groan again. "But don't worry, I really like it Atsushi, please don't be embarrassed."

"How can I not be?! I didn't even notice it and it's a part of me!" I practically whine and Chuuya laughs softly before removing my hands from my face. When I chance opening my eyes he's smiling at me and there's nothing judgmental about it. He leans up to kiss me and it reassures me some, I kiss him back softly.

"You were kind of too preoccupied to notice either but hey, now you know. It's really fluffy, I wish you could whip it out more often, it'd be great to snuggle up with," Chuuya admits with a blush and he looks like he's the one who's embarrassed this time. I scoff and try to hold back my laugh as he playfully smacks my chest, "what I can't help it! I think you're adorable, I can't help myself when I'm with you."

"Can't you just settle for cuddling up with me like this?" I ask with a mock pout and I see him blush again before he settles back into my side, wrapping an arm around my waist.

"Yes I suppose I'll have to," he responds and I hear the smirk in his voice. "But Atsushi, you were great tonight. I haven't felt that good, in so many ways, in ages. I'm glad you're staying the night."

"Me too," is all I can manage and I pull him closer. Hearing him compliment me like that makes me feel so many things and my mind starts its usual overthinking. I close my eyes and try to keep myself calm, there's no reason for me to start worrying about things, especially when everything currently feels perfect. I draw patterns on Chuuya's back to distract myself and within minutes he's sound asleep, his breathing is soft on my chest and it soothes me, making me tired as well. It's not long before I too am drifting off to sleep, forgetting everything that happened today, and it's with a smile on my face.


	10. Chapter 10

_Chuuya_

I awake to a sharp, ripping pain in my forearm and I sit bolt upright, cursing and completely confused by what in the hell is going on. It's still dark out and I look to find where the pain is coming from. I see claws digging into my skin and slight trails of blood, said claws belonging to Atsushi who is still asleep but not sleeping soundly. His grip tightens on my arm and I wince as I try and stay quiet, I don't want to scare him awake but something needs to be done. I try and turn over enough so that I'm facing him and I slightly touch his shoulder, he flinches and curls up even more and I feel that his skin is moist with sweat.

"Atsushi, wake up," I whisper and gently stroke his shoulder, he twitches again and it makes his claws delve deeper, I bite my lip hard to keep from cursing. His tail then wraps around my wrist to halt my movement and it won't let me pull away either. "Atsushi, you're dreaming. You need to wake up." He twitches at my voice again and finally removes his claws from my arm, I sigh in relief now that the pain is gone and I bring my arm to my mouth to at least lick off some of the blood before I move to sit up on my legs. With one of my hands still grasped by his tail I can only use the other one to softly touch his arm and shake him just slightly to try and awaken him.

"No… no, no! Please stop, just stop-" Atsushi mumbles in his sleep and I freeze. He rolls onto his back and the grip his tail has on my wrist tightens, when he rolls he pulls me with him and I all but fall onto his stomach, thankfully I stop myself in time. "Stop hurting me, I can't- just stop!" he yells as he sits up, scaring the crap out of me. I would have fallen over if his tail wasn't still gripping me tight. Atsushi's eyes pop open and he's crying, his breathing is heavy and he looks around a few times before he realizes what's going on. His eyes travel to his tail that's currently gripping my wrist for dear life and he lets it go before his eyes land on mine and my heart aches when they do. The purple and yellow irises of his eyes are shiny and look both terrified and wounded, he looks like he's disturbed by whatever happened in his dream and before I can move he launches himself onto me, pulling me in so close and so tight I can barely breathe. I return his hug as best as I can and I feel his whole body shaking. I hold him for a while before pushing him back slightly so I can at least sit comfortably and to survey him, though he's reluctant to let me go at first he eventually does.

"Atsushi, are you okay?" I ask quietly and he stares at me while biting his bottom lip. He still looks scared but his breathing is starting to calm down a bit, I reach a hand up to stroke one of his cat ears and he visibly relaxes into the touch, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath. He eventually opens his eyes and gives me a soft nod. His eyes travel over me and land on my forearm where they widen and he gasps before lightly touching the area, avoiding the puncture wounds his claws left, I flinch.

"Did I do this?" he asks in shock and I touch his hand, twining my fingers with his.

"Yes, but I'm okay, don't worry about me," I reassure him before leaning up to kiss him on the cheek, he blushes but his eyes stay on my arm. "Atsushi, what were you dreaming? You seemed so scared…"

"I… sometimes memories from my childhood come back. They're like flashbacks, like I'm reliving them all over again…" he trails off and I visibly see his body tense as he pulls his knees up to his chest, his eyes stare into his hands like he's lost in his thoughts. I watch him for a few seconds before I get out of bed and try to find clothes, I reassure him that I'll be right back before I leave and he looks worried. So I make my trip to the kitchen as quick as possible to make him tea and to clean my arm up a bit, when I come back Atsushi hasn't moved. I join him in bed and hand him the mug, he takes it willingly and instantly sips it, his cheeks flush and he softly smiles when he looks at me. "Thank you."

"I don't want to make you talk about whatever you dreamt, but I'll gladly listen if you want to," I offer with genuine interest and Atsushi stares at me, his eyes are still wet and he softly hiccups from previously crying. He takes a sip of his tea before resting it on his knees and his tail wraps around his waist, it's adorable and I try so hard not to blush at the image before me.

"My dream was from when I was a child, I was always alone but when I wasn't it was never for a good reason. Someone was either mad at me or scared of me. I spent a lot of time being by myself so all I did was read or try to find something to keep myself distracted. We weren't allowed to leave the orphanage so I would always try and find places to try and feel safe. In my dream I was in the orphanage library and I heard someone coming near me…" his voice trails off and he bites his lip as his eyes close, he focuses on the dream and I can hear the pain in his voice as he continues. "I heard their voice from around the corner, 'he has to be in here, he always comes here when he's in trouble', they say and I try to hide. They find me and I try to run but they corner me, they grab my wrist and pull me on the ground behind them, I can't even fight because if I do my punishment will be worse.

"I'm dragged into the main office of the orphanage and they yell at me, they blame me for the destruction that I didn't know I caused. They burn me, it was their favourite choice of punishment," Atsushi practically whispers as his fingers skim his smooth torso and I never noticed the scars there until now. They're so faint but they crisscross over his skin in various patterns, I want to touch them and try to comfort him but I decide to just let him continue. "I try and beg them to stop but they just keep screaming that I should have never been born, that I'm useless, and that I will be alone forever because who would want someone as horrible as me. Eventually I get away and I run back to my little sanctuary in the library because where else am I going to go? I had no one and I didn't know anything else. I sob all alone in my little corner that I made my comfort zone and I'm in so much pain, it feels like my whole body is on fire and then someone saves me. That's when I woke up.

"I get these flashback dreams often and it's almost always the same scene, over and over again. I feel the pain like it's happening in real life but this time was different, the pain wasn't as bad. In my dream there was someone there, they stood off to the side but they didn't feel bad, it felt like they were trying to shield me somehow. The closer they got, the lesser the pain and I woke up earlier than I usually do," Atsushi says as he glimpses up towards me and his eyes don't look so scared anymore, though he's still crying softly. "I think that person was you. I've been alone my whole life. I was at the orphanage until only a couple of years ago when they finally kicked me out. I had to figure everything out for myself, eventually I met Dazai at a fostering program and a little while after he turned 18 he took me away and we got a place to live. He disappeared a lot then, even more than now. I'd see him every once in a while so even then I was still alone most of the time.

"So when I panic and I make you promise to never leave me… I'm sorry if I'm clingy and annoying but I'm so scared. I have never had anyone stay, I have never had anyone in general," he says softly as he finishes off his tea. I take the mug and place it on my nightstand beside the bed. He grabs one of my hands and I blush at how gentle his touch is, I return his grasp. "No one has ever cared about me or even given me the time of day like you have Chuuya, that's why I can't imagine you leaving. The thought terrifies me. I need you to know that I need you in my life for more reasons than just not feeling alone, I don't know how to explain it… you mean the world to me. And I want you to know I trust that you won't leave me."

"Atsushi I-" my words start but can't continue as I am frozen trying to think of something, anything to say. Atsushi stares at me with wide eyes full of promise and he looks like a little kid, so innocent and sweet. I move under the sheets so that I'm sitting on his lap and run my fingers through his hair. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer, burying his face into my neck and I feel wetness hit my skin and I know he's crying again. I reach up and stroke behind his ears and he starts to softly purr against me, relaxing into my touch and wrapping his tail around my waist. It almost makes me shiver it's so soft. "I will never find you clingy or annoying, ever, if you need me to promise you every day that I won't leave then I will if it makes you feel better. And I won't let anyone hurt you ever again, I swear on my life. If anyone even looks at you wrong they're going to seriously regret it."

Atsushi sits back a bit to look at me and he looks almost shocked, his eyes big and his mouth slightly open, he just stares at me. I feel myself blush under his gaze and he bites his lip, "I can believe that after seeing what you did to Dazai…"

"Tch, that was easy. I can do much worse trust me," I say with a smirk and I receive the blush that I missed so much in response. I kiss his forehead before lightly pushing him back to lay down, he does so with no resistance and I move to get comfy on top of him. His tail trails up my spine before resting across the small of my back and I can't stop the shiver this elicits, Atsushi actually smiles. "You learned how to control your ability quick I see."

"Kind of, I'm still not entirely sure what brings it out but I guess I know how to control parts of it," he says blushing and I kiss his lips. He tastes like salt from crying but he's also warm from the tea and sweet just from his own taste, all of this makes me melt against him. I kiss his mouth softly again, licking his lip and getting a quiet moan before I kiss his cheeks, his jaw, his throat, wherever my lips can reach. I feel like I can't get enough of this boy and I need to show him how much I do care about him. My mind travels to other places as I think of how to express such caring and I stop myself, right now is not the time to be thinking about such things though my body starts to think otherwise. Calm down Chuuya.

"You're amazing you know, don't ever think you're useless or bad or anything those bastards told you back then," I say against Atsushi's lips before pulling away to see the shine in his eyes and his bottom lip slightly tremble, he stares at me before a tear trails down his flushed skin. I kiss it away then close my lips over his again, caressing his tenderly and for a long moment before pulling away. Rolling off of him I move so I'm on my side and I grab one of his arms to wrap it around me, he molds against my back perfectly and grips me tight, his tail gripping my waist and up my chest tighter and his legs entwining with mine. "Are you okay Atsushi?" I whisper as I trail my fingers up and down his arm that's wrapped around me.

"I will be," he responds softly and kisses in between my shoulders, I shiver instantly. "I'm still so scared of ending up alone and of being hurt again… but telling you everything made that feel a little better somehow. I feel safe with you and I hope that only makes my nightmares seem less and less real." The rumble that starts against my back from his purring soon after he confides makes me relax, if he's purring then he must be somewhat okay. After a while his breathing shallows and I can tell he's asleep, I'm thankful, he deserves to sleep after all that's happened. I just hope he dreams better now.

As Atsushi sleeps behind me I can't stop thinking about everything he told me and I feel infuriated knowing that people could hurt him and make him feel so horrible about himself. I have never met someone so pure and kind in my whole life and I wonder how he ended up being such things with everything he went through. Sometimes I forget how young he is, he's still only a teenager, a late teenager but still. He's barely experienced life and what he has it has been torture and this is when I realize I need to change this for him. He admitted that he trusts me and after hearing his story his words only mean that much more, I need to show him that life isn't so bad and that he is perfect no matter what he thinks about himself. I start planning all sorts of things I can do for him as I eventually join him in slumber.

The next morning I awake to an empty bed, the sun is barely up so I roll over to check the time. It's 6:30am. I make myself get up even though I'm still exhausted but I have to find Atsushi, he wouldn't have left would he? My heart almost hits the floor at the thought; there's no way. I grab a housecoat off the back of my bedroom door and throw it on before leaving the room. It smells like eggs and other breakfast foods and I smile, breathing a sigh of relief that yes, Atsushi is still here. Making my way to the kitchen I quietly take a seat at the island and watch him cook, he doesn't realize I'm here yet so I get to see him act naturally. He's humming to himself as he makes omurice on the stove and he's only wearing the sweatpants that I left for him. His hair is messier than usual and when he turns around and sees me I get to see all the little bruised marks I left on his neck and down his chest the night before, the contrast against his pale skin looks beautiful. He almost has a heart attack when he realizes I've been sitting here though and I laugh as he grips his chest in shock. "Good morning."

"Chuuya jesus! You scared me half to death," Atsushi gasps as he tries to regain his breathing, I laugh even more and he just smiles once he regains his composure. "Good morning, I hope you like breakfast. I was starving so I thought you might be too."

"Yeah, I'm starving too now that you mention it, and it smells great," I say as I return his warm smile. Atsushi finishes cooking and brings two plates over to the island, placing one in front of me before sitting down to his own. I take a bite and am completely in shock by the taste, "Atsushi, this is incredible! I didn't think you'd be a good cook."

"I grew up with nothing to eat, then when I moved in with Dazai he was never home so I had to teach myself how to cook. Being able to afford food was a luxury so I was always trying different recipes to see what I liked," he says with a blush but what he says makes my heart hurt. "Thanks for having confidence in my cooking though," he says with a wink and I can't help but smile at his humour, he's always so positive.

"Just had to be honest," I admit with a grin and he laughs softly. "Do you work today?"

"Not until this afternoon… I'm dreading it," he confides and his shoulders slump forward. "Do you?"

"I work whenever I want to work. I'll head in once I drop you off," I say and he smiles at the offer. We finish off the omelet's and I go about starting the dishes but Atsushi insists that he will do them since he made the mess, I definitely won't argue against doing dishes so I head off to take a shower while he does. When I'm done showering I come back to find that Atsushi put on a sweater, it almost leaves me feeling disappointed, and he's sitting on the couch so I join him.

"How's your arm? I still feel so bad…" he asks with so much concern as he eyes the bandage I put over it. I throw my legs over his lap and make myself comfy before I answer him.

"It's fine, honestly. I think I can handle what my little tiger throws at me," I say with a wink and Atsushi instantly flushes red and bites his bottom lip, I'm satisfied with his reaction to say the least. "But what are you going to tell Dazai? You never did return to work or go home."

"Yeah, I thought about that. I haven't even checked my phone, I'm too scared to," he says with a frown and he rubs a hand up and down my leg along my thigh, almost like he's trying to find some sort of comfort. "I'm going to have to tell him."

"Tell him what?" my heart starts to race as his eyes meet mine, they look equally as worried as I feel.

"About us. I'm going to have to be honest about where I went last night… and Dazai needs to know, I can't hide secrets from him," Atsushi states as he rests his head into the couch and closes his eyes, letting out a few shaky breaths as he no doubt thinks about what he's going to say. I decide to let him think quietly and I just watch him while he does as I begin thinking my own thoughts. Knowing Dazai he will likely freak out but I pray that he will be understanding since its Atsushi, hopefully he's a decent enough person to be good to him even if this does involve me. Atsushi deserves to be happy and if I'm the one who can do give him that I think I deserve a shot, even if Dazai is going to be a pain in the ass about it. I wish he wasn't even a part of the picture but that's not going to happen.

We spend the next few hours just relaxing and not talking about Dazai, I try and keep Atsushi distracted and as happy as possible which seems to be working since he's been all smiles since we last spoke of the idiot. Seeing him smile only makes me want to do more for him and I vow to myself that I will do anything and everything to keep him smiling from now on. Eventually we have to leave for work and neither of us are happy about it, then I remember that I left my car at Viñedo's to cab home the night before and I'm even more upset about the whole situation. I am so tempted to just stay home and drag Atsushi back to bed with me but I know I can't, so we call for a cab and wait patiently for our day to get even worse. Though all I can do is think of Atsushi and how much worse his day will be and how I would do anything to just avoid this situation all together, but all I can do is hope for the best.


	11. Chapter 11

_Atsushi_

By the time 9pm came and my work shift was finally ending I felt like I was going to pass out. Not because I was tired but because my brain had been running through different scenarios of how my night was going to play out over and over again. Dazai worked the morning shift so I only worked with him for a few hours when I came in before he went home but during that time it was awkward to say the least. He barely talked to me and that is beyond unusual for him, he would only give me the odd glance and every time he did I felt my stomach clench. Dazai was completely unreadable and that is a very bad thing.

So when I leave out the front door of Crema's to lock up and I see Dazai's car parked at the curb, to say I'm shocked would be an understatement. I finish locking up and just stare, trying to make sure that it is really him and when he gives me a honk I jump. Willing my heart to start pumping again and my body to work I force myself to his car and climb in. I chance a glance at him after buckling up and his face is stone but he does glance back, his expression, or lack thereof, makes me very nervous.

"Dazai, I'm sorry I never came home yesterday or contacted you or anything. I just-" I stammer but my words fall short as I feel my heart begin to race. How do I even go about explaining anything to him without just flat out telling him everything? Especially when he's so on edge to begin with, his current demeanor is making this whole situation a lot harder to deal with, I just want to curl up and hide at this point. Eventually Dazai lets out a breath and pulls away from the curb to head in the direction of home, I sigh in relief.

"Atsushi-kun, don't do that to me ever again," is all he says and this makes me mad. How can Dazai be scrutinize me for disappearing when he does it all the time? Why does he get to do as he pleases with no reprimand while I'm treated like a child who snuck out for the night? I'm not sure why but his words make me snap and I can't stop myself from exploding.

"Do what?! Leave and not tell you a damn thing about where I'm going?! Dazai-san, you do that to me all the time! Why do you get to be pissed off and ignore me all day when I leave once but you can just go run off and imagine suicide and do whatever you want anytime? Now you know how I feel…" my voice weakens and trails off at the end and my eyes begin to sting with tears. I feel my cheeks begin to burn and I try to calm myself down but it doesn't work too well. I didn't mean to yell at him but it did feel good and I smile to myself internally, I feel kind of triumphant and I'm pretty proud of myself for standing my ground. Dazai continues driving and we sit quietly for a few minutes, his face is still unreadable but he doesn't feel as tense, I'm thankful for this.

"You're right. I owe you an apology for my behavior. I've left you alone a lot and with no explanations and I'm sorry for that, you deserve honesty," he says and I see his lips twitch up at the end of that sentence, my stomach plummets. He definitely meant that for me too, he wants me to be honest with him and I plan to be even though I'm scared to death. I can't respond to his statement, this is not the place that I want to discuss things with Dazai so we remain silent until we finally pull up to our apartment building. I have never been so thankful to see the place in my life.

When we make it to our apartment Dazai throws his keys onto the table by the door, strolls over to the couch, and sits down. Every action is cold and his expression is even colder, I can feel his tension from the other side of the room. I knew he was either going to be neurotic or detached for this discussion, I was almost hoping for his neuroticism, at least that's a little more predictable. Hesitantly I make my way across the room and sit on the loveseat that's adjacent to where Dazai is sat on the sofa, my heart is pounding and I try and steady my breathing as best as I can.

"I spent the night at Chuuya's," is how I start this conversation and my stomach hits the floor as soon as the words leave my mouth. Flat out coming out with this wasn't my original intent but my mouth decided to say otherwise and I instantly regret it. My body starts to shake slightly with nerves and I bite my lip as I watch Dazai's expression. His face slowly goes blank, his jaw drops just slightly, and his eyes widen on me; at this point I wish I didn't even exist.

"Ch-Chuuya? What… why?" Dazai practically stutters but his voice is so quiet it's almost hard to hear.

"We umm, we've kind of been seeing each other…" I all but make myself confess and I'm on the verge of panicking. I can't face Dazai anymore so I look anywhere but directly at him until he jumps up to stand, the force of the action makes the coffee table shift and it makes me jump a mile.

"You what? You're _seeing_ him? What, so he ditched me to fuck you now instead?!" Dazai explodes on the last question and I feel my tears start at the harshness of his words. My whole body shakes even worse now and I have never felt so sick in my life.

"It's not like that at all Dazai!" I jump up and yell back but my voice cracks from my sobbing that is now uncontrollable.

"It's not huh?! That's all Chuuya knows is how to fuck people, he doesn't have a thoughtful bone in his body! He would never give the time of day to anyone, he's going to use and manipulate you Atsushi I promise you," Dazai states almost too calmly and I feel like my knees are going to give in.

"That's almost what he said about you…" I trail off quietly and Dazai just stares at me, his gaze shoots daggers and I silently continue crying as I keep my eye contact locked with him.

"I'm sure he did, and I'm sure he seems just so perfect and sweet to you doesn't he? That's the way he is. Do you know how Chuuya and I met? Did he explain that to you yet?" Dazai asks with a dark grin and it makes me feel nervous. I've never seen him like this, this persona is a complete stranger to me and I almost feel scared of what he will do or say next. I shake my head to answer his question since I don't think my voice will work. "I met Chuuya in a strip club when we were 18, he was one of the dancers and he was damn good at it too. He made the most tips easily and he had every customer wrapped around his pretty, little finger. I became his top client, I would buy him for hours at a time and eventually he joined me in what I did. I was never home because I was busy working as an escort or a host, depending what you want to label it. Either way, I made a lot of money doing what I did and Chuuya wanted that too so I introduced him to the lifestyle and boy did he do well. He was so cute and small but so feisty, all of the women and even the men wanted him, so they got him.

"Sometimes we would even work together as a pair, people would pay a lot to just watch us. Not even join in, we just had to put on a show and Chuuya was such a little slut, everyone loved to watch him get wrecked and put on display-"

"Dazai stop! Just shut up!" I almost scream to make him stop talking, I can't take another minute of his vindictive tone and I just need him to stop. My brain feels like it's going to explode and I don't know what I'm feeling but I know I'm overwhelmed, I'm still crying to the point of sobbing and I don't know what to do at this point. Everything he just said seems surreal and I am struggling to believe any of it, I don't want to believe any of it. I would have never imagined either of them working in such a business, but to know that's what Dazai was doing in order to take care of me… I feel like I'm going to faint. Dazai stares at me but something in his expression changes, he softens slightly and his eyes gloss over. He takes a step towards me and I back away instinctively, he looks hurt and it feels like his whole demeanor has shifted to an entirely different person. He's no longer the cold and sadistic man who was stood in front of me just seconds ago but the more caring Dazai that I've come to know, it makes me feel sad.

"Atsushi-kun… I'm so sorry, I didn't meant to hurt you but-"

"Just shut up Dazai! I don't even know what to think anymore… how could you not tell me any of this before? I lived with you for so long and had no idea…"

"I couldn't tell you, it's a secretive business and honestly I didn't want you to know. It was dirty and degrading and you were so young you didn't need to know what was going on," Dazai replies quietly and takes another step towards me, this time I don't move, I can't move. I'm completely paralyzed. "I did what I had to do for money. I was good at it, it paid well, and I had Chuuya. He made it seem better somehow."

"So you kept Chuuya around to feel better about yourself…"

"No! That's not it… we just- we had each other and that was all we had. In that business you need someone to keep you grounded and we did that for each other. We kept each other safe, he had my back and I had his in more ways than one. It was like that for a long time but eventually what we had took a turn for the worst," Dazai says and I see a flash of pain cross his expression at his last words and it makes my heart stutter. I try and reach out a hand to comfort him somehow, despite how torn I currently feel, and this time he's the one to back away, a single tear leaves his eye and I can see the pain in both. "I loved him, I still do, but what I did to him is unforgivable. I don't blame him for hating me, I hate myself too for all the pain I caused him. I wish I could take back what I've done but I can't," he trails off and my heart actually aches for him. His words are genuine and even though I'm still in a dilemma on how I feel about this whole situation I still want to help him.

"Dazai-san-" I start but he puts up a hand to stop me and gives me a small smile.

"I'm sorry about how I handled this situation, you just completely caught me off guard. I'm still in shock honestly but I shouldn't have been so harsh with you, it's not your fault that things are the way they are," Dazai says before he makes his way to me and wraps me up in his arms in a tight hug. I'm still in shock from the dramatic turn his persona has taken, but I return his hug nonetheless. He lets go after a minute and backs up slightly, "I'm sorry I was so mean, sometimes I can't control myself and something just takes over…"

"Don't apologize, I told you that out of nowhere, of course you'd be shocked…"

"Yeah… well I hope you can be happy Atsushi-kun, you of all people deserve it. As for Chuuya, just be careful. I can't say what kind of a person he is now, but I really hope he's changed for the better," Dazai warns and it makes my stomach turn. He gives me one final look before he heads to the door and grabs his keys to leave, I instantly begin to panic and he turns around with a smirk, "don't worry. I'll be back I swear."

After the door shuts behind Dazai I'm left alone and I'm not sure what to do. I'm still stood in the middle of the living room frozen and my brain isn't functioning properly, eventually my body walks towards the bathroom and I decide to take a hot shower. Once I'm under the water I feel like I can breathe again, my whole body relaxes and I can slowly start to process everything that I just learned in such a short time. I'm not sure where to even begin with my thought process, everything feels jumbled and like there's just too much for me to handle. I stand under the hot water until it eventually turns cold and I have to force myself to get out. Making my way to my room I throw on whatever clothes I find and crawl into bed, right now bed is all I can think logically about.

Now that I'm alone with my thoughts I find myself staring at the ceiling and trying to make sense of everything. Dazai and Chuuya worked together as escorts, what does that fully entail? Did they actually sleep with other people? How far would they go? From what Dazai said it sounds like pretty far… I shudder at the realization. I try not to imagine the things that Chuuya has done but I can't stop myself, not only was he an escort but he stripped before that. This makes me feel uneasy and I curl up on my side to try and find some comfort. It's not the job that makes me feel so uncomfortable, it's the fact that so many people have seen such an intimate side of Chuuya, a side that I felt blessed to see. I think I feel bad that he had to do such things so young as a job and it only makes me wonder why he had to. What kind of life did he have before he did these jobs and owned Viñedo's? How did he even end up owning a business? There's so many things I want to ask him but right now I don't think I can face seeing him, not until I wrap my head around how I feel about everything. Right now I'm too flustered and I'm too wide awake to just lay here so I get up.

Heading to the kitchen I decide to make myself tea and while I wait for the water to boil I remember that I haven't checked my phone in a long time. I find what I was wearing before my shower and search for it, eventually finding it in my back jeans pocket. It surprisingly still has a bit of battery life left and when I open it I find 3 messages. Sighing I walk back to the kitchen to make my tea before I brave opening them. Once my tea is steeped I grab my mug, head back to bed, get comfy, and open the text messages. Two are from Dazai from the night before, they're frantic and asking where I am, I feel bad that I never replied or even bothered to check before now. I really should have let Dazai know I was at least safe, that would have been the responsible thing to do. The last text message is from Chuuya and it was from only a little while ago, I freeze entirely when I read his name. I stare at his name for what feels like forever and eventually I tap the message open, almost scared to see what it says though I don't know why. He doesn't know what just went down so why am I so anxious?

" _Atsushi, I hope your night is going okay. I can't stop thinking about you and I miss you already. I just wanted to say that I realized we have been moving really fast and I hope it's not too fast for you. If it is please tell me, you can tell me anything and I don't want to ruin what we have. I'll always be here for you._ "

I find myself rereading Chuuya's text over and over again and it makes me start to cry softly, I'm surprised I even have tears left to cry honestly. I feel like all I do anymore is cry. He said I can tell him anything and that's the line I reread the most, it makes me want to see him immediately so we can talk about everything that's going on but something inside me is making me stop. Now that he mentioned it I realize that we are moving fast, it's only been a few days since we even started talking and I've already done so much with him and have stayed over at his house. Maybe this is why I'm so uneasy, I'm normally scared to let anyone get even remotely close to me but within just days I have let Chuuya see me so intimately, what we have going on between us is completely out of character for me. And now to top that off I have learned so much about his past that it makes me feel like I barely know him, which I don't, and he barely knows me although he did learn a bit about my past too.

After realizing all of this things almost seem a little clearer and I breathe a little easier. I debate texting Chuuya back but I decide to hold off, right now I need space and I am going to give myself that, so I turn my phone off and set it on my bedside table along with my tea and I lay back down in bed for the second time tonight. I try and think of something, anything to distract myself but the only thing I can think of is Chuuya and how I wish he were here to comfort me. As much as I don't want to think of him I'm glad I do because I am happy with him and right now I'll take any bit of happiness I can get.


	12. Chapter 12

_Chuuya_

As I get out of my shower and towel dry my hair I think about the text I sent Atsushi. Sure I've drank half a bottle of wine but I know what I was thinking was right and now he hasn't replied which worries me but also proves my point. We're taking things too fast, how could I do that to him? The poor kid is naïve to so many things and I feel like I've almost abused that, I should have taken better care of this situation and now he hasn't replied to me. I'm already frustrated with myself and life in general when there's a knock on my door and I stop what I'm doing.

"Who the fuck-" I start as I wrap the towel I was using on my hair around my waist and head for the door. "Whatever the hell you want I'm not interested!"

"Ohh come on Chuuya, how could you not be interested?" is what I'm greeted with as I whip my front door open. "Damn Chuuya, you're looking good."

"What the fuck Dazai! How did you even get up here?!"

"I waited at the front doors until someone was leaving and I snuck in, don't worry I'm not here for you," he says with a smirk and it makes my blood boil.

"What the hell do you want then?" I ask as calmly as I can as I gesture for him to enter, which he does with a smug smile and I scoff as I slam the door shut behind him. He makes his way to my dining table where he grabs my half empty bottle of wine and takes a gulp, I instantly lunge to grab it but he holds me off with one hand to my chest and the other holding the bottle as far away from me as possible, now I'm even more pissed than before. "I swear to god I'll snap your arm in half."

"You wouldn't do that," Dazai taunts smiling as he sets the bottle down, leans on the table, and faces me. Now his expression turns to a more serious one and it almost makes me feel slightly concerned. "I'm here because of Atsushi."

"Okay, what about him?" I ask as my heart picks up its pace just at the mention of his name. What did Atsushi tell him? My mind starts overthinking as I wait for Dazai to respond to my question.

"He told me he's been seeing you… I didn't handle that too well," Dazai confesses and my blood that was already boiling heats up even more.

"What do you mean 'didn't handle it well'…" I trail off as my hands clench into fists with anger.

"I wasn't thinking properly and I kind of told him everything about us, well almost. He knows about our past work Chuuya, I ah- kind of made you sound pretty bad too… sorry," he says and I feel myself snap. In an instant I have him slammed onto my table and pinned under one forearm, the force of the hit makes my table crack and when I land on him it snaps in two. We both fall to the ground amongst broken wood and spilt wine but I don't feel a thing since I'm too infuriated, Dazai looks a bit affected though since he reaches a hand up to rub the back of his head. I grab the collar of his shirt and pull tight, making him look at me.

"What the fuck did you do Dazai?! Are you that much of a goddamn idiot?! I swear to god… what did you tell him?"

"What I just said, I told him I met you when you stripped and I got you into the escort business. I said we worked together for a while and I may have mentioned we used to work together as a pair…"

"Jesus Christ Dazai," I say as I move off of him to stand and readjust the towel I had wrapped around my waist. Dazai moves to get up as well though he takes a bit longer as he shakes out his limbs and rubs the back of his head again. I lean against the wall behind me and close my eyes, I try and even out my breathing to try and think more clearly. It doesn't work too well.

"I'm sorry Chuuya, honestly. I shouldn't have said anything about you… I was just so overwhelmed-"

"You were overwhelmed?! Are you fucking kidding me?! Atsushi was so scared to tell you, he's only been thinking of you since this began and that's how you reacted?! I thought you would have had more fucking sense in that thick head of yours when it came to him!" I yell in a bout of rage and slam a fist into the wall behind me at my side.

"I know! And I'm sorry! I handled everything completely wrong, it wasn't my place to sell you out and I feel horrible about it, I would do anything to take everything I said back. Chuuya, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize to me you idiot," I say with venom and all I can think about is how Atsushi is going to hate me, he's going to think so poorly of me now and that thought makes me feel even more outraged. This is all because of Dazai. Right now though I need to calm down and try to focus on the real issue at hand, "is Atsushi okay? Does he even know you came here?"

"He was okay when I left though he was crying a lot beforehand… I left on a decent note but no, I didn't tell him where I was going."

"You made him cry?!" I all but yell and Dazai backs up slightly, probably a good thing he did too because I don't have much strength holding me back anymore. The thought of Atsushi crying instantly makes me defensive, even more so when Dazai is involved.

"I didn't on purpose! He's sensitive and I got a bit too loud and I talked shit about you so he got upset about it! I'm sorry!" Dazai says with hands in the air as if to surrender and it only makes me want to destroy him even more.

"How could you leave him when he's like that?! You just up and left after _you_ made him cry?! He needs to be taken care of you stupid, tacky bastard. You're unbelievable, you're so lucky I haven't smashed your fucking teeth in yet for upsetting him. I promised him I'd never let anyone hurt him again…" I trail off quietly as I remember that promise and I feel like I've been punched in the gut. I let someone hurt him and it wasn't just anyone, it was Dazai and that makes me feel even worse. I feel like I don't even deserve Atsushi anymore, though that's dramatic to think I can't help myself and I try to blame my current intoxication for my obnoxious thoughts.

"Chuuya, he was okay I promise. I would never leave him when he needs help. And honestly, I deserve whatever hit you want to give me," Dazai says with a frown and I see a flash of something cross his eyes, it almost looks like sadness but it's too quick to tell.

"I also promised Atsushi I'd never speak to you again and now that's blown to shit too… so what the hell did you want anyways? Besides coming to tell me you ruined everything that is."

"I just wanted to come here and ask, if you do plan on getting involved with Atsushi, that you take good care of him. I know it's not my place to ask after everything I've done but I care about him too and I won't let anything bad happen to him. I don't know what you're involved in anymore but I'm warning you, don't ever hurt him, he doesn't need any more pain," Dazai responds calmly and I blink a few times as we stare at each other in silence. His concern seems genuine and I'm honestly thankful for it, it shows that he does care and I can at least appreciate that even though everything between us could be nonexistent now because of him.

"I know," I snap and Dazai just stares at me like he's trying to read me, but I can see that caring in his eyes and I let out a sigh. "I know what he's been through, he told me all about his childhood and how he ended up with you. I could never, ever hurt him Dazai I can promise you that," I say quietly and we both stand our ground with our gazes locked. Eventually Dazai smiles and casually strolls towards my front door, I can't return his smile but I'm beyond thankful he's finally leaving.

"Well I'm glad we could have this little chat and I'm glad we can agree on something," Dazai says as he pulls the door open. "I can't give you my blessing for this little romance, but I do hope you make him happy. Oh, and sorry about your table," he says with a grin as he steps out into the hall and it takes everything within me to not knock him flat out onto the ground.

"Yeah, yeah I can just buy a new one. And I'll make him the happiest guy in the world you don't have to worry," I promise as I slam the door on his face and lock every lock on it. I finally let myself breathe as I survey my table's destruction, running a hand through my hair all I can do is sigh as I make my way to my room to put clothes on. As I'm getting dressed I question what time it is, finding a clock it appears to be past 11pm and I need to find my phone. When I find it I'm disappointed to have no messages and I'm still questioning what that could mean. Is Atsushi ignoring me? Is he done with me after finding out everything about my past? Maybe he thinks I'm a horrible, dirty person now. That thought makes my heart twist and I decide to head to the kitchen in search of wine, anything to try and feel better. After tonight it feels like a hole has been punched through my chest and I've never experienced anything like this, are my feelings for him really that strong? How did this happen so quickly? Groaning I make my way to my couch where I collapse, wine in hand, and eventually pass out into an alcohol induced slumber.

It's been one week since I have seen or heard from Atsushi. One long, stressful, lonely week. I never would have thought that anyone could control me so easily but he has managed it. Within this week I have questioned everything; about myself, about us, and all I know is that I need to see him. He never replied to that text message I sent him and I haven't even seen him around the strip of shops we work along. I have debated stopping by his shop to see if he's working but I can't will myself to do it, honestly I'm scared. The thought of losing him, of him being gone and no longer wanting me is what has been on my mind every minute this whole week. It is the scariest thought I have ever had and I don't know if it's good that my feelings are so strong or not. This one week has been the longest I have ever experienced.

It's not until 3 days later that I'm closing my shop for the night when I see him. He's sitting at the tables in front of his coffee shop, staring at his hands, and it's just like the first day I really talked to him. My heart races as the nostalgia kicks in; seeing him sat in the dim street lighting that first night, I barely knew him but he still looked perfect. He was so shy, so sweet, and his blush could be seen down the street in that dim street lighting, even then I knew he was special. And now he's here, not 50 feet away from me, and he looks just like that boy I fell for those few weeks ago. His blush can still be seen down the street and seeing that blush has me moving towards him as fast as I can.

"Atsushi," I breathe as I reach his table and he looks up at me with the biggest smile I have ever seen, my heart instantly clenches and I can't stop myself from smiling in return. Hastily I sit down at the table with him, which I now realize is the same one from that night, and I take his hands in mine. He returns the grasp and I instantly relax, he can't hate me if he's smiling at me like this and returning my touch. "Atsushi, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too Chuuya," he says softly and hearing his voice makes me shiver. My stomach feels like there's butterflies in it, I feel like I'm a teenager with a crush, and I wouldn't trade this feeling for the world. We sit quietly for a moment, Atsushi's eyes shine so brightly and I take every second I can to appreciate the purple and yellow flecks that make up their colour. He has never looked so enticing and it takes everything within me to not pull him to me across the table.

"How have you been?" I ask quietly and he just smiles more which makes my heart melt along with it.

"I've been good, I'm sorry I haven't contacted you-"

"No, you don't have to be sorry it's okay. Please don't apologize," I say cutting him off, the last thing I need is for Atsushi to feel guilty when he has no right to feel that way.

"I just needed space, some time to myself to think about everything. And I have done a lot of thinking," he says shyly and my stomach drops. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing and the uncertainty has me feeling anxious. Atsushi must notice my nerves because he gives my hands a light squeeze before he continues, "when you sent me that text, I read it after everything went down with Dazai. Oh, he told me he went and seen you that night and don't worry I'm not mad… anyways, I read that text after everything and you were right, we were moving too fast. When I realized that it made everything else make sense and I knew I needed to give myself some time to think about everything and to figure out my feelings towards you.

"After Dazai told me about your past and what you two had done I didn't know what to think. I was so shocked but it didn't change the way I felt about you. If anything I just wanted to learn even more about you and to try and understand your past," Atsushi says with a blush and I feel myself blushing too. Every worry I had over the last week had been for nothing and I have never felt so relieved, I instantly feel the tension I've been carrying release from my shoulders.

"I thought you were going to hate me… I was so scared," I confess and Atsushi blinks at me a few times before smiling.

"You were scared? I didn't think anything could scare you," he says softly and I laugh, he's really the cutest.

"Apparently you can, you scared me to death. I thought you were done with me since I didn't hear from you again."

"R-Really? Oh god I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to scare you like that, I'm sorry!" Atsushi stutters and a deep crimson flushes his cheeks. I can't help but laugh again from how flustered he is.

"It's okay, I understand. But you're okay with what I've done in the past? I completely get it if you think I'm-"

"Shhh," Atsushi stops me mid-sentence and I stare at him, he still has the same caring expression and it makes my heart melt even more than it already has. "Chuuya, your past is in the past for a reason and you can't change what you've done. I think no less of you. You did what you had to, I'm just glad that you were never hurt… at least I hope you weren't," he says quietly and I can't stop myself when I pull him up from his chair and onto my lap, instantly tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling his lips onto mine. I kiss him hard, putting every emotion I've felt in the last week into it and Atsushi softly moans against my lips as he kisses me back. He gently places his hands on my chest and I move to wrap my arms around his waist to pull him closer. I kiss him more gently after a moment, I want to feel how soft his lips are and I lick along his bottom lip to remember his taste, I've missed him so much just feeling him like this is enough to send my mind into a frenzy. Atsushi's the one to break the kiss and when he pulls away I just move my lips to his neck and kiss there instead, I just can't get enough of him. "Chuuya stop, we're in public! What if someone walks by?"

"What if they do?" I ask with a grin as I gently bite his throat, making him gasp and he smacks me lightly on the chest. Against my own will I do stop and I gaze up to meet his eyes, they're sparkling so brightly and he looks genuinely concerned that someone is going to see us. I smirk and it makes him blush even more than he already is. "But seriously, thank you Atsushi. It means a lot that you'll accept me for who I am… and you don't have to worry, I was never hurt in the business," I reassure him and he sighs in relief.

"I'm glad, I couldn't imagine someone hurting you that way…" he trails off and I can see the sadness in his eyes at the thought, it makes my stomach clench.

"Please don't think about any of that right now, just be here. In the present. With me," I almost whisper into his neck and I feel the shiver that flows through him at my words. After a minute of silence a thought crosses my mind and I smirk just thinking it, "hey, did you plan this late night rendezvous?"

"I may have," Atsushi replies with a grin and I pull him down to kiss me again, it's quick but I manage to bite his lip before he pulls back. "I have tomorrow off so I thought tonight would be perfect to see you."

"You're quite the romantic my little tiger," I say still smirking. Atsushi runs his hands up my chest to my shoulders where he lightly squeezes, the gesture is so soft and caring and it makes me feel so warm. It's in this moment I realize that this is what I need, just this simple happiness that we're experiencing right now. Simply having him here with me, on my lap and smiling and joking, this is all we need right now and I know my heart wants.

"Atsushi, this will be one of the only times I'm sappy with you so you better appreciate it," I start with a smirk and Atsushi blushes and bites his lip, his eyes are practically screaming with anticipation and it only spurs me on. "This week without you made me think a lot and it made me realize a lot too. I realized how boring my life is without you, how calm you make me feel, and how you can always make me happy, even when my temper is through the roof. We haven't known each other long but I think what we have is something special. You've changed me in this short amount of time into someone who's stronger and has a better mindset and I think with time I'll only get better for you," practically stammering I manage to get this all out and Atsushi is just staring at me wide eyed. He doesn't speak but he runs his hands up my neck softly then back down like he's encouraging me to continue, and I do.

"So, what I'm getting at here is that I want you in my life and I want to do this right this time. We'll go as slow as you want and I'll do anything to make this work between us. Please be mine, officially. I want to be able to call you mine and take you out on dates and we'll do anything you ever wanted," I finish with a gasp for air and I glance up to Atsushi's eyes. They're shining like he's going to cry and he's biting the inside of his lip, it takes him a few seconds to respond and in those seconds I don't breathe, I'm too anxious.

"You- you want me to be yours? Like… a couple, like a… b-boyfriend want me?" he stutters and it's the cutest thing I have ever seen. I lean up to kiss his cheek and I squeeze his waist when I do.

"Yes, exactly like that. I want you to be my boyfriend," I say flat out and Atsushi instantly slings his arm around my neck and pulls me tight, completely collapsing into me but the force almost knocks me back. I return the gesture and pull him as close to me as I can, gripping his back and holding him as tight as possible, it feels incredible to have him pressed so tightly to me. We stay like this for what feels like forever and I don't want this moment to ever end but Atsushi eventually pulls away. There's tears streaming down his face and I reach up with one hand to softly wipe them away, but amongst these tears he's all smiles and I know I'm beaming too.

"Yes, definitely yes. O-of course," he says quietly before pecking me tenderly on the lips. My heart instantly feels like it's on fire and like this isn't reality, this is too good to be reality but I know it is and I feel like I've hit the jackpot. There's so many things I want to say but I can't form words, my mind is racing and I've never felt so happy in my life. This is everything I've ever wanted and it's only the beginning.

"You've just made me the happiest man alive," is all I can say. I grab Atsushi's hands from around my neck and hold them up, gesturing for him to stand which he does and I follow suit. Running my hands up around his neck I pull him down for another kiss and he grips my waist as he returns it. He kisses me so gently I can barely feel it but it's still electric, sending shocks through my whole body and I can't stop the shiver it elicits throughout me. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"Well, I did bring a change of clothes with me to work today…" Atsushi trails off and I raise my eyebrows at him in shock, he returns my expression with a flushed grin.

"Ohh, so you were planning on staying at my place this whole time huh?" I ask with a smirk as I teasingly pull the back of his hair which makes him bite his lip.

"If tonight went well enough yeah. I miss your place and honestly I really need a break from Dazai," he says with a sigh.

"God I could just imagine… but please promise me this is for sure what you want. I'm not rushing this again and I would never be offended if you didn't want to come over-"

"Chuuya just shh, yes this is what I want. I asked for it, but I'm staying in the guest room," Atsushi declares and I just smile, all I can think about is how thankful I am that he's back in my life, and not just that but he's mine, officially. He can stay wherever he wants as long as he's with me.

"Anything for you," I say, returning his smile and giving him a quick kiss before I pull away. I grab his hand and we walk down the street and around the buildings until we get to my car. The whole walk there my heart is racing and my mind is screaming. Atsushi is mine now, we're official. I can officially call him my boyfriend and it's the most satisfying feeling I've ever felt. This is when I realize he's the first boyfriend I've ever had, he's my first official relationship, and I'm so thankful that he's not looking at me because I know I'm blushing harder than I ever have.


	13. Chapter 13

_Atsushi_

When we finally make it to Chuuya's apartment I am hit with so many emotions as he lets me in first, seeing the same familiar furniture and smelling the remnants of a fire instantly makes me feel at home, the strongest emotion I feel is happiness. I turn around to face Chuuya who looks as happy as I feel, if his gleaming smile is anything to go by, and I have the overwhelming urge to just hold him so I do. I grab him and pull him into a tight hug and I feel the stress and tension I've felt over the last week and a bit start to seep away. He wraps his arms around my neck and returns my grasp with just as much passion and I can feel his warmth against my chest, it's so comforting.

"Welcome back Atsushi," Chuuya whispers against my ear before lightly biting it and I gasp, _'welcome back'_ , I instantly feel a flourish of heat flow through my body and it's the most welcoming sensation. I feel so happy I could burst.

"You have no idea how good it feels to be back," I say as I set Chuuya flat on his feet and back up slightly, he loosens his grip on my neck and instead threads his fingers into the hair at my neck. The expression on Chuuya's face when he looks up at me is breath taking, his blue eyes are shining brighter than I've ever seen before and his skin is practically glowing, he looks incredible and then I remember he's mine. All mine, and I feel my heart flutter at the thought. Before I even realize what I'm doing I'm bending down to kiss him and he softly moans against my lips, his grip tightening in my hair. I pull him closer by the small of his back and kiss him softly once more before I move my mouth to his neck where I bite along his pulse, he gasps and it turns to a moan as he pulls me closer by my hair. Taking that as a sign that he likes this I bite just a little bit lower than the first and kiss the area before running my tongue up along the same spot. I feel him squirm under my grasp and he moans low as he tilts his head to the side, giving me more skin to mark, which I do. Though I don't bite this time, I run my lips further up his neck and suck the skin hard, hard enough I hope to leave a mark. Chuuya is mine now and I'd love to leave something for him to remember that by.

"Ungh- Atsushi, stop it, we're supposed to be taking things slow remember?" Chuuya says softly as he pulls my hair to make me straighten up and when I do I see that I did leave marks on his neck, I smile with pride.

"I know… it's just been a really long week," I admit with a blush and Chuuya just smirks before lightly smacking my chest. The action is so cute and non-threatening it makes me smile.

"We have all the time in the world my little tiger," Chuuya says as he maneuvers his way out of my grip and heads down the hallway, I follow him, and we enter his bedroom where I jump on the end of his bed. "Should I wear that sweater you like so much?"

"You'd be the best boyfriend ever if you did," I say with a blush that I know is showing and Chuuya laughs.

"Am I not the best boyfriend already? I confessed myself to you outside of a coffee shop in the street lights at night, that's pretty romantic and charming I'd say," he says with a wink and I know I'm now bright red. My heart starts racing at the recent memory and I bite my lip as excitement fills me, I feel far too happy.

"Yeah… you're right. Chuuya you're amazing," I confess before I can stop myself and he stops to look at me, he has a slight blush and his smirk has been replaced with a small smile.

"You're more amazing," he says as he starts changing and I just watch, mesmerized, as he does. He doesn't do anything to put on any type of a show but he looks so perfect with every movement he does that I can't stop myself from staring. He's wearing that white sweater he wore the first night I was here and a pair of short shorts again, my thoughts start racing against my own will at the sight. Once he pulls the sweater down and is satisfied he turns to me with a smirk, "You're turn," he says and I freeze.

"M-me? My turn for what?"

"To get comfy, you're still in your work uniform. Though it is really cute, I do like the barista look," he winks at me and I feel like I'm going to pass out, then he walks over to where I'm sitting on his bed and stands between my legs, placing his hands on my thighs, "I'm going to get ready for bed, as much as I want to watch you strip down I'll be a good boy."

"Uh huh, sure you will," I say as I lean in to kiss him, he slides his hands up my legs, my hips, and to my waist where he grips me tight, and he kisses me back. His lips linger for a moment before his teeth bite my bottom lip, making me open my mouth with a gasp which he gladly steals with his tongue, he runs his tongue gently along mine and the sensation is instantly felt in my gut. I moan into his mouth and way too early his mouth is leaving mine with another bite to my lip, I sigh in disappointment.

"God I missed you," Chuuya says softly against my lips before pulling away and his hands leave my waist along the same path they followed earlier. He gives my knees a squeeze before he heads to his en suite and closes the door with a smile. I'm left a blushing mess and I have to make myself get up and leave his room. I make my way to the front door to grab my bag and I realize the dining table he once had is gone, how did I not notice? I guess I was a bit distracted… I need to ask Chuuya about this. But right now I head to the guest room then bathroom to get myself ready for bed.

Once I deem myself presentable I go and look for Chuuya, I find him sat on the ground in front of a fire wrapped in a blanket, and he smiles at me when I walk in. I join him on the ground and lay down on my side, propping myself up on one arm and he slams a deck of cards on the ground between us. I look at them for a minute then up at Chuuya and he's grinning.

"Let's play poker, loser does anything the winner wants, no questions asked," he challenges and I just stare at him. I'm not great at poker, I've played it with Dazai a few times but I think I know enough to maybe win.

"Challenge accepted, I like a good competition," I grin back and Chuuya grabs the cards to begin shuffling them, expertly may I add, before he deals them out.

"I do too, this should be fun," he says with a wink and I bite my lip. "Best of 5?"

"Sounds good," I confirm before I glance at my cards, of course I was dealt nothing but I decide to check, Chuuya does as well then plays the first 3 cards. I really have nothing, this is bad and I know I don't have a good poker face so I try and hide that with conversation. "By the way, what happened to your table?"

"I broke it with Dazai's back," Chuuya says nonchalantly and I almost choke. "I'm calling."

"You what?!" I ask, completely distracted by what he just said.

"When he came here that night… he really pissed me off when he told me what happened between you two. I kind of slammed him onto my table and it broke in half. Are you calling?"

"Yes I call," I reply without realizing what I just did, I should have folded. Crap. Chuuya plays another card, I know I've lost this hand for sure. "You got into a fight with Dazai?!"

"Yeah, we seem to fight a lot lately. The idiot was asking for it though I couldn't stop myself, I call again."

"Call. Chuuya, were you okay? Dazai didn't say anything about getting into a fight…" I trail off and I feel so bad that I didn't know this happened. I should have been here to take care of him but I had no idea anything even happened. Of course Dazai didn't tell me this detail. Chuuya plays the last card and the two in my hand match none of them, I internally sigh as I accept the loss.

"I was fine, am fine. He didn't get any hits in, he knows better," he says smirking and slaps the cards in his hand onto the floor to reveal two pairs. He clearly wins. I groan as I place my cards down and reveal absolutely nothing, Chuuya fist pumps and I stick my tongue out at him.

"Lucky first hand," I say as Chuuya gathers the cards and re-deals. "I can't believe Dazai didn't tell me that…"

"Of course he didn't, why would he admit that he got his ass beat?" Chuuya more states than asks as he checks his cards and I realize his point. Obviously Dazai isn't going to admit he was beaten up, especially by his ex… especially by his ex who is dating his best friend. I sigh.

"Yeah I see your point," I conclude as I check my cards. Okay, this looks a bit better. "I call."

"I call too," he says as he places the three flop cards down and I internally jump for joy, I could potentially have a flush. "What's your favourite season?" Chuuya asks out of nowhere and it pulls me out of my internal celebration which is probably a good thing. He doesn't need to know what I potentially have.

"Umm, spring. I call again."

"Why spring? And me too," he asks as he places another card down. It adds to my flush possibility and I'm internally beaming.

"Because everything is new again, plants and trees start growing, and everything just feels so fresh and clean. Like winter is being washed away and that makes me feel happy," I admit and it makes me remember what spring was like as a kid. When things were never happy and spring was one of the only things I ever looked forward too, it gave me hope in a sense. I tell Chuuya all of this too and he smiles at me.

"I'm glad you had something to give you a little bit of happiness, spring always made me feel that way too," he says blushing and I wonder again what kind of a life Chuuya had before. I don't get to ponder it too long though before he's asking, "Do you call or fold?"

"Oh call," he calls as well and then places the final card. It takes every ounce of strength to keep my face straight as I am dealt the last card I need for a flush. Chuuya looks at me skeptically and arches a brow before I place my cards face up on the ground. He scoffs when he sees what I was dealt. "Well?" I ask with a smile and he places his cards down too, showing only a single pair. "Ha, I win!"

"Tch- yeah yeah. It was only one hand," Chuuya scoffs again then hands me the deck. I sit up so I can collect the cards, shuffle, and deal. The next couple of hands alternate between wins which leaves us tied, leaving this next deal as the one to determine who wins the bet. Were both sat cross-legged on the floor and you can feel the competitive tension in the air. I hand the deck to Chuuya since it's his deal and I feel myself getting excited, as much as I want to win I admit that I wouldn't mind losing this bet. The wager is something I'm pretty curious about. "This is it my little tiger, hope you're ready to obey me," Chuuya says smirking as he deals the cards and I feel my face heat up.

"You wish, and why do you always call me little? I'm not little, I'm even taller than you" I say with a pout and Chuuya laughs as he checks his cards. I check mine too and it looks like I have a decent shot at winning this, "I call."

"So? You're younger and you're just so cute and small. I can't help but call you my little tiger, though you're _not_ little where it counts," he says with a wink and I actually choke on air, "Oh I call too," he says plainly after that as he deals out the first three cards. I have a pair I realize after I can breathe again.

"Chuuya! Sh-shut up!" I say through a gasp as I'm still trying to regain my composure and Chuuya laughs.

"What? You should be flattered, you're quite impressive," he says grinning and I cover my face with my cards in embarrassment.

"Oh my god, did you _really_ have to say that?" I ask as I peek out from behind my cards, Chuuya is staring at me with a mischievous grin and I feel like I'm going to die. "I call."

"Of course I did, you deserve to be complimented in every way, especially in that way. I have an _am-a-zing_ boyfriend," he says with enthusiasm as he places another card down to join the other three. It doesn't help my hand much but I'm not losing either, this could go either way at this point. I watch Chuuya and his expression in unreadable, he's good at this game.

"Well thank you," I reply quietly with a bite to my lip as I anxiously accept the compliment. Now Chuuya's eyes meet mine and his expression goes soft, he smiles as he leans across the gap between us to kiss me and I instantly relax, I didn't realize that I was so tense to begin with. His lips linger on mine for a few seconds before pulling away and he moves to sit back in his previous position. I stare at Chuuya slightly dazed from his kiss before I realize were still playing a game and my head clicks back into place, stuttering I manage to say that I'm calling and Chuuya claims he is as well.

"Last card, this is it," he says as he places the final card on the ground. I feel my stomach flutter at the sight, I have two pairs, I could very well win this bet. Biting my lip to keep myself from smiling I glimpse up at Chuuya who is already watching me and he gives me a smirk, "Well? What do you have?"

"Two pair," I say as I smack my cards on the ground face up, Chuuya looks at them and then back up to me, his expression still unreadable. He stares at me for a moment and I start to feel anxious but he eventually moves to show his cards and my heart races.

"I guess I'm yours to do with as you please," he says smoothly as his cards reveal two pairs as well, but mine are higher. I raise both fists in the air with a celebratory 'yes!' and Chuuya crosses his arms with a huff in defeat. I laugh and his serious demeanor doesn't last long before he cracks a smile too, though his posture is still stiff. Not caring about the cards on the ground between us I lunge myself at him and we fall to the ground behind him, he wraps his arms around my waist, covering the both of us in the blanket he had draped around him. I nuzzle my face into his neck and he smells so good. "So, what do you want from me hmm?"

"I-I haven't thought about it yet," I stutter, it's not entirely a lie but it's not the full truth either. The whole time we were playing I thought of different things I could ask for but now that I've actually won I'm hesitant to say any of them. Chuuya runs his fingers up and down my back along my skin and I shiver, it doesn't help the thoughts I've been having, and I feel my body heat up slightly. After a minute he flips me over to swap our positions and his eyes meet mine.

"Really? This whole time, nothing crossed your mind? Did you think you were going to lose?" he asks as he brushes some stray strands of my hair off my face, his touch is so soft it makes me blush.

"I- no. I thought of a few th-things…" I trail off and Chuuya kisses my cheek, making me feel even more flustered.

"Atsushi, please tell me. I said loser does anything no questions asked, and I'll do anything to make you happy," his words are spoken softly against my neck and I let out a shaky breath. I don't know why I'm so nervous, he's never judged me in the past and I know he would never, especially now, but I am. I think about different things for a few minutes before I try and make myself speak. Chuuya starts to place open mouthed kisses on my pulse and it makes my heart begin to flutter, he moves so slowly and his kisses feel so light, in a way it's almost soothing.

"I ah- umm, want to… try different th-things," I stutter from both nerves and from Chuuya's mouth on my throat. He kisses me a couple more times before pulling away to meet me at eye level, his eyes are wide and his lips are red from his previous actions, he looks delectable and it's making this conversation even more difficult.

"Things? What kind of things?" he asks confidently before placing a kiss to the tip of my nose, it makes me giggle and he gives me a warm smile.

"Umm… I-I'm not ready to go all the way yet… but I want to try other things," I stutter again and I wish I was better with my words but I've never had to discuss anything like this. And it's even harder to do when the whole situation is focused on me, I internally groan. Chuuya continues to look at me with a curious gaze but he gives me a smile that makes me melt and I relax a tiny bit.

"Other things? Hmm, we could do that," he says as he leans down to kiss me and I gladly welcome his mouth on mine, anything to not have to stutter over my words anymore. I run my hands up into his hair and lightly grip his ginger locks, his hair is so soft and that only adds to his appeal even more, I pull it slightly. Chuuya moans into my mouth as he lays his body flat onto mine and places his forearms on either side of my head, I'm trapped under him and the restriction feels so good. He kisses me deeper, his tongue making its way into my mouth and he runs it along the roof, the action instantly makes me moan. "Do you wanna do this here or bed?" Chuuya whispers into my mouth and I grip a little tighter on his hair in response, I don't want him moving off of me, he gets the idea and kisses me again before he shifts his position so that he's straddling my waist with his chest still tightly pressed against mine. "And you're sure this is what you want? I don't want to rush this…"

"Y-yes, definitely, this is what I want," I say with a peck to his lips and he sits up on my lap. He pulls me up to sit too and his hands trail down from my shoulders and along my chest until he reaches the hem of my shirt where he tugs it up and off my body. His hands come back to my chest once the material's off and he moves in to kiss at my neck, barely biting at my skin but sucking softly as he goes. He does this a few times before moving to stand up and I whine without shame in disappointment. Making his way to the couch he grabs a few pillows before coming back.

"Here, lift the blanket up," Chuuya commands and I do so, he places the pillows underneath then takes his place back on my lap and pushes me to lay down. It is a lot more comfortable now I will admit. "Better?" he asks with a grin and I nod in confirmation. "You know, I'm willing to grant more than one wish with this bet. If there's anything else you want just ask for it," he says as he places a chaste kiss on my lips then they're back to my neck where they continue to nibble at my skin. It makes me shiver and I move my arms up to wrap around his back, when I pull him closer the fabric of his sweater is incredibly soft on my skin, he feels even warmer against me in it and I need more of him.

"Mmm Ch-Chuuya," I begin and he starts to trail his lips down, he bites at my collar bone and sucks like he did on my neck, it burns but feels so good. My hands slide up into his hair for something to grab onto. As his lips move further down I feel myself begin to grow harder and my body heat up, the fire right beside us definitely isn't helping. When his mouth reaches one of my nipples I feel like I'm going to faint, he bites softly then licks before sucking like he did with my neck, I moan loud as I grip his hair tighter. He continues sucking and biting at one nipple as his hands trail up my sides, his fingers barely touching my skin and my entire body shivers, back arching slightly off the ground. "Ch-Chuuya, mmm," I practically groan as he bites harder and I feel my chest begin to rumble as my purring kicks in. Chuuya looks up at me from beneath his lashes and smirks.

"Oh how I have missed my tiger," he says as he moves his mouth to my other nipple, biting particularly hard and making me wail, one hand comes up to play with the other and I feel myself begin to fall apart under his touch. He licks and bites there for only a moment then his mouth is travelling down my stomach, his fingers following along down my sides and when he reaches my hips he grips them firmly, he bites the waistband of the sweats I'm wearing and lets it go with a snap. At this point I'm practically trembling and my pants are making me ache with tension, Chuuya stares at me with dark eyes and his seductive expression turns me on even more. He sits up between my legs and grabs the waistband of my sweats then pulls them off slowly, tossing them to the side and he gives me a wide eyed look, "You wore nothing underneath? Atsushi, you're filthy," Chuuya says with mock surprise and I feel my cheeks heat up with a blush.

"Sh-shut up," I reply quietly and I wrap my tail up and around his back underneath his sweater to tease him back, he shivers at the contact and his eyes flutter shut, I smirk. After a moment his eyes are back on mine and he slowly moves to strip himself of the sweater, leaving him in just shorts that are even tighter now due to his bulge, and he looks so erotic I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning. He shuffles back between my legs then his hands caress my thighs, lightly pushing them further apart, then he leans down and with no hesitation licks right up along my shaft. I groan hard as I throw my head back into the pillows and I'm extremely thankful that Chuuya thought to grab them. He wastes no time with his actions, he licks my tip with short, quick laps and a hand firmly grasps me, I run my tail along his spine and he moans. The vibration of his mouth on my already sensitive head makes me keen, back arching off the floor. His mouth then engulfs me with one motion and I almost cum from the shock of it, it takes everything within me to stop myself. I grip the blanket at my sides to try and ground myself though it doesn't work well, not with Chuuya's mouth expertly sliding along me again and again.

"'Sushi, under the end couch cushion there's lube. Grab it," he says then his mouth is back on me with his hand gripping what it can't reach, I groan at the return of contact and I try to make my body function enough to fulfill his request. Reaching up I feel around under the cushion and just like he promised I find a small bottle, I toss it down by where Chuuya is.

"W-why, do you- mmm, why is that there?" I manage between moans, Chuuya's mouth slips off of me with a pop and he gives me a smirk.

"You never know when you'll need it," he answers with a wink and I gently swat his shoulder with my tail. "Hey, you'll be thankful I'm so prepared," he says with a soft laugh and it makes me blush. His mouth moves down to one of my thighs where he trails a few open mouth kisses before he makes his way up my body. He licks along my bottom lip and bites it before pulling away and his gaze sends a shock throughout me. "If I do anything you don't like please tell me," he says against my lips as he trails his fingers up my cock, I inhale hard and nod frantically. He returns my nod then sits back, "Roll over, it'll be easier," he asks so I do just that.

I lay on my stomach and Chuuya spreads my legs enough for him to sit between them, his hands gently grip my hips and he lightly pulls up so they're slightly raised off the ground, this position makes me feel really vulnerable but I trust Chuuya enough to know his intentions are only for the best. He leans forward and kisses my lower back, his hands trail up my thighs to my ass where he squeezes and I groan, fisting the blankets around me. His lips move down and he bites one of my cheeks and it makes me gasp in shock, I turn to look down at him and he's smirking as one of his hands grasps the base of my tail and lightly strokes it, the action sends and odd shock through my body and I can't help but moan.

"This might feel kind of odd, but it'll help loosen you up and you'll like it, I promise," Chuuya says as he moves the hand that was on my tail back to my ass. He uses both hands to slightly pull me apart and I feel my heart start to race in both anticipation and slight panic.

"Chuuya, w-what are you-" I start but my sentence is cut off as I feel his tongue slide along my hole, it's the strangest thing I've ever felt but the sensation shoots through me and makes me whine loud. He licks a few more times before his mouth encloses around me and he prods with his tongue, my grip on the blanket tightens and I bite my fist as the sensations take over. He continues to lap at me and his tongue slightly pushes inside of me, I feel myself tense and I try to make myself relax. I know this whole thing will go smoother if I just relax, eventually I do after making myself breathe and I feel my body soften, Chuuya's tongue starts to move a lot easier and the sensations I feel just keep getting stronger. After another minute of this I feel my whole body heat up and my stomach starts to tighten and I know I'm not going to last much longer if Chuuya keeps going. "S-stop I'm…Chuuya please," I beg and he stops, his mouth instead moves to bite one of my cheeks again and it sends another shock through me.

"You're doing so good Atsushi," Chuuya praises me and I feel my cheeks heat up with a blush, his words hit me in the gut and I feel my dick twitch, I think I like being praised I realize and I groan. He kisses my lower back again then trails his lips up along my spine to the back of my neck where he lightly bites, I slightly arch my back and it makes my hips snap up into his clothed erection, causing him to moan. "Mmm god, you're incredible," he breathes against my neck and his hot breath has me panting. He sits back again and shuffles around for a moment, then I hear a pop, I turn around to see he has the bottle of lube and has applied a little bit to his fingers. Snapping the bottle shut he tosses it then leans over my back again and kisses along my shoulders, his lips are soft and his kisses are so caring. "I need you to relax okay? This won't hurt I promise," Chuuya says soothingly and I can only nod as I try and do as he says. I feel his fingers graze my hole and I instantly feel my body tighten up at how strange it feels. He gently rubs the area and continues to kiss along my back, I try and relax like he asked but it's proving to be more difficult than it sounded.

After a few moments I feel my body relax a bit and Chuuya must feel that too because he slowly begins to insert one finger. It doesn't hurt, just like he said, but it feels really weird and I moan out of both pleasure and awkwardness. He slides it in all the way then slowly pulls back out, he does this a few times and each time it does start to feel better, the tightening in my stomach starts to come back and I'm moaning softly with every movement.

"How is it?" Chuuya asks quietly as he kisses down my back and keeps up his actions with his hand.

"G-good, I like it," I manage to respond with a shaky voice.

"Think you can handle another?" I don't try to form words to answer his question so I nod with a slight hum and that seems to be enough of an answer. He moves back then lays down on his stomach behind me and pulls out the finger that was in me, I don't have time to complain because he quickly replaces one with two and repeats his actions from earlier, slowly sliding them both in then out and creating a smooth rhythm. This surprisingly feels even better than the first time and I'm not uncomfortable at all, both my moans and purrs both pick up and the familiar feeling in my stomach comes back. He continues to pump his fingers and then I feel his hand reach around one of my hips and he starts to stroke my cock, I instantly buck my hips back at the sensation and groan. My whole body is now aching and I'm definitely not going to last.

"Chuuya, oh my, I-" I moan and Chuuya starts to move his hands faster, his mouth licking up my thighs and biting as he goes and I'm completely overwhelmed. The pressure in my gut increases and my body begins to tense then I'm cumming so hard I can't even speak, my whole body shakes and I grip the blankets as hard as I can. My orgasm is completely different than anything I've ever experienced though, I'm feeling things in entirely different areas and it sends shocks of pleasure to areas I didn't even know could feel such things. I cum for what feels like forever, completely coating my stomach and Chuuya's hand. Chuuya's fingers slowly move inside me as I come down, he runs his other hand soothingly up my back until I stop shaking and am somewhat coherent. He eventually removes his fingers from me and when he does I collapse onto my stomach, totally exhausted, so exhausted that I don't care how dirty I am. Chuuya moves from between my legs and grabs the side of the blanket and covers me up, then moves to lay beside me and covers himself up with the other half. He watches me with what looks like concern and I give him a smile, he smiles back and visibly relaxes as he wraps an arm around my back.

"Are you okay?" he asks and I give him a tired nod, he gently brushes the hair off my face and I notice I'm still purring. Chuuya reaches up to scratch one of my ears and I feel like I'm going to melt, closing my eyes I completely relax into his touch. "I'd kiss you but ah-" Chuuya starts and I open my eyes to look at him, this time he's the one blushing. I roll over onto my side to face him and pull his body into me then kiss him softly, not caring where his mouth was, if he was willing to do _that_ then the least I can do is kiss him for it. "How was it?"

"It was incredible. Odd, but I liked it. Thank you," I say quietly and Chuuya smirks at me as he continues to play with my hair and ears, it's so soothing.

"You definitely don't have to thank me, I'm just glad you liked it. I did too," he replies with a kiss to my lips then he curls up into my chest and wraps an arm around my waist, I pull him close and breathe in his scent, his hair smells so good.

"I want to thank you though, you take such good care of me. I feel lucky that I get all of my firsts with you…" I admit and Chuuya squeezes me tight then kisses my chest softly.

"You deserve to be treated right and I'm glad I'm the one who gets to ensure that. I just hope I can make everything we do special for you," he says quietly and he almost sounds unsure of himself, I wrap my tail around him to try and offer some comfort and he lets out a soft laugh. "That tickles… but it's nice… I ah, I know you wanted this, what we just did… but I just want to make sure we aren't taking things too fast again…" I contemplate what he's saying for a moment and I smile as I think about us, how we're official now, and how right that feels.

"No, I-I think we're okay. Things feel different between us now, we know more about each other and I think the time apart made us realize how we feel. We're good… at least I think so," I say quietly and Chuuya hums against my chest in agreement, I'm both thankful and relieved that he feels the same way. We lay quietly in each other's embrace for a long time, the fire crackling beside us and our steady breathing being the only sounds to be heard. After a bit though, I remember what Chuuya said earlier.

"You know how you said you'd do more than one thing for me since I won?"

"Yes…" Chuuya says as he backs away from me a bit, he looks up at me with a questioning smirk and it's adorable.

"Can you make me food? I'm starving," I say and Chuuya just laughs as he moves to stand up, he extends a hand to me and I sluggishly take it then I let myself be pulled up with him. He grabs my clothes for me and I attempt to put them on without falling over though I almost fail, Chuuya puts his sweater back on and it makes me smile, I really love that sweater. Once I'm standing I realize my whole body aches, especially _down there_ , and I'm a lot more exhausted than I thought I was. Chuuya seems to notice and grabs my hand to lead me to the kitchen island where he sits me down, I instantly lean onto the counter with a yawn.

"Are you sure you don't just want to go to bed?" he asks as he runs a hand through my hair and I shake my head.

"No, I really need food. A-and… can we talk about your past? I've been thinking about it a lot and… I'm curious," I ask hesitantly and Chuuya watches me, his expression slightly hardens but he slowly gives me a nod.

"Yeah sure, you deserve to know. First, I'll make you anything you want, we're gonna need comfort food if the topic of discussion is my life."


	14. Chapter 14

"So, where do you want me to begin?" Chuuya asks with a smirk that I know he's using to hide his nerves. I feel bad for making him feel so anxious but I'm just curious about his past and he knows to only tell me what he's comfortable with. I think about his question for a minute and grab his hand before I respond.

"How about your childhood, what was it like?" I ask simply and he looks away from me and out towards the city. After we took our time eating and just chatting casually, Chuuya suggested we go up to the top floor of his building. There's a huge garden that the residents help to maintain with seating all around, it's also a warm night, so I'm glad he had suggested it. It's also really soothing and it makes me wonder if Chuuya comes here alone. His grip on my hand tightens slightly and he moves a little bit closer to me.

"I lived with just my mom for most of it whose name was Ammy, she was always such a good person and I always looked up to her, especially since I never really had a dad. The dad I had was a piece of shit and left when I was 5, I don't even remember his name. Mom and I were alone for a while, we got a small apartment and we somehow managed to scrape by for a few years. Mom had never really worked because she had my dad so the job she managed to get was pretty low-paying. After a few years she met another guy and he moved in quick. He was okay for a while, I tolerated him, but mom seemed happy so that made me somewhat happy.

"A few years after then, mom started to not be as happy as she once was. She started losing weight and something just wasn't right. The guy she was with couldn't be bothered to take care of her or even help to figure out what was wrong so he bailed when I was around 14. At this time, mom was still able to work and I was still in school for the time being but her health kept getting worse and we still didn't know what was wrong, she also didn't want to admit anything was wrong. She had me to take care of and I know she wanted to support me no matter what.

"By the time I was 16, mom was debilitated and I had to drop out of school, get a job, and try to support the both of us. We finally found a doctor who wasn't a complete idiot and was able to diagnose her. She had a disease that slowly ate away at her brain, it started with her mood, she was never happy by that point and she would change from one mood to the next in an instant. Then she started to not understand things properly or be able to complete daily tasks. There were days where I'd have to help her walk just from bed to the couch and when I had to work all I could do was worry about her. I was barely making enough money for the both of us and I was exhausted, that was when I met the owner of the club I started working in," it was at this point Chuuya's voice trails off and he becomes quiet. I chance a glance at his face and his eyes are shining like they were filling with tears and it instantly made my heart break.

"Chuuya, I'm sorry… you don't have to talk about it," I say quietly to try and comfort him and his eyes meet mine. He has a soft blush on his cheeks and he slowly shakes his head before he looks away again.

"No, it's okay. I just haven't thought about any of this for a long time…" he takes a deep inhale and grips my hand just a little bit tighter. "He came into the shop I was working at and stared at me, like I was something he could buy. He didn't even bother to ask how old I was, he just said I could make a lot of money if I worked for him and I needed money bad so I barely thought twice about what the job could be. I said I'd work for him and he gave me an address to meet him at and I started that night at 10pm, which seemed weird but I went with it.

"So, I showed up at the address and it was a strip club. I definitely thought about not going in but I needed to take care of mom, that was my number one priority so I did what I had to. I walked in and saw the owner standing by the bar, he grabbed me by the shoulders and guided me to the back room and told me I would be on stage in 20 minutes. I remember panicking, I obviously had never done anything like this in my life and what the hell was I even supposed to do? But, I went on stage and tried my best and apparently I did well because I made more in tips that night than I made working a whole day at my other job. People apparently liked the younger acts, they would tell me how cute I was and would always say I was the prettiest one there… which was really weird to me but if I played it up I made more money so that's what I did.

"I worked there full time within a week and I actually kind of liked it. It was great because I could take care of mom during the day then work at night while she slept. I would bring home fist-fulls of cash every night and it felt awesome making that much money at a young age. After a while my boss told me I was the club favourite and he wanted to start letting people buy me. I didn't fully think about what this meant, I just knew it meant more money which meant better care for mom so I agreed. I was sold to high paying customers for certain amounts of time, it started off with just simple… tasks, but my boss started letting people do more and more to me for a price. I wanted to quit but I obviously couldn't and I wanted to tell these people to just fuck off but how could I do that? I would have been fired. So I went along with it and let these disgusting people do as they pleased because at the end of the day I just needed to get paid. This was just a job to me," Chuuya finishes his statement and let's go of my hand, reaches into his jacket, and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He places one to his mouth and lights it, his eyes shut as he inhales then open on his exhale. I don't like smoking and I hate to admit that he looks really attractive right now, I bite my lip to keep from blushing. He eventually looks over to me and gives me a soft smile. "Ah, I smoke sometimes… I'm sorry I haven't told you."

"No! No it's okay, I understand," I stammer anxiously and he stares at me before taking another drag. "But please try and quit, it's a bad habit."

"I will try for you," he says with a smirk and he grabs my hand with his free one then brings it to his mouth and places a soft kiss there. I feel myself blush despite my best efforts and Chuuya just smiles before he lowers our linked hands onto his lap, his thumb softly brushes along my skin and it's calming, though I feel like I should be the one taking care of him at the moment. "So, anyways. I worked at the club for just over 2 years, I was 18 and I hated my job. It felt routine, I felt horrible about myself, I hated the way I was being treated, and I hated my life. That was when I met Dazai.

"I remember I was coming out from the back and he was standing by the curtain, he gave me a once over, I had barely anything on, and I wanted to punch him out right then and there. He said something along the lines of, 'you're almost prettier than a girl,' and I told him to fuck off but he grabbed my wrist and said he would pay more for me than anyone in the club if he could just have an hour with me. I absolutely hated myself for saying yes to this prick but I was such a desperate fool for money so I let him buy me. He was a lot nicer to me than other people which I had to admit was nice and he eventually became my only customer. My boss hated it, that I wasn't being used to entertain others, but I didn't give a fuck because Dazai was paying me more than they ever could and I wasn't being used by disgusting men anymore. Once my boss had threatened to fire me, Dazai made me the offer of joining the escort business with him and I instantly accepted it. I quit my stripping job the next day," Chuuya finishes his sentence with a final drag off his cigarette before standing up to toss it off the edge of the building. He leans against the railing and I get up to join him. The city is so quiet from up here and everything looks so small, there's a slight breeze and when I glance over at Chuuya it blows perfectly through his hair, he looks so gorgeous and soft. Just the sight of him makes my heart hurt but in the best possible way.

"You're amazing you know," I say quietly and Chuuya looks up at me with an expression that's almost shocked. He blinks at me a few times and I can see the shine in his eyes again that I had seen earlier.

"I tell you I join the escort business with shitty Dazai and you tell me I'm amazing?" he scoffs more than asks and I simply nod.

"I'm happy you're being so open with me, it means a lot that you're telling me all of this," I say quietly and Chuuya's cheeks flush a soft pink. His eyes stay on mine and I can see him bite the inside of his lip before he looks out towards the bright city below us.

"I've never told anyone all of this before… It's hard, but it feels good to have someone who wants to listen. And I'm glad that someone is you Atsushi," he replies softly and I feel my eyes start to burn with tears. I absolutely cannot let myself cry right now so I try and distract myself by following Chuuya's gaze out towards the city. I watch the cars drive along the streets down below and the odd person who happens to be walking by.

"I'm glad I'm that someone too Chuuya," I conclude and we stay quiet for a while, just watching the city life. I almost forget why we're up here until Chuuya starts speaking again.

"I hate Dazai now, but I can't deny that he was good for me at one time," he starts and I can't help but watch him as he speaks. I can see the memories displayed on his face as he remembers them and he looks almost happy. "He was there for me when I needed him the most and he practically saved me. When I started working with him we became closer and closer. The company we worked for was expensive, we only served the richest people in the city, we were both making a ton of money and living right. I was happy for once.

"That happiness was short lived though, my mom died a week before my 19th birthday and that was when my whole life shattered. Everything I had done up until that point was for her. I busted my ass working every single night doing disgusting things for filthy people and degrading myself in front of everyone to make money for her, so I could give her everything she needed, so when she was gone what did I have to live for? I felt like giving up completely and I would have but Dazai made me keep going. I took 3 days off work when she died then I was back at it, Dazai set up dates for me and made me keep working. At the time I felt grateful, it was a good distraction, but after a while I realized what was going on.

"Dazai started using me. He managed to practically become partners with the owner of the company through persuasion and he would now be making gains through me. The owner knew we got along well and Dazai reassured him that I would continue to keep making him money so he let Dazai control my schedule. I basically became Dazai's employee and he used me for his own personal gain while I was completely fucked up because I couldn't understand anything else going on besides the grief from mourning that I felt. He would book me with multiple clients a day and I had to do whatever they wanted, I didn't even care at the time because I was so depressed I just felt numb and it gave me something to do to pass the time. Dazai would work with me sometimes and that was good because it would be only him touching me and that felt nice for a change, it felt like he actually gave a shit about me, but that happened so rarely it that it didn't help me feel better for very long.

"That's how things were for a long time, I worked for Dazai and he did with me as he pleased. Eventually I started coming to my senses and I started hating Dazai as the days went on, we both started hating each other honestly. Thing's started getting harder and harder and we just grew to despise one another, how could we not? We were together in such a toxic situation and we were _always_ together, it eventually got to the point where we just used each other to try and feel good about ourselves. We both probably would have left if it weren't for the money, we were still making a ton of cash so we were stuck.

"When I was 21, one of my clients was a rich, old, entrepreneur who owned multiple businesses. I was his escort for years at this point so we knew each other well and he made me a proposition. He wanted me to run Viñedo's, he said he wanted to let some of his businesses go because he was getting older and this one was small so he wouldn't miss it. He liked me and thought I had potential as a business owner, I have no idea how he thought that but I'm glad he did because owning the business was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was able to start fresh and get away from everything I had known. I actually wanted to live again and that felt so good. I worked with this man for a while before he signed the deed over to me and as soon as he did I quit the escort business completely. I left the business, told Dazai to fuck off, and I had never felt so good in my life," Chuuya finishes and I can hear the smile in his voice. Sure enough, when I turn to face him he's beaming and the sight makes me smile too. I move to stand behind him and I pull his body against mine by his waist as I wrap my arms around him, he instantly leans back into me and I hear him sigh as he relaxes.

"I'm so sorry about everything that happened with your mom, you were so young… you're so strong. But, I'm so happy things turned around for you Chuuya, you really deserve it," I say softly against his neck and he lets out a soft moan. He moves his hands up to twine them with mine where they rest across his stomach and he pulls me tighter to him, he feels so warm against me and it's the most comforting feeling in the world to have him in my arms.

"Thank you Atsushi, and I'm happy they did too, I would have never met you if they hadn't," he says and I bury my face into his neck as I blush, he laughs as he reassuringly squeezes my hands. "I'm serious though, if it wasn't for my shitty upbringing and everything that came with it I never would have met you. I'm so glad I did Atsushi, you're the best thing to ever happen to me."

"Chuuya…" I sigh at his confession and he turns around in my arms to face me. Despite everything he just told me he's smiling and I'm shocked that this is how he's reacting to this situation. He brings his arms up to wrap them around my neck then reaches up to kiss me, his lips on mine at this moment is breath taking and I can't help the small moan that leaves me. His mouth is so soft on mine as he kisses me sweetly and it makes me crave so much more as I pull him closer to me. He kisses me with the same softness for only a moment longer before he pulls away, his cheeks are flushed and his lips are shiny, he looks just as breath taking as he made me feel.

"Thank you for listening to me, it means a lot," he says with a kiss to my chest and I run a hand up along his back until I reach his face where I lightly brush his hair back. His eyes close at the touch and he leans into my hand, it's the cutest thing I've ever seen so I keep it there and gently caress his cheek with my thumb. A soft moan leaves his lips and then his eyes meet mine, they're shining a bright shade of blue but he doesn't look sad like he did earlier. That makes me instantly happier.

"Of course, and I'm glad you told me everything. I feel so much closer to you now and I promise I still don't think any less of you so please don't worry," I say with a kiss to Chuuya's forehead and when I pull away he looks on the verge of tears, my heart instantly starts racing and I back away slightly in worry.

"Thank you, so much. You have no idea how good that makes me feel," he says quietly before wrapping his arms around my chest and pulling me into a tight hug that almost stops me from breathing. I hug him back and let myself relax knowing that he's okay. We stay like this for a moment before Chuuya pulls away and grabs my hands, "can we go back inside now? I'm cold and I really need you close to me," he asks and I blush as I nod then let him pull me back into the building. I didn't realize that I was cold either until the warm air hits me as we enter and it sends a shiver through me.

When we make it back to Chuuya's apartment we're both cold and extremely tired. It's been a really long day I realize as I remember everything that's happened just within the last few hours and I smile at every thought that runs through my mind. I check the time and see it's 3am, no wonder I'm exhausted. I watch as Chuuya runs his hands up and down his arms to try and warm himself up as he goes to turn up the heat on the thermostat and I'm thankful when I hear it instantly click on. When he makes his way back to me he grabs my hands and looks up at me with a smile that screams mischief.

"Why are you giving me that look…" I state more than ask and he gives me a grin.

"I know earlier you said you wanted to sleep in the guest room but can you please sleep with me? I just want to snuggle up to my little tiger," Chuuya asks with a squeeze to my hands and I know I'm blushing bright red as I nod. I could never turn him down and honestly I want the same thing he does. So with my confirmation, Chuuya smiles and drags me along with him to his room. He lets go of my hands, undresses quick, and jumps into bed in an instant. I'm barely to my side of the bed before he's beckoning to me, "Hurry up tiger I'm freezing!"

"Okay, okay I'm coming. Using me for my warmth…" I trail off as I strip down to just my briefs and Chuuya actually giggles, the sound makes my heart melt. When I join him in bed he takes no time in getting as close to me as possible and wrapping both an arm and a leg around me. I pull him close in response and we both sigh as the bed encloses us in comfort and warmth.

"Hey 'sushi?" Chuuya begins and I hum in response, "thank you for everything. I've been a complete sap tonight but seriously. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for anything ever Chuuya, I'll always be here for you. And you know I love your sappy side," I say with a smile and he scoffs against my chest which makes me smile more. After that we're quiet, the only sound being our breathing and it's really relaxing. It feels amazing to just be here with Chuuya after everything today and I feel so blessed to be here with him now. Being away from him for so long was honestly painful but having him so close in this moment made that break worth it. I try and think about all the things that happened today; finally having Chuuya back, him telling me everything about his life, and how he did everything he did just for his mom- I smile at how sweet that really is. But exhaustion finally starts to get the best of me and I figure I should probably just give into it, I definitely need the sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

"Atsushi, wake up," I hear vaguely and I swear it's a dream until I feel a soft touch to my forehead. Unwillingly, I open my eyes and I'm met with big, bright blue ones staring back at me. I blink a few times and smile when I notice the smile that's beaming back at me too. "About time you woke up!"

"Morning, what time is it?" I ask, my voice still raspy with sleep. Chuuya places another soft kiss to my forehead and brushes my hair back, I know I'm blushing.

"Umm, just after 7. I was too happy and excited to sleep and I wanted you awake with me," he trails off and looks away with a blush, Chuuya actually blushed, the sight makes my heart race and I smile again. After a minute his eyes are back on mine and he gives me a grin, "get up, I ran us a bath and the water won't be warm forever."

The idea of a warm bath sounds incredible but it takes all of my effort to drag my exhausted body out of the comfort of Chuuya's bed, it's also very warm. Once I manage to sit up, I let Chuuya take my hand and drag me along to his bathroom where I'm instantly more awake once we enter. I'm hit with steam and a really strong scent that instantly clears my head, I can't place what it is but it's almost minty. I'm also struck by the image of what Chuuya is wearing now that I'm fully coherent and I'm definitely awake at this point; his hair is messy and draped over his shoulder that is clothed in a dark red, silk robe that is loosely tied at his waist. I can't help but give him a once over and when my eyes return to his face I'm met with the cheekiest smirk I've ever seen.

"You like hmm?" he asks with a grin and I blush again. I run my hands down his arms, the silk is smooth and warm from his heat, and eventually reach his hands. I pull him into me as I slightly bend to kiss him and he sighs into the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist, my heart races immediately. The kiss is sweet but short as Chuuya pulls away first, his hands trace my skin from where they were wrapped around my back to my waist where he grips the band of my briefs, his thumbs run along the band against my skin and it gives me chills. He watches his actions for a moment before glancing up to me with the same grin as before, "do you want to take these off or shall I?"

"Be my guest," I say with a grin of my own then slip one of the shoulders of Chuuya's robe off which only makes him look ever more enticing, I bite the inside of my lip to try and keep myself calm. He gives me a wink before slowly pulling the fabric down, making his way down with them. He drops them to the ground and trails his fingers back up along my thighs as he stands and it makes my knees feel so weak that I'm not sure if I can stay standing myself. Luckily, Chuuya grabs one of my hands and leads me to his bath where he gestures for me to get in and I do so gladly. His tub his large, one side of it sloping perfectly for me to lean against, and the water is hot and smells strongly of the mint scent I smelt when I came in. I sit back and sigh as the water swallows me up, it's then that I notice Chuuya standing nearby. He watches himself in the mirror above the sink as he puts his hair up in a loose up-do with a clip then drops his robe to the floor. My mouth almost drops along with it when I see his figure before me and I'm really glad I have the water around me to hide my instant, obvious arousal, though it doesn't hide the deep blush that I know is all over my face. When Chuuya turns around he gives me a genuine smile before gliding over to the tub and gracefully joining me in the water between my legs. He faces me and just watches me and I sink lower into the water to try and hide myself, this makes him laugh.

"You're adorable," he says and I groan which makes him laugh more. "Will you ever not blush around me?"

"Probably not," I say quickly and it makes him laugh lightly again. He repositions himself so he can lay on my chest and I wrap my arms around his back, he instantly relaxes into me and I've never felt more comfortable. "Hey Chuuya, how do you feel today? After telling me everything last night?"

"I feel good," he responds with slight hesitation. His lips gently kiss my chest before he props himself up to face me, his hair frames his face in messy waves aside from what's pinned up and his expression is soft, it's a beautiful sight. "I feel light; no one knew any of that… well, aside from Dazai. No one important knew I guess, but now you do and that means a lot to me. I'm glad I can be so honest with you; you help me more than you'll ever know 'Sushi."

"I'm glad I can be there for you and I always will be. You help me just as much," I admit and Chuuya smiles brightly before leaning up to kiss me. His touch is gentle and it makes me melt entirely into him and into the water surrounding us. We stay like this for what feels like forever, Chuuya on my chest and his lips occasionally meeting mine, it's pure bliss. But eventually the water gets just a bit too cold and Chuuya complains about it so we reluctantly get out, put some clothes on, also reluctantly, and head to the kitchen to make breakfast.

We spend the day doing nothing at all and it's perfect. Chuuya insists that I need to watch some movie that I don't even know the name of, which he thinks I'm crazy for never having seen it before, and I try to argue against it but he always wins. So we watch the movie even though we don't really pay much attention to it anyways. We relax on the couch for hours and just enjoy each other's company; it's simple and feels so easy. It's then that I appreciate how thankful I am for him, I have someone who I can just be myself with and who is happy to just sit at home and enjoy each other's company. I never would have thought I'd have someone in my life like this and I now realize how truly thankful I am for him. He's given me a happiness I never knew existed. But as the day slowly starts turning to night I realize I should probably head home, I have work in the morning and I have a feeling that I should head home. I'm not sure what it is, call it a gut feeling, but I tell Chuuya and he agrees so we eventually, and unfortunately, leave the comforts of his home to head to mine.

When we reach my apartment building Chuuya pulls up to the curb by the front doors and neither of us say anything for a long time. I know he doesn't want me to leave and I really don't want to either, I was plenty comfortable with the idea of just staying at his place forever. He grabs my hand and I move my eyes from my building to his and he has a serious expression that I know I don't want to mess with.

"I'm going to stay parked here until you text me that you're okay," he says flatly and I blink.

"What do you think will happen? I'm fine, don't worry so much," I say with a smile and I try to seem confident though I feel anything but, that nagging feeling is still in my stomach, and I don't want Chuuya to worry.

"I hope nothing happens, but just to be safe. I don't want to ignore that feeling you had," Chuuya says as though he read my mind. He squeezes my hand gives me a smile that I know is forced. I lean across the seats and give him a soft kiss, I try to reassure him that I feel fine through it but when I pull away he still looks uneasy. I sigh as I turn back in my seat and open the door to leave but Chuuya keeps his grip on my hand. "Text me okay?"

"Okay I will, I'll be fine," I say again and with a final squeeze to his hand I let it go and shut the car door behind me. The trip from Chuuya's car to the door of my apartment feels like it takes a lifetime but once I'm there I feel even more on edge. It takes me a few tries to get the keys in the lock to open the door but eventually I do and I quietly swing the door open. "Dazai?" I call out and I hear him in what I believe to be his room. I follow the sounds and sure enough there he is, but he's packing up clothes and my heart drops. He's just zipping the bag shut when I speak up, "Dazai, what are you doing?"

"Atsushi! I didn't expect you to come home…" he says surprised when he jumps as he turns to face me. He looks a mess; his eyes are dark, his hair is messier than normal, even his usual bandages on his neck that are visible are all tattered and out of place. My gut feeling I had was definitely accurate.

"What's going on? Where are you going?" I ask as strongly as I can but I feel the panic in my chest start to build before the question even leaves my mouth. Dazai looks at me for a few moments before he moves to stand in front of me and he places his hands on my shoulders.

"Atsushi-kun, you don't have to worry. I'll be back in a few days-"

"You always say that! You always say that and I worry and I never hear from you, you can't just leave again… you just came back," I start, completely cutting him off, but the panic in me makes me explode. The thought of him leaving again is almost unbearable, I can't handle not knowing if he's okay or not, especially since I just got him back. I feel the tears in my eyes begin to burn and Dazai gives me a blank expression, he's hiding everything like he always does and it only makes me worry even more.

"Please don't cry, it's not like I want to leave-"

"Yes you do! You're going on another one of your stupid adventures aren't you? You're leaving me again and you were going to leave without me even knowing…"

"No, this isn't one of those times. Please Atsushi, don't cry, I don't want to leave you I swear but this time I have no choice," he says quietly and I look up to meet his eyes that are already watching me, their usually warm brown is now dark and cold, they look almost pained; it instantly makes my heart ache. Dazai pulls me into his chest and I return the hug immediately. Something is different and very wrong, I can feel it and my intuition is normally pretty spot on. He holds onto me for a few seconds before pulling away and I know my tears are running like a river at this point. One of his hands reaches up to wipe my tears away and he gives me a soft kiss on top of my head, "I will be okay and I will come back I promise. Please don't worry about me."

"You know I can't do that… Dazai, where are you going? Can't you tell me?" I plead with as strong a voice as I can muster despite my sobbing and I can see the hurt flash in Dazai's eyes, I know the answer to my question before he even speaks.

"I'm sorry, it's business, that's all I can say," he replies softly before turning around to grab his bag that he's packed. When he turns back around I feel like my world is collapsing and I don't even try to stop him, I move out of his way and he passes by me without a word. When he's out of sight I slump against his door and fall to the floor, my chest is aching and my mind is racing, but I manage to fish my phone out of my pocket and with tears in my eyes I text Chuuya:

" _Dazai is gone again._ "

I don't know how long I sat on the floor for but after a while I hear the door to our apartment open and I freeze. Lifting my head up from my knees I look down the hallway and I almost faint when I see Chuuya. He quickly searches the apartment and when he spots me he dashes over and falls to the ground in front of me, grabs my hands, and kisses me on my forehead. The kiss reminds me of how I woke up this morning and I would give anything to be back in that moment once again.

"Atsushi, are you okay?" he asks though he clearly knows the answer, but I shake my head anyways. I can't keep my eyes on him anymore, it takes too much strength, so I stare blankly down at the ground. Chuuya's grip tightens on my hands and he places another kiss to my head, "I'm so sorry," he begins and I instantly begin to panic at his words.

"Chuuya…" I begin and when I look up to meet his eyes again I'm met with glossy blue ones, my heart instantly plummets.

"I'm so fucking sorry, I have to go with him," is all he says and I can't even react. My whole body shuts down and I realize I'm not even crying anymore, everything feels cold, the only thing I can feel is the ache in my chest and the burn in my eyes.

"You're leaving me too… everyone always leaves me," I say without realizing I'm even speaking the words, I stare blankly at Chuuya and I can see he's breaking. The tears in his eyes finally fall and his jaw is slack, I can see the pain in his expression but I barely register it. I'm too numb to process anything, this is exactly how I felt every day as a child, I'm going to be alone again.

"Atsushi, I'm so sorry, I'm not leaving you forever. I will be back I swear," he says quietly and I don't react, I can't. I've heard such a promise before. Chuuya stares at me and there's nothing I can say. Time drags on and the silence in the air is thick, I can't even think straight anymore, and it feels like hours before the silence is finally broken, "I won't abandon you, I promise."

That one sentence makes my tears flow again and in that moment I start to feel, my chest hurts and I'm hurting so badly but I can feel something and in a way I'm almost relieved. My senses slightly return and I lunge myself into Chuuya's arms, he squeezes me so tight and I'm sobbing completely now. I have been promised time and time again by people who I thought were close to me that they wouldn't leave, it happened so often that the sentiment was lost long ago. I could never trust anyone who said that ever again, but hearing Chuuya promise not to abandon me, that's something I had never heard before. That's a promise that I know, if anyone, he can keep it, and that makes me feel some form of hope.

"Chuuya, where are you going?" I manage to stutter out and he backs away slightly, enough to be able to see me.

"Remember how the last time Dazai left, I warned you that it might have to do with his past? Well I was right, but this issue involves me too. We were part of a deal with someone with a lot of authority… I can't go into it fully right now, but I will explain everything to you when I get back I promise," Chuuya explains and now that my brain is beginning to work again a million questions hit me, but there's no point in asking them now, I know he has to leave.

"Just… be safe, please," I say softly and within a second Chuuya's mouth is on mine, kissing me hard and I gasp as I grip his hair tightly. The kiss feels urgent and needy and I can feel everything Chuuya is putting into it. My heart feels warm but hurts so bad at the same time and I never want this moment to end, I know what will happen when this kiss is over and I try not to think about it. I kiss him back with the same desperation and I pull him even closer to me, his hands grip my waist and pulls me closer too. His touch is reassuring and it comforts me if only slightly. Far too soon, Chuuya pulls away with a gentle bite to my lip and I sigh out of habit.

"I'll be safe and I'll be back before you know it," he reassures me then moves to stand, with his grip back on my hands he pulls me up too and I notice then how sore my body is. "Please take care of yourself and try not to worry."

"You know that's impossible," I say and Chuuya gives me a soft smile.

"I know, but just try. I won't let anything happen, to me or shitty Dazai, we'll be fine," he says with a slight grin and his confidence helps me to feel a bit better. With a hand still clasped with mine we walk to the front door of my apartment where Chuuya stops the both of us. He let's go of my hand to wrap both of his arms around my neck and he pulls me down for another kiss, I pull him to me by the small of his back and return the kiss without a thought. His mouth is soft and warm, I never want the kiss to stop because I know when it does he will have to leave, so I kiss him just as softly for as long as I can. "I won't abandon you," Chuuya whispers against my lips and I feel my eyes begin to burn again as his arms leave my neck and he turns to exit my apartment, leaving me alone to all of my thoughts that are now rushing into my head. I close the door and let myself fully sob as I try and comprehend this current situation. I'm confused and nervous and overwhelmed but the only thing that I'm sure of is that they will come back safely, they have to.


	16. Chapter 16

I awake the next morning to what sounds like annoying screeching and I groan as I attempt to turn off the screeching that is the alarm on my phone. Even in my exhausted, over-emotional state last night I managed to set my alarm for work and I groan again as I realize that yes, I do have to work today. I roll onto my back and just stare at the ceiling. My mind feels blank after everything that happened and I feel numb all over, I'm sure my lack of sleep doesn't help that though. Both Dazai and Chuuya told me not to worry, and even though that's impossible for me I try and muster up all the motivation I can and go about my morning routine in as happy and care free a mood as I can manage.

After having a hot shower and tea I feel a bit better and I arrive to work early like usual, but as soon as I walk in I'm greeted by the boss and my heart freezes. He gives me a stern look before questioning why Dazai didn't arrive with me and I sigh as I give him the very short version of the story. I ramble on and try to make Dazai sound as good as I possibly can but the boss isn't having any of it. By the time I'm done my story he's fuming and he storms off with a hard 'thank you' and I'm left standing there in shock. My heart is racing as I think about what could happen but only one solid thought keeps crossing my mind, I groan as it hits me and I begrudgingly walk out of the back to start my shift.

"Dazai's gone again huh? I'm not surprised," Ranpo says as a greeting from his spot by the door with a smirk and I sigh, of course he knew this was coming. "Didn't expect ginger to go with him though," he adds and I try to continue cleaning behind the counter, I'm so used to him being able to guess everything that I don't really respond to what he's saying. But I notice I'm under Ranpo's questioning stare and it makes me feel uneasy. Eventually, he stops staring at me and leans his head back against the wall. "They'll be okay, him and your boyfriend. Don't worry so much."

"I… hey, how did- of course you knew but… shut up," I stammer as I realize what he just said and Ranpo just laughs, I blush deep and I'm so thankful we're the only two working and that there's only a few people here, all of which are lost in their own conversations. "I hope you're right though… how did you know?"

"Know what, that fancy hat is your boyfriend?" Ranpo almost yells across the room, this catches the glance of a few customers and I internally facepalm.

"Yes obviously…" I trail off and watch Ranpo with as serious of an expression as I can, he stares back and gives me a smile.

"Despite everything that's going on, which is definitely a lot I would say, you're still glowing. You two are totally-"

"Shut up! Forget I asked," I practically yell at him to make him stop what I know would have been an all too detailed sentence, said sentence did not need to be finished in front of customers if at all. Thankfully, he did stop and now he gives me a smirk before greeting a couple who just walked in. This time I actually facepalm and sign as I go about taking the couples order. Ranpo is brilliant, I'll give him that, but he isn't brilliant when it comes to mannerisms in public.

The rest of the day drags on and Ranpo keeps making side comments about Chuuya and I, I almost praise the lords when Junichiro comes in to start his shift, at least he won't tease me endlessly. It seems like it has been forever since I've talked to him and now that I think about it I realize how long it's been. I've been so caught up with Chuuya in the past few weeks and now Dazai again that I haven't really talked to anyone besides the two of them, it makes me feel guilty now that the realization has hit me. We catch up a bit but as the shop gets more and more busy we can't really say much, especially since Ranpo is doing nothing like usual, so we agree to go out tomorrow after work since we are both working the same shift. This new plan actually has me feeling excited and I catch myself smiling and feeling just a bit happier as the day goes on.

By the time it's almost the end of my shift, the shop has quieted down a bit and I'm so ready to be home. My exhaustion is definitely catching up with me. I'm almost completely lost in thought when a quiet voice at the counter brings me back to reality.

"Sorry?" I spit out, completely caught off guard because I didn't even hear what this man asked me.

"I asked if I could hand in a resume," he says sharply, pointing his thumb to the ' _Now Hiring'_ sign in the window and seeming annoyed that he had to repeat himself. I quickly nod my head as I take the paper that's held out in his hand, when did that sign even get put up anyways? I shrug to myself and give the resume a once over before I actually look at him, I can't help but notice he's a lot different than the usual people who come into the shop.

"Ryuunosuke?" I ask, to which he gives me a sharp nod that makes his black, shaggy hair bounce with the movement. His hair has two longer pieces at the front, each with white tips, and I almost find it odd until I remember what my hair looks like… who am I to judge? I scoff to myself at this thought. But this guy is awfully thin and when he subtly coughs I almost feel sympathy for him, he looks and sounds so weak and fragile; I decide I'll put a good word in for him with the boss. So I tell him thank you for dropping off his resume and he leaves the shop with a quiet thank you in return, leaving myself, Junichiro, and Ranpo to all stare after him.

"What an odd fellow," Ranpo says, practically reading my mind and I can't help but mindlessly nod in agreement. After that brief, yet awkward, moment I notice my shift is finally done and I all but jump for joy with excitement. I quickly say bye to everyone and head to wait for the bus, I'm so exhausted and my only thought is making it home to the comfort of my bed.

My shift the following day went surprisingly well, having actually slept probably helped that greatly though. When I got home last night I lasted maybe an hour before I was passed out in bed, I really needed the sleep, but I'm surprised I slept well. I haven't heard from either Chuuya or Dazai, not one text or anything, but I feel okay. I'm not entirely sure why I'm not more panicked like I usually would be, normally I would be an anxious mess. Maybe my confidence and trust in Chuuya is helping with that, I know he can handle himself and he's strong enough to take on anything, both mentally and physically. That must be why I feel okay, I have faith in him. These warm thoughts of Chuuya comfort me and I catch myself smiling whenever I think of him, even though he's gone and doing god only knows what, I can trust that he'll be safe.

About an hour before the end of Junichiro and mine's shift, the guy from yesterday walked through the door and once again we just watched him. He's a really interesting person, his persona and everything is very cool and collected, it's hard not to watch him. He notices us watching as he makes his way to the counter and I feel myself blush, crap, we were caught and I feel even more awkward for staring at him now.

"I'm here for an interview," is all he says with what looks like a forced smile but I return it nonetheless. An interview already? The boss must be seriously looking for someone new, my stomach churns for Dazai at the thought. I tell him to wait a minute while I head into the back to get the boss and when I come back he greets the young man with full excitement. It slightly shocks me. Ryuunosuke gives him a forced smile like the one I received then they head to the back. I glance over to Junichiro who glances back at me and we both can't help but to laugh at how odd that whole moment was. Thankfully the last hour goes quickly and we don't see the boss nor Ryuunosuke again, I'm even more thankful for this since our last encounter was so awkward, but I don't have to think about it too much because soon enough we're walking towards Junichiro's apartment building.

When we reach his apartment I am greeted with a bear hug from Naomi and it makes me really happy, she's always so bubbly and sweet, I really like being around her. You can't help but to be happy with her. After she hugs me she all but tackles Junichiro to the floor and whines about how much she missed him, he's a blushing mess as he groans 'not around guests!' and attempts to free himself; I can't help but to laugh at them. I will never get over their weird bond.

"Atsushi-san! Oniichan says you've been sad lately, are you okay?!" Naomi asks once she's somewhat detached herself from her brother and I feel myself slightly frown, this makes her frown too. I really don't feel like explaining the full story to her, that would take hours and I don't want to share Chuuya and Dazai's back story, but I know she's going to want to know something. So I try and figure out how little I can tell her so she'll be satisfied. Junichiro also looks interested and I know they both care about me, I'll just have to be as honest as I can.

"I'm okay, just a lot going on the last few weeks. Umm, well, Chuuya is my boyfriend now-" I start but I'm instantly cutoff by a squeal from Naomi as she squeezes her brother tight in excitement. He just looks shocked by my news and I blush, I haven't had to call Chuuya my boyfriend yet and I can't stop my stomach from fluttering after saying the term aloud. "Yeah, it's pretty new. But you know how Dazai just leaves a lot? Well this time he actually had to, and Chuuya had to go with him."

"Oh, is that bad? I'm sure it's bad… ah, is where they're going dangerous?" Junichiro asks with a concerned tone, Naomi looks worried and she grips Junichiro's waist a bit tighter. I sigh as I think about the situation for the 100th time it seems like.

"I honestly don't know, they weren't able to say anything before they left, just that it's for business… and I haven't heard anything since I last saw them," I confess and I feel my eyes sting, I bite my lip to stop the tears from forming any further in my eyes but from the way Naomi is watching me I can tell she noticed. She gives me a soft smile before she separates from Junichiro and comes over to me.

"I'm sorry everything is so hard Atsushi-san, if you need anything at all please don't hesitate to ask me or my brother, we both care about you very much," she says with a smile before giving me a tight hug around my chest, I gladly return it. Her words and actions made me feel a bit better, her and her brother are so kind and caring I really do appreciate having them. But before I can start overthinking too much, Naomi pulls away with a big smile and grabs her brother's hand before she beams, "Let's go to the mall! No more being sad, let's go do something. I need to go shopping anyways, it'll be perfect!"

When we make it to the mall Naomi takes off running, insisting she 'needs to shop since there are so many sales on right now'. Junichiro and I debate chasing after her but instead we decide go the opposite direction towards the food court, we're both starving, so we direct ourselves away from shopping crazed Naomi. I don't even remember the last time I had been to a mall, it has for sure been a few years, so when we get to the food court I am just amazed. There's so many different types of food shops that I don't even know what to choose, if I could afford it I'd probably buy something from each one, but I know I can't do that so I just get what Junichiro decides on and we find a table.

We sit, eat, and watch all the people that are around us and it's oddly comforting, it lets me rest my overactive mind by watching how people interact. Some people are so happy and smiling, others are arguing with their spouse, some are sitting alone reading. It's great to just sit here and watch with a friend, I feel good right now and that's a nice feeling. After mindlessly watching people for I don't even know how long, Junichiro pulls me back to reality when he starts speaking.

"Are you really okay? You're usually pretty bad when just Dazai-san leaves but now even Chuuya-san is gone… that can't be easy no matter what you say," he asks with concern and I smile because I'm grateful for his caring, though it only lasts a second.

"It's really hard, I only just got Chuuya back… we ah, were kind of together before but we broke up for a bit. So being official with him now is new, but he's gone and so is Dazai… two of the most important people in my life are gone and I don't even know where to or for how long," I say with a sigh as I slump back against my chair.

"Wow Atsushi, you two were together even before? I didn't even know, I mean I had an idea but… I'm sorry. That's really rough," Junichiro says with a shake of his head before he jumps and grabs his phone from his pocket. He reads the screen and smiles before he starts typing back a reply to what I assume is a text. "Sorry, that was Naomi, she was wondering where we were. But, you don't have to pretend you're okay you know. I don't know how you feel but I can imagine it must be so hard to have both of them gone without any information… If you ever need anything you can come to me, like my sister said, we both care about you. I want to help as much as I can."

"Thank you. Umm, can I stay at your place tonight then? The apartment is really lonely and quiet… I don't like being there right now," I trail off and Junichiro gives me a kind smile.

"Of course you can, I think we work different shifts tomorrow, but you're always welcome to stay at my place," he offers warmly. Not even a second later, Naomi shows up, drops her bags to the ground, and wraps her arms around her brother's shoulders and gives him a kiss on the cheek before she sits in the chair beside him.

"Hello! I did some seriously good shopping, you guys should have come! I got so much stuff! Oh, I also used your card oniichan," she confides with a wide smile, a soft blush, and a grip to Junichiro's arm. His face instantly pales at her words, I try and contain the laugh that I feel bubble up my throat.

"You what?! How much did you spend? No- never mind, I don't even want to know," he says with a sigh and now I can't stop my laugh. They both look to me with wide eyes and I try to stop laughing, but they both smile at me and I realize how happy I am, how alive I feel. It feels really good to be able to just laugh and have fun. Once my laughter calms down we sit and talk for a while, Naomi goes and gets herself something to eat too, insisting she won't spend a lot, and we just hangout. It's a great feeling to just sit with friends and hangout, I never do this, and I make a mental note that I need to do this more. A little bit after Naomi comes back, Junichiro looks to a table beside us and his eyes go wide before he looks back to me.

"Hey, isn't that the guy from the coffee shop? Who applied for a job?" he asks quietly and I subtly glance to where his eyes previously were, I quickly look the person over before I turn back and nod.

"Yeah, that's Ryuunosuke-san. Is he here alone?" I ask and Junichiro shrugs.

"I'm not sure, I just realized it was him sitting there… he's been by himself for a while."

"You should invite him to sit with us!" Naomi suggests and Junichiro looks at me the same time I look at him. We both sit quietly, not entirely knowing what to do.

"Should we? We don't really know him…" he trails off and I nod to agree. It's true, we've only briefly talked to him twice, but then again, if we're potentially going to work with him we should probably be polite. I voice this point and both of the siblings agree with me, though neither of them move. "Why don't you go talk to him?"

"Why me?!"

"Because you're better at talking than me and you're more approachable… go be friendly," Junichiro says with a wink and a grin, I sigh.

"Alright," I finally say as I stand up from my chair, take a deep breath, and make my way to the stranger's table. When I reach the chair adjacent to him he looks up from the book he's reading and gives me a glare, I instantly feel cold and uncomfortable.

"What do you want?" he asks coolly and it sends a chill down my spine, I'm starting to think that coming over here was a bad idea but since I'm here I need to make the best of this situation.

"I ah- just wanted to say hi, umm… since we could possibly be working together?" He stares at me after my stuttering for a moment before he gestures to the empty chair with his hand, I breathe out a sigh of relief, he can't hate me too much if he's offering me a seat. I sit down and his eyes go back down to his book, I feel like I'm going to be annoying if I speak and interrupt him but I can't just awkwardly sit here. "Umm, how did the interview go?"

"Fine," he says as he reads a few more lines before placing a bookmark in his book then gently shuts it. He places his elbows on the table, clasps his fingers, and rests his chin on them before staring at me. He's very bold I realize and I need to put on a stronger front if I'm going to talk to this guy, so I sit up straighter and stare back at him. It's hard to keep eye contact with anyone let alone him but I do my best. After a moment he softens up just slightly before he speaks, "the boss seemed to really like me, he said he needs someone reliable to replace another employee who isn't doing their job."

"Oh ah- yeah, I think he's going to get fired."

"So he still works there?"

"No… yes, I'm not sure he's ah, not around at the moment…" I trail off and Ryuunosuke gives me his blank stare.

"Are you friends with him?"

"Yes, he's my roommate," I answer and he gives me a nod, then he's silent again. I feel my hands start to get sweaty from where I have them clasped under the table, this guy makes me so nervous and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's his deep tone and hard exterior, I start to question if he's ever smiled.

"I'm sorry your roommate is getting fired but by the sounds of it he sounds reckless and useless," is what he says after a while of silence and I just stare. For one, I'm shocked that he actually said he's sorry for something; so he does have some empathy, I'm pleasantly surprised by this. But secondly, I'm offended by him calling Dazai useless… though he doesn't know him this still makes me defensive, I've never felt defensive over Dazai, it's an odd feeling. Before I can get any more upset from overthinking though, my inner banter is broken up by a soft cough from across the table. I look up at Ryuunosuke and realize what I thought about him previously, how he must be sick because of the cough and his frailty, now I'm the one feeling empathetic. I decide to let his comment about Dazai slide, I'm probably overreacting anyways.

"Are you okay?" I ask gently and Ryuunosuke looks at me. He adjusts the collar of his shirt before placing his hands on the book he was reading.

"I'm fine," he says plainly before he grabs the book and turns to put it in his bag that he has hanging on the back of his chair. Standing up, he grabs the bag and slings it over one shoulder but he looks at me before moving. "If I get the job, I'll see you soon. I hope we can be friends and you can call me Ryuu."

Ryuu turns and walks away after that statement and I'm left sitting there, staring after him. That was probably the nicest thing I've heard him say since we met, though we haven't talked much, it was still a nice gesture and it makes me smile. For some reason I would like to be friends with him, he seems like a decent person under that dark exterior. Just as I'm about to get up I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I quickly grab for it and swipe it open as fast as I can when I see I have a text notification.

" _Atsushi, I hope you're okay. I miss you so much. I don't know when we'll be back but I hope it's soon, I can't handle being with Dazai much longer. I'll be back to you soon safe and sound I promise. Don't be too worried and don't think so much, you're bad for that."_


	17. Chapter 17

_Chuuya_

"Listen, I don't know who the fuck you are or what the fuck you think you're entitled to but Viñedo's is mine. I signed the deed and it was given to me flat out. I don't give a damn if you were supposed to get the business, that's for you and your father to figure out but the old man wanted me to run it so here I am. It is legally mine. As for Dazai, he has nothing to do with me."

"Come on Chuuya! We were partners, I always supported you now it's your turn, you owe me."

"No, you have brought me down enough Dazai and now you're doing it again by getting involved with these assholes again. This is why we aren't partners anymore and I don't you owe shit. Why the fuck would you come back here? Are you that stupid?"

"I didn't exactly plan for this, do you think I would do this intentionally? This guy contacted me a long time ago, he said he was a colleague of one of our top, most trusted contacts… he had a job for me and said that I would make a lot of money… I thought he was good for his word and I couldn't pass it up, but he just wanted to get to you through me, I never could have known that beforehand Chuuya."

"You're so fucking dense it's unbelievable. I thought you were done with this business no matter what? Apparently not… and you just had to bring me back into it to."

"That wasn't my intention! You should know that… I didn't know he would want anything until he brought up your name, I'm sorry Chuuya."

"Fuck off Dazai. As for you, you're not getting Viñedo's, no matter what Dazai did for you or owes you. That's for you idiots to figure out but honestly I don't think either of us owe you shit. Dazai gave you what you asked for, getting my business wasn't an original part of that deal and I'm not signing over my business to some weak moron like yourself. Go cry to your daddy for another business, I know he had more than one. Now if that's all, I'm leaving and taking this bandage waster with me."

With that, I grab Dazai and shove him out of the door in front of me. My blood feels like it's on fire and I've never been more agitated in all my life. We make it to my car without me strangling him to death, which is a miracle, and when we're in it I all but lose my mind.

"Are you fucking insane Dazai?! Do you know what could have happened back there because of your stupid bullshit? If I lose my business so help me god I will kill you with my bare hands, I can't believe you would do this stupid shit, getting involved with the escort business again… I thought you were smarter than that… I can't lose everything because of you, I've been through that once before but now I have more to lose. When we get back I swear to god I am not speaking another word to you ever again and don't even think about crawling to me with more of your problems. I just saved your ass for the last time Dazai, we are done."

" _I'll be home soon Atsushi, I'm so sorry for leaving. I will never do it again, you're so important to me, I can't go back to how things were before you._ "

 _Atsushi_

I awake in the dead of night when I hear my phone go off. Half asleep I debate checking it, I really don't want to move because I'm so tired but not knowing what the sound was for will only nag at my mind. Blindly, I feel around for my phone and when I grab it I turn it on, the light is so bright I have to squint but when I make out the name on my screen I jump and sit straight up. It's a text from Chuuya and my heart races as I open it. Tears instantly start running down my face when I read the words and it feels like my heart is going to fall out of my chest. I reread the text again and again and I can't stop crying or smiling. Chuuya is coming home and he said I'm important to him, I already knew this but hearing it again is just more reassurance. My mind is working at 100mph and now I'm wired, I doubt I'll be sleeping the rest of the night.

When my alarm goes off for work later that day I'm already awake. I've been staring at the ceiling for hours now and I jump out of bed the minute I hear the familiar sound from my phone chiming. I almost forget I'm at the Tanizaki's apartment until I stand up and my surroundings dawn on me, I guess I should get dressed since I'm a guest here, so I put on my work uniform and head to the kitchen. Naomi is awake and sitting at the kitchen table, she gives me a soft smile when she sees me.

"Good morning," she says and her expression changes once she really looks at me. "Why are you so smiley? What happened?"

"Good morning. Umm, Chuuya texted me… he's coming home today, I think… he didn't stay today but…" I ramble on and I know my whole face is red from my blush. Naomi gives me her big, genuine smile and gets up to give me a hug.

"That's so great Atsushi! I'm so happy for you! Do you want breakfast? Anything you want!" she offers but I counter and make breakfast with her instead. We make a bunch of food and talk about Chuuya, she wants to know all about how we got together and everything, I gladly tell her the happy and rough parts of our relationship. It's really nice being able to talk to someone about him and although this seems like girl gossip I can't help but to be happy while we talk, I've never gotten to talk about someone so positively before, and Naomi is great to gush to. I'm almost embarrassed for this whole scenario… almost.

When I walk into the back room at work to start my shift I am stunned to see Ryuu standing there. He gives me a slight nod of acknowledgement before he slips on the work shirt that we all wear, he buttons it up with such grace and once again I'm left just staring at him, he really is interesting.

"Ahh hi, you got the job?" I stutter out after I realize I'm staring.

"Obviously?" he replies back and I blush instantly. What a stupid question to ask, obviously he got the job, I literally just watched him put on the shirt and he's in the back room. I internally smack myself.

"Umm, congratulations! Ah- is anyone else here?"

"Just the boss, he says you're training me."

"Oh okay! Let's get started then!" I say with a little too much enthusiasm but I can't help myself, ever since I got Chuuya's text saying that he's coming back I've been on cloud 9. Ryuu doesn't look impressed with my over-happiness but he gives me a nod as we start training. For most of the morning I show him around the shop and I train him on how to make the different beverages when people come in and order them. He's already fine on cash so he must have worked in a retail setting before, which is a plus for me since I don't have to do extra training, my mind isn't focused on training that's for sure. It really doesn't take him long to the get hang of things, he learns how to make the basics pretty fast and only needs help for the stuff he hasn't learned yet. He's pretty impressive I have to admit, so the day goes smoothly for the most part and I get to imagine all sorts of scenarios in my head. When Ranpo and Junichiro come in to start their shifts I try and act normal, or as normal as I usually do, but I know I'm still beaming. They both notice without fail.

"You're a lot happier today Atsushi, I'm glad, but why?" Junichiro asks with a smile and I blush at the question, but before I can even answer Ranpo is answering for me.

"Isn't it obvious? Fancy hat and our precious, suicide loving coworker must be coming back," he says with a grin and my blush deepens at the mention of Chuuya but also Dazai, I haven't given much thought about Dazai I now realize.

"Is that true? Since when?"

"He texted me really early this morning saying he was coming back… though he didn't mention anything about Dazai," I notice as I say it. I was so caught up with Chuuya's text that I didn't entirely think of Dazai's wellbeing, I feel guilty now that it hits me. I really hope he's coming back too.

"Dazai?" Ryuu asks from behind me and I almost forgot he was there. When I turn around to face him his eyes are wide and he actually looks shocked, I've never seen any expression on him before. His hand goes up to his mouth and he covers a soft cough, I have a feeling that he didn't mean to say anything. Slowly, I nod and I notice Junichiro looks over to him as well.

"Umm, yes? Osamu Dazai, do you know him?"

"Kind of yes…" he answers quietly but he still looks surprised and maybe embarrassed. I think about asking him how he knows Dazai but I decide to hold off, we barely know each other and we're at work, this really isn't the time or place to discuss our past with Dazai. So I play it safe, keep my mouth shut about Chuuya and Dazai, and go back to what I should be doing which is working. We all refrain from carrying on the previous conversation and I'm thankful, I'm a mess just thinking about everything let alone speaking about it.

After spending the entire rest of my shift overthinking I'm far too glad when Junichiro lets me know that my shift is done, I'm finally free to go home. I make my way to the backroom and quickly grab my phone to check it but unfortunately there's no messages. I sigh disappointed but I don't let it bring me down, I grab my stuff and just before I'm about to leave a thought crosses my mind and it instantly has me groaning. I decide to pursue it anyways, the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

I make my wake back into the shop and towards Ranpo who watches me curiously as I approach him. He gives me a mischievous smile and I already know I'm going to regret talking to him.

"Hey ah-, can we trade shifts on Friday?"

"I knew it! I knew you would want to trade me… you want two days off in a row? So greedy Atsushi-kun," Ranpo says with a wink and I sigh. He's always so difficult.

"Please?! I never ask you for anything and I'd really appreciate it…" I all but beg and I give him the saddest expression that I can muster. He stares at me for a few moments before he leans back in his chair, resting his head against the wall.

"Fine, I'll trade you, but now you owe me double," he says with a side wink and now I groan, I completely forgot that I already owe him from a while ago. He's really going to abuse this I just know it.

"Okay fine, whatever you want… but thank you so much seriously," I say with a smile and he returns it.

"Yeah yeah, have fun with your boyfriend, but not too much fun," he grins and I feel myself go red. I give him an awkward nod before I take off out the front of the café and head for the bus stop. I'm praying to the almighty's that no one heard that final comment of our conversation but those worries quickly leave my mind as I realize I'm on my way home and so is Chuuya.

When I arrive at home I'm at a complete loss about what I should do, I'm not sure when Chuuya and Dazai will be back… it could me minutes or hours. Not knowing is making me anxious, so I decide I need to keep myself occupied. I start with a long shower and that calms my nerves a little bit but then I start thinking about what I should do, should I look nice when I see Chuuya? Or will he just be annoyed and angry and want to be left alone? That thought makes me sad. I want to see him so bad though I would completely understand if he needed some space after everything… I don't even know anything that happened. Now I'm even more anxious, what if one of them got hurt? What if something went horribly wrong? I'm pretty sure Chuuya would tell me but I have absolutely no idea about anything and now my overactive mind is really going crazy. I need to distract myself and the only way I know how to do that is by cleaning so that's what I do.

I move everything and dust, vacuum, and even reorganize. Everything smells fresh and nothing is cluttered anywhere in the apartment, this puts me at ease if only slightly. I check the time and see that this task took me a couple of hours… I don't know if this is good or bad. Shouldn't they be back by now? But how far away did they have to go? I sigh, there's just too many unanswered questions and I have no idea how to handle them all. I make my way to the kitchen to get something to drink when I hear the keys in the lock of the front door and I completely freeze. It takes a few seconds but then the doorknob turns and in comes Dazai, he looks around and when his eyes find me he visibly relaxes with his familiar grin.

"Atsushi-kun," he says quietly and I can't help but to run to him and squeeze him tight. He squeezes me back in a tight hug and my heart is now racing even more than it has been all day. So many questions have been running through my head today but I blurt out the first one that comes to mind.

"Where's Chuuya?"

"He's downstairs… we're not on good terms. Jeeze Atsushi-kun, you don't even care to ask how I am?" Dazai replies with a smirk but before that I seen pain flash through his eyes. I know I should ask what happened but I also know that Dazai isn't going to tell me since he never does. My heart is also doing backflips now because I know Chuuya is literally a minute away from me and that is too much for me to handle, but I try and stay as collected as I can. "You can go you know."

"I will… but how are you Dazai-san? Are you okay?" I ask almost shyly and Dazai gives me a soft smile, it makes me feel warm.

"I'm okay I promise, everything is fine, and I will be fine even when you go with Chuuya."

"Are you sure? I can stay-"

"Atsushi-kun, I know you want to see him and I want you to see him too. He clearly makes you really happy and I'm sure you've been worried. So no more worrying, especially about me, I'm fine. Please, go enjoy your time with him," Dazai says with a smile and I smile back. I can still see the hurt in his eyes from before but he does look okay, so I trust his word and give him another tight hug before I head to my bedroom to grab my bag that I already have packed from my last few hours of distractions. When I return Dazai looks me over and slightly chuckles and I blush instantly, "you're that prepared huh?"

"Shut up… I've been lonely and I needed to distract myself," I admit and Dazai just smiles at me.

"Well get going then, I know he's been anxious to see you too… even if he hasn't been talking to me," Dazai says with a wave of his hand before he slumps down onto the couch. I hesitate to leave after what Dazai just said, should I ask why he won't speak to him? I'm sure I could figure out why; Chuuya wanted nothing to do with him before all of this… I can only imagine their relationship is even worse now and that's without knowing any details of their trip. I sigh as I decide to hold off on confronting Dazai but I give him one final hug and reassure him that it's okay if he needs to text me or anything he can. He laughs and waves me off again but he thanks me regardless and I can't help but smile. I'm so glad that he's back safe and sound.

I don't waste any more time after I'm done speaking with Dazai and I head out of our apartment as fast as I can. When I make it down to the lobby and the elevator doors open I see Chuuya. He's not wearing a hat, his ginger hair is wavy and loose on one shoulder, his dark blue shirt matches his eyes and clings to his body perfectly, his dark jeans do the same. I can't stop myself when I throw my bag and all but tackle him. My tears instantly start flowing but I don't care, I'm in Chuuya's arms again and he's holding me so tight and nothing else matters to me right now. I sob into his shoulder for a long moment before he pulls back and through my tears I can see that his blue eyes are also teary and it makes my heart melt entirely. Seeing him here and feeling him in my arms again makes me relax, I feel so much calmer already and I'm so thankful that he's back safe and sound.

"My sweet tiger," he whispers and I smile so wide before I pull him into me and kiss him with everything I have. His arms wrap around my neck and he pulls me tight, returning my kiss and he has never felt so warm and comforting. My whole body feels hot, I feel like I haven't felt anything in days and now every inch of me is on fire. Chuuya's fingers on my neck burn even hotter and his mouth is keeping me alive. Kissing him like this feels like our first kiss all over again and my heart is fluttering. My hands travel around his body to the small of his back and I pull him flush against me, his soft moan into my mouth makes me feel faint, and I have never felt more at home than in this moment.

"Chuuya I-" my words are cut off by Chuuya's lips and his tongue grazes mine, this time I'm the one to moan. He enters my mouth again and he takes me over, I let him without a thought, not caring that anyone could walk into the building and see us. He tastes every inch of my mouth, caressing my own tongue and softly tickling the roof of my mouth, his actions make me feel completely light headed. I almost forget what I wanted to say but it comes back to me with a bang and I know I can't stop myself when I pull away, Chuuya's eyes are sparkling back at me and I shakily whisper, "I love you."

"Atsushi," he whimpers against my lips as he kisses me so softly, my lips tingle at the touch and all I can do is grip his waist tighter. His entire mood has changed instantly and his fingers trail up my neck and into my hair where they lightly grip, then like a breeze against my lips he responds "I love you too."


	18. Chapter 18 Part 1

The drive back to Chuuya's apartment building feels like it lasts forever, we're both so anxious to be together and the distance from his building to mine feels like he lives in another country. His fingers on my thigh softly running up and down along the inside definitely didn't help my desperation, by the time we reached our destination I was all but squirming in my seat.

We clumsily made it to Chuuya's apartment door since we have been inseparable since we left his car, his mouth on mine any chance he could get and always touching me in some way. When we finally make it through the door there's nothing to hold us back and I've never felt so needy and emotional in my whole life. Chuuya instantly backs me up against the closed door behind us and runs his hands up into my hair, mine grip his waist and pull him into me. The groan that leaves him at our contact makes me even harder and I'm practically aching to touch him. His eyes show that he feels the same way and so does his tight grip in my hair, I bite my lip as I just watch him and I see his cheeks slightly redden as he watches my mouth.

"I missed you so much, I'm so sorry I had to leave," Chuuya starts gently and I don't want him to be sorry, I'm just thankful that he's back safe and sound, so I softly shake my head and bend to kiss him to quiet him. His mouth is soft and warm, I grip his waist tighter, he bites my lip and now I'm the one to groan. He kisses me again and it's slow, his lips stay on mine in a soft caress and his hands leave my hair to trail down along my neck and to my chest. His touch feels so good on my burning skin even if there is a layer of clothes in between, just feeling him so close to me is enough to make me happy forever. He pulls back from me just enough so our eyes can meet and his expression screams desperation, "'Sushi I need you so bad."

"I need you too," I say with a moan and Chuuya grabs my hand and pulls me along down the hallway and to his room. He turns on the lamps that are beside the bed on each side and it casts a dim light through the room, when he comes back to me he wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me down to kiss him, I gladly return his kiss and I pull him close by the small of his back. He pecks my lips a few times before his own travel down my jaw and to my neck where he kisses slowly down to my collarbone. I moan and I grip the shirt he's wearing, everything he does feels so good.

"Can you strip me baby?" Chuuya asks against my skin and I feel like I'm going to faint as the words leave his mouth, his voice sounds so deep and enticing I feel them hit me right in my groin. I back away from him just far enough to be within arm's reach and I nod as I grip the bottom hem of the shirt he's wearing. As I slowly pull the fabric up he raises his arms and I lift the material up and off of his torso and toss it to the side. My fingers just have to touch his newly exposed skin, I skim them down his chest to his stomach and every inch I touch is firm and hot, he's in amazing shape and his figure only turns me on more. When my fingers reach his jeans I attempt to undo the button on them but I realize I'm more nervous than I thought I was, it takes a moment to get it undone but I eventually manage. I try and calm myself down in my head, I know this isn't the first time we've done anything together but this feels so much more intimate than anything before and we've barely touched each other. Chuuya of course senses my nerves and he grips my hands before I can continue, I glance up at him and his expression is soft though his face is definitely flushed, it makes me blush. "Don't be nervous Atsushi, we'll go as slow as you need to," he says softly and I feel myself calm down slightly.

With Chuuya's encouraging words I pick up where I left off, my hands return to his jeans and I unzip them before I move to grip them at his hips. I look back up at him and it takes him a moment for his eyes to meet mine, they look an even brighter blue than normal and the grin tugging at his lips only adds fuel to my fire. Keeping my eyes locked with his I begin pulling down his jeans and I fall to the ground with them, Chuuya bites his lip once I'm on my knees and I feel strangely confident. I have never done anything like this before but I feel strong, maybe it's because he was gone and I had no idea if he was okay; we have to live in this moment and embrace all of the happiness we get because who knows what will happen. So with this new found bravery I slowly move my mouth to his thigh where I bite and it makes Chuuya moan loud.

"Do you want me to strip everything?" I ask as innocently as I can and it makes Chuuya give me his cocky smirk. I motion for him to step out of his jeans and he grips my shoulders for support, once he's out of them they're tossed to the side too.

"What do you think?" he asks calmly and I'm just shocked that he can sound so calm and collected at a time like this. But I keep my eyes on his still and I run my hands up his thighs and grip his briefs, I pull them down slowly as I place kisses to his thighs and I hear a soft moan from above me. Repeating our actions earlier I get them off and toss them to join the ever growing pile of clothing beside us. Lastly, I remove his socks one at a time then stand up, I try and keep my balance as best as I can but after being on the ground so long I can feel the ache in my knees. I'm quickly distracted though when Chuuya reaches up to kiss me and he kisses me hard, his hands grip my waist tight and his force leaves me entirely breathless. His tongue finds its way into my mouth with no resistance from me and he smoothly caresses the roof of my mouth before pulling away with a bite to my lip, I'm left practically panting and before I can shut my mouth a loud purr escapes me. I instantly blush even though I know he loves this part of me and my thoughts are proven right because he smiles at me and gives me a quick kiss.

Now it's Chuuya's turn to strip me down and the entire time he does I can't help but to blush and purr even more as he slowly exposes me. I'm still not entirely comfortable with being nude like this but I know with time I will be, this is all so new to me and it happened pretty fast, not that I mind. Chuuya takes his time like I did with him, touching and kissing my skin as it becomes visible and by the time he's done I'm a melting mess. He pulls me over to his bed by my hand and gently pushes me onto it when we're at its edge. I move to lean up against his pillows and he follows me, sitting on my thighs he rests his hands on my chest then leans up to kiss me. My hands quickly find his hair and I grip it as I kiss him back, he moans into my mouth at my grip and it makes my fingers tighten up even more. Our kisses grow more fervent and my whole body feels incredibly hot, every kiss and touch and moan that leaves Chuuya's lips only adds to that heat but it's equally reciprocated from him. His skin is burning against mine and it feels so good, it makes me kiss him even harder and my whole body is aching for him.

"'Sushi, what do you want?" Chuuya asks breathlessly against my mouth and I don't have words to speak so I kiss him again and again and he groans against my lips. "Please, answer me. I need to know what you're thinking."

"I-I want you, I want you s-so badly," I all but stutter out since my brain isn't functioning properly enough for speech. Chuuya pulls back and his stare is intense when I open my eyes to meet his. He looks contemplative and I can't help but bite my lip from nerves as he continues to think.

"Do you want to top me?" he asks and it takes me a minute to understand his meaning but when I do I feel my whole face flush red. Do I want to? Shouldn't it be the other way around since I'm new to all of this? What if I mess everything up? My internal line of questioning has me feeling more nervous than I have all night and Chuuya places a hand gently on my cheek to comfort me, when my eyes meet his again I'm met with nothing but concern and care, it helps me feel a bit better. "It might be easier for you for your first time… and I'm ah- experienced either way. I can help you I promise, don't be nervous."

"Okay," I say quietly because that's all I can manage and Chuuya kisses me again, it's soft and inviting and it comforts me even further. He moves off my lap for just a moment and reaches into his bedside drawer to grab stuff, when he comes back he places lube and condoms on the bed beside us and I blush yet again. I wish I wasn't such an awkward person but here I am, flustered as always.

"Do you want to prep me?" Chuuya asks and I bite my lip, I at least know what he means by this and the thought of it creates a vivid and intriguing mental image. I nod my head in confirmation and I'm given a smirk in reply, "my tiger is so good."

His brief praise hits me right in the gut and it gives me some confidence, I pull Chuuya's mouth to mine and slip my tongue in instantly, tasting him feels so good and the moan I receive is even better. I stroke his tongue with my own then pull away, making him gasp for breath. He grabs my hand and sucks one of my fingers into his mouth, nibbling and licking slowly he keeps his eyes on mine, I didn't think I could grow any harder but his actions definitely make it happen. Biting my finger he slips off and lets my hand go so he can grab the lube that's beside us, he pops open the cap before he uses his other hand to grip my wrist then applies a bit to the tips of my fingers. He guides my hand around his waist and down and I feel myself slightly panic.

"Breathe Atsushi, you won't hurt me and you won't mess up, you'll do great," Chuuya reassures me as he slightly lifts himself up off my thighs and wraps his arms around my neck. He kisses my neck softly and, after blindly finding my way, I place a finger on his hole. I remember he did this to me not too long ago so I try and mimic his actions from then. I softly rub the area and spread the liquid that's on my fingers and this makes Chuuya moan into my neck, his sounds make me a bit more confident and I insert the tip of one finger, testing his reaction, before I push it all the way in. The groan I receive makes me light headed and I grip his hip with my free hand. He arches his back so his chest presses against mine, he feels so good against me. I gently pull my finger almost all the way out before pushing back in and Chuuya is moaning again, "Fuck 'Sushi, you feel so good already."

I'm amazed by how Chuuya is reacting to me and I've only put one finger in… he's done this before a fair amount hasn't he? So shouldn't this just feel okay for him? I try not to think about how many partners he's had and instead focus on what I'm doing and the feel of Chuuya's teeth on my throat. After a moment I decide to add another finger and when I do the moan I receive is incredible, it's loud against my neck and it vibrates right through me into my gut, I can't help but quietly moan myself. After giving Chuuya a second to adjust I start moving my fingers and he wraps his arms tighter around my neck, I release my grip from his hip to slide my hand up and around his back then run my fingers up and down his spine, his skin is so hot and smooth. He moans again and pulls back just enough to be able to kiss me, his mouth is wet and eager and sloppy as he begins grinding back on my fingers, moving in rhythm with me.

"'Sushi, god, you're so good. I need more, I'm so ready for you," Chuuya groans out against my lips and my heart starts racing. We're in this moment and I know I can go back but I don't want to, I'm just so nervous, I'm not good at new things. I try and calm myself down by kissing him again, his lips are soothing and they do help but I'm still so anxious. Chuuya pulls away from my mouth and places his hands on my chest like he did earlier, the way he's leaned back makes it hard for me to reach around him now so I unfortunately remove my fingers, this makes Chuuya sigh. He gives me a look full of lust and sensuality and I melt, but there's also his usual caring there too and of course I blush immediately. "I'm absolutely dying for you and I'm so ready for you but I need to know you're okay with this, how are you feeling?"

"Ah- I'm nervous b-but I'm good," I answer as best as I can and Chuuya smiles at me. He leans down to give me a gentle kiss and it gives me butterflies, even in such an intense moment like this he's still so sweet, though he would never admit that.

"Let me help you with the next part," he says with a wink, when he pulls away I blush again. Sitting back on my thighs he reaches over to grab one of the condoms beside us, my heart instantly starts beating faster and I'm really thankful he's volunteered to do this since I would have no idea how… well, at least no idea how to do it without messing up. He brings the packet to his teeth and tears it open with no hesitation and it's one of the sexiest things I've ever seen, I'm caught staring and Chuuya gives me his usual smirk before he grabs the condom out and tosses the wrapper. His free hand moves to grab the base of my erection and the touch sends a shiver through my whole body, I haven't been touched this entire time and now I feel like I could cum from just this one action. I will myself to calm down before I ruin this entire moment and I manage as best as I can, that is until Chuuya brings the condom down and rolls it over me and I have to bite my lip and look away, that one stroke felt way too good. I take a moment to breathe before I face Chuuya and he's already watching me, his gaze makes my blush deepen and he leans in to kiss me. His lips remain on mine as he slides further up my body and grips my shoulders, when he pulls back he kisses my forehead before his eyes lock on mine, "are you ready 'Sushi?"

"Y-yes," I quietly stutter and Chuuya gives me a nod. He reaches under him with one hand and grasps my cock, he gives me a few strokes before he lines me up with his hole and I definitely feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I grip his waist when he starts to slide down and we both moan the further he goes, my eyes screw shut and it takes everything I have to not cum instantly from this feeling. His hands return to my shoulders once he's all the way down and I force my eyes open, I'm met with Chuuya's blue one's and he stares at me; he has never looked so good. His cheeks are flushed crimson, his ginger hair is messy and slightly sticking to his sweaty face, and his eyes are hooded; he looks incredible and I'm instantly hit with so many emotions that I feel like I could burst, "I love you Chuuya," I say suddenly and I feel my eyes begin to sting.

"Mmm 'Sushi, I love you too," he says with a peck to my lips before he moves his body up then slowly slides back down, my grip on his waist tightens with this but I manage to give a nod that I'm okay and Chuuya keeps going. He moves slowly at first, I think for both of our sakes, then he starts to pick up speed and I have never felt so good in my life. His body feels so hot and I can feel him everywhere, his hands on my shoulders and his heat around me, every movement he makes sends a shock through me and I'm already becoming addicted to this. He sets a steady pace of moving slower but hard, with every snap of his hips he slams down on me and I feel like I could cum every time. The more he moves the more I need him, I lean forward to bite his neck and the shriek that leaves Chuuya's mouth lights something ablaze within me and I have never felt so desperate.

"Chuuya," I start with a groan and he gives me a slight hum to show he's listening, though he doesn't slow his movements even slightly. "I need more," I practically growl and Chuuya pulls away just enough to see my face, now he slows down and grinds my waist at a snail's pace, he gives me a grin and I bite my lip so hard I swear I can taste blood.

"Where is this fire coming from hmm?" he says with a lick to his lips, "did I awaken my sweet, little tiger?" His hips still grind along me so slowly as he finishes his sentence and I feel like my body is on fire, I have never needed someone so badly as I do right now, everything within me is screaming for more and I listen to it. I grip Chuuya's hips and in one smooth motion flip him onto his back, I manage to keep myself inside of him and the look on his face is pure shock. "That was impressive," he admits as his expression changes back to his seductive grin and he grips my hair to pull my mouth down to his. I'm still in complete shock with myself as I kiss him back, I can't believe I was able to do that without completely failing but I did and I feel so confident with myself. As my tongue tangles with Chuuya's I experimentally thrust into him, slowly, and it feels indescribable. The more I move the more I feel and the more Chuuya moans, his sounds and his body feel so good, I've never felt so warm and alive before.

As I become more and more confident with my actions I manage to set a good pace and Chuuya begins to meet me halfway, thrusting his hips up to meet mine. Every time I enter him he moans and just hearing him almost seems more pleasurable than the act itself; knowing that it's me making him so loud and providing him with so much pleasure is so rewarding, I feel closer and closer to climax with every erotic noise that leaves his lips.

"Atsushi mmm, I-I won't last much longer," Chuuya moans out as he grips my hair tighter. I lean down to kiss him then trail my lips down to his neck, I mindlessly kiss and bite there while I focus on our bodies, providing both of us with everything we've ever needed. As the words leave his mouth it hits me that I'm not going to last much longer either, my gut has never felt so tight and it's becoming painfully hard to keep moving but I push myself as best as I can, I want to make Chuuya cum so badly. I move a bit faster and a bit harder and Chuuya's moans start to become silent but I can feel his body tighten around me, I chance glancing up at him and he's biting his lip so hard, he looks so good. He tightens up even more and I can't handle it, his grip on me is unbearable and I let myself go completely. Every inch of me is burning and my vision temporarily blacks out as I'm hit with the strongest orgasm of my life, I'm shaking and moaning and biting Chuuya's neck probably way too hard but I can't help myself. Within my blissed out state I do manage to keep myself from totally collapsing but it takes a moment to come back to my senses, when I do the first thing I do is check on Chuuya. He's sweating as much as I am and his eyes eventually open to meet mine, when they do he gives me a tired smile and pulls me down to kiss him. It's a gentle kiss but so full of love, I kiss him back with every emotion I currently feel and it's wonderful. I can only kiss him for a second because now my body is catching up with me and I'm exhausted, so before I fall down I pull out of Chuuya and roll over onto my back. Before I get too comfy I pull off the condom and tie it, Chuuya grabs it and tosses it to the garbage by his bed then rolls over to lay against me. "How was it?" he asks me as he starts to stroke and scratch my now visible cat ears. I blush immediately, leaning more into his touch.

"Amazing," I admit and Chuuya leans up to look at me, the smile on his face is full of pure happiness and it makes me feel even happier. I realize all of a sudden that I don't even know if he came or not, I was so caught up with myself that I didn't even notice and I feel so guilty for not paying attention. "Did you cum?!" I ask bluntly and internally facepalm myself, why am I like it? He stares at me for a minute before he laughs and kisses my chest, I blush even harder.

"Yes 'Sushi, I did. How did you not notice?" he says with a gesture to my stomach and I see that I'm coated in white liquid. I blush furiously as I'm now just seeing this and I can't believe I didn't beforehand. Chuuya runs a finger through it then licks his finger clean before he gives me a wink, "and it was absolutely incredible," he finishes with a slight laugh still on his voice and I smile. I'm so glad I was able to do this whole thing right. "Thank you, for everything… I've never gotten to do that with someone I actually love. It was amazing," he admits and it makes my heart hurt in the best way. I feel the sting in my eyes that I felt earlier and I can't stop the tears from leaving them. Chuuya instantly looks worried as he wipes them from my face with soft fingers and I smile to try and comfort him.

"I'm okay I promise, they're good tears," I reassure and Chuuya relaxes before he leans down to kiss me.

"Thank god, I thought I did something wrong or hurt you or…" he trails off with a little bit of worry but he returns my smile.

"Definitely not, you just overwhelm me in the best way… I don't know how to handle all of these positive feelings," I softly admit and Chuuya's lips are back on mine again, he tastes so sweet and I feel so loved, it makes me cry a bit more.

"Me neither honestly. I've had sex with a lot of people but it's always been for work… I've never been with someone out of love and it was mind blowing," he admits with a blush and I feel so happy to hear these words. Knowing that I got to be a first for him too feels really nice and makes this feel even more special. If I wasn't already crying before I definitely would be now. "'Sushi stop crying you're such a sap."

"I can't help it! I'm sorry, I'm just so happy and I love you."

"I love you too my sappy tiger," he says with a soft smile then his lips are back on mine and I'm pulling him impossibly closer to me. If this moment could last forever I would be in heaven, being totally relaxed and satiated with the most important person in the world to me is everything I could ever need. We kiss and touch and enjoy the afterglow for a while before Chuuya's normal antics kick in, he pulls away from my mouth and with insistence asks, "Can we please take a shower? I feel so gross." His pout and seriousness is highly amusing to me but I nod in agreement, a shower would feel great now, so I allow him to drag my tired body from the comfort of his bed and into his bathroom so we can enjoy each other again.


	19. Chapter 18 Part 2

Our post-sex shower feels so good on both of our exhausted bodies. We scrub each other down, mainly as an excuse for us to keep touching each other, and make out pretty much the entire shower. Chuuya of course teases me for my desperation and need for him but he's just as bad so I tease him back and I get his usual smirk. The more confident I get the more I can handle his comments and I always love the reaction I get. He really just likes making me flustered and causing mindless bickering between us and although he can be so frustrating I love him for it regardless.

By the time we make it back to his bed we only last a few minutes before exhaustion takes us and I feel like we sleep forever. When I wake up the next morning I have never felt so well rested in my life. The sun is shining and I feel so content. I stretch and reach over but to my disappointment I find there's no one beside me. The sheets where Chuuya previously laid are cold so he must have been gone for a while, I've come to realize that he's always up early, I seem to wake up alone a lot. I lay there for a few more minutes, enjoying the welcoming morning sun and just thinking about the night before, I feel myself blush as the memories flood back and I can only handle them for another minute before I make myself get up and head for his bathroom.

I straighten myself up a little bit and when I see my reflection I gasp; my neck and chest are covered in bruises and bite marks and I blush instantly at the sight. I gently run my fingers over them and I feel myself blush deeper as thoughts of Chuuya from the previous night take over my mind again, I really need to go find him before I make myself blush into oblivion so I quickly leave the bathroom and start my search.

He's not in the kitchen or living room which I find surprising, maybe he's not even here? Maybe he had to leave for work? But he didn't leave a note for me or anything so that would be odd if he just left… my mind starts panicking as I think of the idea that something bad happened to him then I hear music softly coming from down the hallway and I'm shocked that I didn't hear it before. Am I really that oblivious? I follow the sound and it leads to his office, which I have never been in, and I hesitate outside the door for a moment. Giving a gentle knock I wait a second before I peak my head in and I almost faint when I see Chuuya. The office is bright as the sun pours in from the large windows that surround the walls meeting in the corner, there's a desk with a computer on it that's playing the music I heard before, and I find Chuuya mid-workout. His skin is shiny with sweat and the sun coming through the windows definitely doesn't help with the way it gleams off him, making him look almost ethereal; his hair is tied up in a messy bun and he's mid sit-up when he catches me watching him. He gives me a smirk before the door is pulled open against my will, I'm completely caught off guard and I gasp. He laughs and I blush instantly, I always forget about his ability and it surprises me every time he uses it.

"Good morning," he says with a smile that I happily return.

"Good morning," I reply and he stretches his legs out on the ground and braces himself with his arms behind him. All of his muscles look so firm, he's only wearing a pair of shorts and I feel myself becoming more turned on by the second. I can't help but let my eyes travel over his chest and his abs and his thighs… I swear I'm drooling and when I hear Chuuya laugh again it snaps me back to reality.

"Are you just going to stare or are you going to come in?" he asks with another smirk and I can only nod my head as I step into his office. The room is big which surprises me, it's more of a living room than an office, and this room is all lighter tones like the guest room. It's refreshing. "How did you sleep?"

"Really well, I feel so good today. How about you?"

"Good, I've been up for a while… I was tempted to wake you up because I was bored but you looked so sweet I couldn't… so I figured I'd exert my energy in other ways," Chuuya says with a wink and I feel like I'm going to melt, I know I'm blushing a ridiculous amount.

"You ah- can wake me anytime you want, I wouldn't mind," I admit and it makes Chuuya smirk even more.

"Oh you wouldn't? Good to know," he says with an incredibly seductive tone and if I wasn't turned on before I certainly was now. We heatedly stare at each other for a short moment before I feel myself lifting off the ground, slowly and steadily I'm levitated about a foot up and I all but screech.

"Chuuya! Put me down!" I scream and Chuuya laugh's so hard he's crying, it only makes me react even more. I flail and yell "seriously I don't like heights! Chuuya-" but within a second my voice is cut off, I'm quickly pulled towards him then gently placed onto his lap. He grips my hips and I instantly grab for his shoulders, finally feeling secure again.

"Did you really think I would drop you?" he asks quietly and I blush at his change of demeanor, he goes from snarky to sweet in a second.

"N-no, I… was just really surprised."

"Yeah, your shocked expression and screaming gave that away," Chuuya grins and I gently smack his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I just really needed you," he says against my neck before he kisses my skin and I moan. Wrapping his arms around the small of my back he pulls me tighter to his body and my heartbeat begins to speed up. The feel of his sweaty and heated skin on my own instantly sets my body ablaze and with my hands still on his shoulders I push him back into the floor then kiss his mouth hard. He kisses me back just as eagerly, licking his tongue into my mouth and beginning to grind his hips up against mine, I grind back down harder and he groans deep into my mouth. "A-tsushi-" he growls into my mouth and in a second I'm flipped onto my back with my wrists pinned down to the floor above my head.

"Chuuya please-" I all but beg and feel no shame in doing so, all of my normal worrying and anxiety completely taken over by desire and desperation. Chuuya hums at my plea and slowly breathes along my neck before biting, hard- I arch my back at the sharp but pleasurable pain and try to move my arms but can't at all, Chuuya grinds against me at the same time and I moan louder than I thought possible. He continues rut himself against me and I can't control how quickly I'm aroused by his actions, trying to squirm under his grip to free myself fails and I feel powerless against him. "Ch-Chuuya, god please-" I beg again and he bites along my neck and up to my ear where he continues to nibble, making me arch up into him again. Everything feels way too sensitive, sending heat throughout me like wildfire.

"What's wrong?" he asks sharply before biting my lobe again and my body jolts at the sting.

"S-stop teasing me, I-I can't take it."

"Stay here, I'll be right back," Chuuya says with a quick kiss to my lips then he's off of me and out of the room. I lay there in a haze for a moment before my rational thought comes back to me and I sit up, aroused and confused and wondering why Chuuya just left me. I blink a few times and debate getting up to see where he went but he told me to stay here so I should probably listen. Every inch of my skin feels like it's burning and I realize how achingly hard I am now that the friction from Chuuya is gone. Without even thinking I reach down and grind the heel of my palm along my clothed erection and instantly moan, that one movement alone felt incredible and I crave more. I grip myself and stroke, again and again and even though it's over fabric I feel myself begin to sweat and I'm lost to the sensation. Imagining it's Chuuya touching me, moaning for Chuuya, I throw my head back and I know I'm so close but my movement stops when I hear Chuuya at the door. "You're horrible," he says as he strides towards me.

Snapping my head back up to stare at him I'm frozen as he crouches down on the floor in front of me, he swats my hand away from myself and I place it back behind me for stability while I watch him. His hands grip my briefs and he yanks them down and off then his mouth is on mine and his own hand replaces where mine was. He strokes me with a strong grip and his tongue is in my mouth and I cum with only a few flicks of his wrist, I wrap my arms around his neck and moan deep into his mouth as intense pleasure rolls through me again and again. He slowly strokes me through my high and I kiss him, deep and sweet and I feel him grin against my mouth.

"You just couldn't hold out huh?" Chuuya asks and I flush completely, embarrassed at how weak I am to him. He brings his now sticky hand up to his mouth and starts to lick himself clean, sucking every finger slowly with his eyes fixed on mine. It's tantalizing and so erotic watching him I feel the fire within me light again and I can't feel shame at how quickly my body reacts to him. He doesn't even have to touch me and I'm aroused again. "Let's go my tiger," he says after his last finger pops out of his mouth and he stands up, offering me a hand that I shakily grasp. He pulls me up but before I can stand he has me thrown over his shoulder and we're moving. I lightly smack his back and yell at him to put me down, to which he returns the smack but to my ass and I let out a sharp moan. When he sets me down I'm placed onto the ground in front of his fireplace. He lit a fire while he was gone and laid out a comfy bed in front of it which I'm shocked by, he's such a romantic and it's something I honestly never expected. I'm surrounded by fluffy blankets and plush pillows and Chuuya is sat between my legs, grazing his eyes over my body on display before him and I blush under his stare.

"Chuuya, please stop staring," I groan and his eyes flick up to meet mine, their usual blue is dark and the fire reflecting in them makes them look even more intense than ever.

"But you're so gorgeous," he starts as he leans down and starts kissing up along one of my legs, slowly and gently, and he trails his fingers along my other one. A shiver runs through me as he moves further up and the heat I've felt on my face spreads further and further down. "I love you so much, you know that right?" he asks quietly when he reaches my stomach, continuing his line of kisses as he travels up my torso.

"Y-yes, and I love you too," I stutter, I can barely breathe from Chuuya's soft and loving actions and the sensations they send through me. When he reaches my neck he runs his fingers along my throat softly and down my chest before his eyes meet mine.

"I really marked you up last night huh?" he questions with a soft smile and I bite my lip in return.

"Y-yeah, I love it though."

"Really? Then you won't mind if I do it all again," he breathes against my lips before they close the gap and he kisses me, his lips feel so soft against my own but full of emotion and it sends a flourish of feelings throughout my chest and my eyes begin to sting. The reality of our current situation hits me and I know I'm going to cry. Chuuya feels my obvious change in mood and backs up slightly just in time to see my tears begin to fall and concern hits his face instantly. Sitting back on his heels he gently grabs my hands and pulls me up to sit with him, "'Sushi, what's wrong?"

"I, you were gone… I was so scared-" I begin but I'm sobbing now, my chest is aching and my tears are flowing and my mind is screaming as all of the emotions I've been trying not to feel finally flood my body. Chuuya runs one thumb softly along my cheeks to wipe my tears away and when I look up at him I'm met with glossy blue eyes, his bottom lip bit between his teeth.

"I'm so sorry," he begins and his voice sounds so pained it makes me cry even more. I launch myself into his arms, wrapping my own around his neck and pull him into me as tight as I can. He holds me just as tightly and feeling him here so close is all of the reassurance I need that Chuuya is here, he's back, and he's safe. My anxiety calms down a bit but I can't let him go.

"I didn't know if you were okay, I-I didn't know what was going on… I was so scared for you and for Dazai," I confess as I try and stop my sobbing. Chuuya releases his grip on me slightly, instead holding me by the waist and leaning back just enough to see me. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are wide as he gazes back at me and I bite my lip from nervousness.

"I wanted to call you or text you or anything so bad… but Dazai wouldn't let me. He didn't want to get you involved or for you to know anything which was smart of him... I won't just leave you ever again I promise, I told Dazai I'm done with everything and I am. I have you to worry about now, not just myself, I can't deal with his shit anymore," Chuuya states with a firm expression and he looks so strong, I trust every word he says and hearing them makes me feel better, more secure though I'm still confused. I clasp my fingers behind his neck and pull him in to kiss me. It's the softest and most caring kiss he's ever given me and my heart flutters, I have to smile against his mouth.

"Thank you Chuuya, for everything, I'm so glad you're mine," I say as my heart aches in the best way and Chuuya gives me a soft smile that could light up a room.

"I'm so glad you're mine too, I'm the luckiest man alive," he says against my lips before he kisses me again and I feel like I could burst from happiness. I've never felt so warm and loved before in my life and I'm so glad that it's Chuuya who's making me feel this way. I want to ask him everything that happened when he was gone, I have so many questions but I decide to hold off; this moment right now is too good and I don't want it to end. I deepen our kiss and pull him close as I thread my fingers into his hair, he moans against my mouth and kisses me back with as much intensity, his fingers smoothly slide up my back. A chill runs up my spine at his touch then he gently lays me down again, his lips never leaving mine. I untangle my fingers from behind his neck then run one up into his hair and softly trail my fingers on the other down his chest, his stomach, feeling every muscle and curve of his body, my heart begins to race even more. Once my fingers travel lower they find the waistband on the shorts he's wearing and I daringly dip the tips of my fingers inside the fabric. Chuuya lets out a gasp against my mouth and it makes me inch them even further until I touch skin, he's so hard already I need to touch him. I grip my fingers around his length and stroke, this time he moans against my lips and my whole body comes alive with a shock of heat at his reaction. I continue my movements and it's not long until Chuuya is thrusting back against my hand. "At-sushi god, you're so good."

"You should get rid of these," I whisper against his lips as I bend my wrist against the elastic in his shorts and it takes about 2 seconds for Chuuya to be off of me, to remove the shorts, then be back on top of me in the same position. I can't help but giggle at his eagerness which makes him grin as his face hovers over mine. His eyes lock with my own and his gaze is so sweet and loving I feel my heart squeeze and beat even harder. I move my other hand to join the other in his hair and bite my lip as I try to voice my current thoughts but of course it proves to be harder than planned. "Ch-Chuuya? I-"

"What is it? You know you can ask anything of me," he says with a quick caress to my lips and I blush hard.

"I- can we, I want to… can I bottom?" I splutter out and internally smack myself at my lame choice of words though I'm pretty sure I got my point across. Chuuya just stares at me before grinning again and he kisses my cheek which makes me blush even more.

"I would love to but only if you're entirely sure, we don't have to do everything all at once," he says reassuringly and I just nod. I know that this is what I want, my whole body and mind is screaming for it. So, I act on impulse and move my hands down to his waist where I grip and pull him down onto me, our erections grinding together instantly and we both moan at the much-needed attention.

"I'm positive this is what I want, p-please Chuuya," I say before meeting his lips with my own and kissing him with all of my love and desire. He kisses me back with the same desperation, it's hot and needy and another shock of heat courses under my skin. Against my will Chuuya breaks our connection and sits up, running his hands up and down my thighs a few times.

"If we're going to do this we have to do it right, I'll be right back," he says with a final squeeze to my muscles before he gets up and heads down the hallway. I feel awkward and exposed and pray he comes back quick. The anticipation and nerves running through me make me feel fidgety and impatient. I turn my attention to the fire beside me and enjoy its heat, watching the flames helps me clear my anxious thoughts for a moment then Chuuya is back on the bed a lot faster than I anticipated. He takes his place back between my legs and kisses me like he never even left. His kiss is much needed and I pull him close to me as soon as I can. "How are you feeling?"

"I-I'm nervous and excited and I don't know what to do," I openly admit and Chuuya gives a soft laugh before kissing my lips again.

"Don't be nervous, we've done this before. I know this is a little different but I'll make you feel amazing I promise," he says with another kiss to my lips before he reaches down and grips my length, I practically scream at the abruptness of his actions but it's a much-needed relief. He starts to stroke me slowly and I bite my lip to try and stop myself from moaning too much, he can't feel this good already if I'm going to last, though I feel like I probably won't anyways. His mouth continues to move on mine, kissing and licking and biting at my lips, then he tilts his head just slightly to be able to slip his tongue into my mouth and I'm so glad he muffles the moan that escapes me. I wrap my arms around his neck and let him control my body, let him dictate my feelings, every caress to my mouth and every stroke to my cock adding to my burning desire even more. Every touch and action he does to my body has me aching and I need more, so much more, and I need it now before I explode.

"Chuuya, give me more, I-I need it," I stutter as he strokes me, each stroke hitting every sensitive spot just right and shooting pleasure through me with every passing second. He gives me a few more pecks to my lips before he sits up a bit.

"Whatever you say 'Sushi, just tell me if I need to stop," Chuuya responds quietly and I give a quick nod. He nods back in affirmation before I watch him reach over and grab the lube he must have gotten up earlier for. He applies a bit to his fingers then leans over me again, my hands taking up their place around his neck again. "Lift your legs up a bit baby," he asks against my lips and I obey instantly. A second later I feel his slick fingers against my hole and I instantly tense up at the foreign sensation. They start to slowly rub against me and Chuuya's lips kiss me just as softly, the more he continues his actions the better it feels and I start to relax slightly. "Are you okay?"

"I-I will be, just do it," I plead against Chuuya's lips. He teases his fingers against me for a few more seconds before he slips the tip of one inside me then slowly pushes it in. I bite my lip as it enters all the way and try my hardest to not tense up. Mentally begging Chuuya to move I manage to slightly lift my hips and he gets the idea, his finger begins to pump in and out of me and before long it starts to feel incredible. Moans begin to slip from me with every thrust and before I know it I'm begging for more. Another finger enters me and with two I feel discomfort, I grab Chuuya's wrist before he can move and he glances at me with concern. I bite my lip and let out a shaky breath before I pull him down to kiss me, he kisses me deep and his tongue instantly enters my mouth, tangling with mine and soothing my nerves. After a moment I let go of Chuuya's wrist to show I'm okay and he starts to move again, it's still uncomfortable but the more his digits slip in and out of me the more it begins to feel good. My hips begin to move with his actions to their own accord and I begin to moan. As his fingers start stretching me out more I feel slight shocks of pain but it's nothing I can't handle and Chuuya's mouth against mine is a wonderful distraction. He tastes so good and familiar, he always calms me but always revs me up, it's a delicious combo.

After a while I'm moaning and grinding against Chuuya's hand and I know I'm ready and this realization makes me nervous again. I begin to think about how this is the farthest we can go, this is official, this is _sex_ and I start to panic. I grip Chuuya's shoulders and gently push him back, he instantly looks anxious and it makes me feel even more nervous.

"Did I hurt you? What's wrong?"

"N-no, you feel incredible. I-I'm so ready for you but I'm scared," I admit with a blush and Chuuya blushes too. He leans up to kiss my forehead before slowly pulling his fingers out of me which feels more awkward than when we started this whole thing. He sits back and I follow him, sitting up myself. Reaching over he grabs the lube again but I steal it from his hands and squirt some onto one of my palms. The expression on Chuuya's face is almost shock but it quickly turns to a smirk.

"My tiger, you're so sexy," he begins and with his words I gain confidence and grip his length with my slicked hand and begin to stroke. His eyes flutter shut with a sharp exhale and I have to kiss him, he instantly kisses me back and grips my hair. "God, I was aching for your touch," he says against my mouth and I begin to stroke him faster, making sure to coat the head as much as I can. "You're so incredible fuck-" he bites against my lip before his hands on my shoulders push me back. My hand stays on his erection even as I fall back and he continues to kiss me though his intensity is higher, I can taste his desperation and I'm sure he can taste mine too. "Let me," he says after a second as his hand comes down to mine and moves it away, replacing the grip on his cock with his own. He guides himself down to my entrance and rubs himself along me a few times and we both moan. I grip his hair and I'm feeling every emotion I possibly could be. My heart is racing and I feel like I'm on fire.

"Please, please just do it," I whisper with a shaky breath and Chuuya nods, his head leaning down to kiss my neck. The head of his cock against my hole stills before he slowly pushes forward, slipping just the tip inside I feel myself tighten and the sting is indescribable. I grip his hair so hard it feels like I could pull it out, my breath hitches, and I shut my eyes tight. I know I need to breathe and try to relax and I force myself to do so as the thought hits me. Letting out the breath I'm holding I slightly loosen my grip on Chuuya's hair and open one eye. Chuuya looks anxious and full of anticipation then he kisses my cheek softly. "I-I… ow."

"I won't move I promise," he says with a kiss to my lips and I force myself to breathe again. "But you need to relax, it will really help. Breathe baby you're doing amazing," he reassures and I feel myself soften slightly at his words. One of his hands brushes my hair back and he kisses me again, so soft and sweet I feel myself begin to melt. I know I need him to move and I'm nervous but I give Chuuya a nod of my head to continue and he does, as slow as he can he continues to push forward and I exhale the entire time. When his hips hit mine I'm sweating and I wrap my legs around his waist. He doesn't move once he's all of the way in and I feel like I'm burning, I'm hurting in places I never have, and I can barely breathe. "'Sushi, breathe. I won't hurt you," Chuuya says as he kisses me again and I listen to him, I make myself breathe again and the more I do the more my body relaxes. After a few moments the intense sting I felt before dulls and I can actually think again.

"O-okay, move. Please move," I beg and Chuuya complies, withdrawing slowly then sliding back in just as slow. He begins a cautious rhythm as he thrusts and the more I get used to it the better it feels. After a few minutes his movements actually feel good and I'm moaning and my usual purring begins, I pull his hair to make him go faster. The faster he moves the more I find myself moaning and I'm more and more amazed at how good this feels. I'm pleasantly surprised considering how much pain I was in when this started only minutes ago. Chuuya begins kissing and biting at my neck as he really gets into it and it only adds to the pleasure that's building up inside me. Each nip on my skin hits me right in my gut and I moan with every thrust inside. I pull his hair tighter and Chuuya straightens his arms for leverage on either side of my head. He stares down at me with dark eyes and it makes me squirm. He looks so sexy and dominating it makes me groan and his thrusts pick up speed with that sound. "Ch-Chuuya fuck," I moan out and I watch as Chuuya bites his lip. He sits back briefly so he can throw one of my legs over his shoulder then leans back down, this new angle hits even deeper and I'm moaning even louder than before.

"How do you feel?" he groans against my neck with a deep, husky tone and that alone sends a shock straight to my cock. I let out a sharp moan at the same time as Chuuya's teeth sink into my neck and that steals the breath straight out of my lungs. All I can do is arch my back in response, every single thing he does feels even more intense and sends shocks through me again and again.

"Fucking a-amazing," I manage to reply then Chuuya begins to move even faster, practically slamming into me and I scream at the new pace. His hips slap into mine and I'm so overwhelmed by every sensation that's coursing through me. I want to cum so badly but I also want this to last as long as possible. "Ch-Chuuya, I'm not g-going to last," I spit out and yank at his hair to pull his mouth up to mine. His tongue is instantly in my mouth and he kisses me so hard I feel faint. He tilts his hips slightly and he hits something inside me that makes me scream again, it's the most intense sensation I have ever felt and I feel my eyes sting with tears. "Chuuya! Again, do that again fuck," I plead and he does, he continues his relentless pace whilst now hitting that spot over and over and I'm seeing stars.

"I love you so much," Chuuya moans against my lips and I cum instantly. Every nerve in my body comes alive and I can't make a sound as I'm hit with the strongest sensations of my life. I vaguely notice that I cum all over my stomach- all I can feel is the burn in my gut, the fire throughout my entire body, I'm blind for a second, and I can't breathe. I pull Chuuya's hair probably too hard and when I can finally breathe I moan, long and deep. I notice my tail had come into play at some point and was wrapped probably too tight around one of Chuuya's thighs so I quickly release it. Once I can finally feel my whole body again I notice Chuuya is still moving inside me of, slowly, coaxing me through my high and I realize how badly I want him to cum, I need it.

"Chuuya, Chuuya fuck, I love you too. Cum baby please," I beg as I pull his mouth to mine and bite his lip. He lets out a sharp moan at that and thrusts a little bit faster a few more times before he freezes and groans deep. His mouth leaves mine and he bites his lip, his arms begin to shake, and I feel him cum inside of me. I feel the pulse of his cock and the heat that begins to fill me and it turns me on again. Watching and feeling Chuuya cum is the most erotic thing I have ever experienced and I'm dying to experience it again already. Chuuya breathes hard and after a moment he collapses on me and I gasp before I wrap my arms around his back and hold him close. I kiss the top of his head and stroke my fingers down his back a few times before Chuuya moves just enough to carefully pull out of me and flop down on the makeshift bed beside me. When he pulls out it stings but not nearly as bad as before and I feel his cum slightly drip out of me, it's kind of gross but I realize I like it and I blush. Before I can contemplate this too much I roll over to face Chuuya and he's already watching me, he has a soft blush on his cheeks and his eyes are so shiny.

"Wow," is all he says and now I blush too. He rolls onto his side to face me too and trails his fingers along my face, brushing my hair out of the way, then rests his hand comfortably on my neck. "That was so incredible, I hope I wasn't too hard."

"No, no definitely not, ah- it was perfect," I say as I blush even more and Chuuya smiles the happiest smile I have ever seen and I swear I melt. I inch closer to him and he wraps an arm around my waist, holding me close, and I have never felt so loved in my whole life, I feel my eyes begin to sting again but I push the tears away as best as I can. "I love you so much you know."

"I know, I love you too Atsushi," Chuuya says with a smile and a kiss to my head. We lay like this for a while, spent and completely satisfied, and I'm pretty sure I can't move even if I needed to. My body is beginning to ache and I'm absolutely exhausted so I just lay here and enjoy the sound of Chuuya's heartbeat, his soft breathing, and his fingers trailing up and down my back. Before long I can't resist the overwhelming exhaustion that has taken over my entire body and I pass out with a soft kiss to Chuuya's chest, a gentle confirmation of my love for him.


	20. Chapter 19

6 Months Later

Summer turned to autumn then to winter and now the cold air around me bites at my skin as I walk down the sidewalk as quick as I can. I don't want to be in this freezing cold any longer than I need to be and I have to meet Chuuya so that motivation keeps me moving. As I walk I pull my coat tighter to my body and my scarf up a bit higher to cover my face more, it smells of Chuuya and I feel myself blush at the familiar scent. He insisted I take his scarf for warmth when the first snow fell and even though I knew it was his favourite one I accepted it, my selfishness took over since this is just one more thing to keep Chuuya close to me and having his scent surround me is instantly warming.

When I finally make it to the end of the path and into the parking lot I am instantly smiling under my scarf as soon as I see Chuuya's car, this means warmth and Chuuya and really that's all I need right now. So, I pick up my speed to a light jog until I make it to the car, pull the door open, and hop in as fast as I can. The heat inside instantly hits me and I feel warmer already, when I see Chuuya that heat only increases. I pull the scarf off my face and lean across the seat, place my arms around his neck, and kiss him soft and sweet. The warmth of his lips feels amazing against my cold ones and Chuuya gasps when our lips touch. He returns the kiss and quickly pulls away, bringing his fingers up to touch his own lips and I smile.

"Jesus you're freezing! And you covered me in snow god… did my scarf not help?" he asks with wide eyes and I just laugh.

"Sorry, but it did actually, I would have frozen entirely without it," I reply with a laugh and Chuuya kisses me once more before he sits back and I do the same, putting on my seat belt as Chuuya puts the car in gear.

"How was school?"

"Fine, same as usual. And how was your day?"

"Fine, same as usual," he replies with a glance to me and a wink, I squint my eyes in false annoyance back. "No, it was alright. I really miss being able to walk over and see you at your shop though, seeing you always made my day go faster."

"I'm sorry," I say blushing completely. "I wish I didn't have to lower my hours for school, I would much rather see more of you too."

"Well, you'll get to see plenty of me starting now, we get the whole weekend together," Chuuya says with a grin, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his lips to place a soft kiss there. My blush increases even more with this and when he lowers my hand, keeping ours clasped, I feel even warmer with every second.

We drive in silence the rest of the way back to my apartment and my mind wanders off to memories of the past. Things have been perfect since Chuuya and Dazai have returned and I couldn't ask for more. I've been back in school for a few months now, this will be my last year in college and then I'm free, which is bittersweet. This is Junichiro's last year too and he plans on moving a few hours away which is a bummer but if it's what's best for him I can only be happy, he will be successful I just know it. Once I'm done school I'm really not sure what I'll do, Chuuya says I could just work for him at his shop but I really don't think I would be a good fit there and I don't want to work under my boyfriend. The thought of this makes me smile and I glance over to Chuuya; his eyes are focused on the road but his thumb gently rubs along my hand, this simple action makes me smile even more. I'm honestly still amazed at how much my life has changed in such a short period, every time I think about it I always end up smiling.

We pull up along the curb outside of my apartment building and it pulls me out of my internal reminiscing, Chuuya squeezes my hand before he lets go of it to put the car in park and when his eyes meet mine he frowns.

"Do I really have to come in with you?" he asks with an obvious tone of annoyance and I give a sympathetic smile in return.

"You don't have to but I would like you to… I just want you to be civil and I won't take long I promise," I say as sweetly as I can and give Chuuya my saddest eyes possible. He keeps his gaze locked on mine for awhile before he finally sighs and looks away.

"Fine, I will try and be nice. You're lucky I love you."

"I love you too, now let's go," I say with a kiss to Chuuya's cheek before we leave the car to head into the building. The walk in and the ride up the elevator is silent, I can feel Chuuya's annoyance radiating off of him but his hand firmly holds mine so I feel a bit better. I drag him down the hall until we reach my door, there I turn to him and wrap my arms around his waist then lean in to place a tender kiss to his neck, he let's out a soft gasp. "If you be good I'll spoil you later."

"Oh? How so?" Chuuya manages with a slightly shaky voice and I smile, placing more kisses on his neck before I nip at his skin, causing him to moan and the sound is music to my ears.

"I'll do whatever you want, maybe even wear whatever you want too," I whisper against his ear before I move to kiss his lips, he kisses me back and wraps his arms around my neck to pull me closer. I bite along his bottom lip then slip my tongue into his mouth, tasting him and the faint remanence of smoke, I feel Chuuya go slightly weak in my arms as I caress his tongue. Pulling away with another bite to his lip I stand up straighter and Chuuya looks at me with dark blue eyes that make me feel like I may not stay standing either. "Do we have a deal?"

"Yes, I suppose, though you really are asking a lot from me."

"Chuuya, you only have to see Dazai for like 5 minutes, you can be civil," I say as I push my key into the doors lock and open it. We walk inside and I find Dazai curled up on the couch with Ryuu, a blanket wrapped around them both. These two ending up together was incredibly shocking when it first happened, myself, Junichiro, and even Ranpo we're all surprised by the entire situation. When Ryuu was first hired we knew he knew Dazai somehow though he refused to tell us how. After the whole debacle of Dazai and Chuuya leaving had resolved, Dazai had tried to come back to his job but when he walked into the shop and seen Ryuu his eyes lit up instantly and he completely disregarded our screaming boss. Dazai of course called me out and asked why I didn't tell him about the new employee and I was just confused to say the least. It turns out that Dazai and Ryuu had went on a date once a long time ago, but Dazai stood him up and never called again. This behavior shocked none of us but what was shocking was that Ryuu actually agreed to a second date, Ranpo flat-out called him an idiot. They had met back when Dazai was in the escort business and Dazai explained to me that he was in a really bad place back then, so now that he met Ryuu again he felt like it was fate and that he could redeem himself. So far, he has been doing well and I have to say I am impressed.

"Atsushi-kun! Welcome home. Hello Chuuya," Dazai says with his usually happy smile and Chuuya's only reply is a stiff smile and a single wave. I roll my eyes and pull him along with me further into the apartment, he really needs to get over himself.

"Dazai-san, hi! And hello Ryuu," I say with a smile to which I receive a makeshift smile and a quiet 'hi'. "I'm just grabbing some things then we're leaving."

"Ahhh I see, so do I get the apartment alone for the weekend?" Dazai asks with a grin, Ryuu blushes and hides further into the blanket, Chuuya scoffs.

"Aha, umm, yes…" I trail off with a blush when I realize why Dazai is asking, Ryuu looks like he may faint.

"Wonderful! Now we won't have to worry about being too loud! Ryuu~ this is great isn't it?" Dazai asks as he pulls Ryuu even closer to his side and the boy looks like he may die from embarrassment right there, I give him a reassuring smile.

"Yeah ah-, please don't do anything too wild… I really don't want another noise complaint."

"Atsushi-ku~n you ruin my fun! Ugh, fine, we will try and behave," Dazai says with a wink and I literally facepalm then pull Chuuya with me down the hall to my room where he slams the door behind him.

"He is such a fucking moron," is all he says and I smile softly.

"He means well," is really all I can say because at this moment I have to agree. Dazai acts like this all of the time but I know he truly does care about Ryuu, his entire demeanor has changed since he has been with him and it has actually helped him become a better person. He found a job at a bank working in loan management and it has been perfect for him- he says he gets to dictate peoples lives by either giving or declining them money for their businesses and that apparently makes him happy. I worry about Dazai's sadistic tendencies but if he's happy then I'm happy. He hasn't gone on one of his 'adventures' since he's been back and that is really what has been the most significant change with him, he doesn't crave suicide as much and I personally need to thank Ryuu for that, he seems to have given Dazai a reason to live. Being around Dazai nowadays has been a lot happier, even though now he runs his mouth even more than he ever used to and it makes everyone around him embarrassed. Though he seems to love it.

It's been months since everything happened and there is still tension between Chuuya and Dazai. Chuuya explained everything that happened during their trip to me and even though Chuuya never did lose his business and they have both stayed out of trouble, he still refuses to talk to Dazai. I know his reasoning and I really can't argue with him on his decision. Dazai has always been good to me but I know how horrible he was to Chuuya and that is something that can never be forgiven, Chuuya is also incredibly stubborn so I know he will never make-up with Dazai.

But at the same time I also heard Dazai's side of the story and I really do feel for his situation. When I came back to our apartment after spending the weekend at Chuuya's, Dazai seemed very off. He wasn't his usual cynical, grinning self and I knew something serious must have happened, so when he sat me down on the couch with him and told me everything that I had already heard from Chuuya I started crying. Though I already knew everything he said it was the way he said it, I could hear the heartbreak in his voice, he gripped my hand for some kind of support, he seemed frail and broken down, that's how I know he didn't mean Chuuya any harm this time and that he just got caught up in a bad situation. I knew I could believe the emotions he was showing me because he never shows me any emotion to begin with, so if he's being vulnerable he's being genuine. This is what I wish Chuuya would understand, is that Dazai really is changing into someone better, but I doubt that will ever happen. I at least have Chuuya trying to be civil around him now and that is definitely an improvement from where we started.

"Can we hurry up and go?" Chuuya asks as his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me out of my thoughts. He kisses the back of my neck and a shiver instantly shoots down my spine, I can't help but to relax into him. I turn around enough in his arms so I can see his face and I'm met with fierce eyes and a tight, thin line of a frown. "I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."

"Okay, okay. If you let go of me I can pack quicker," I say with a kiss to Chuuya's forehead and he blushes as he lets me go. He decides to sit on my bed and grovel while I pack and I try to make this take as short amount of time as possible, being in the presence of an annoyed Chuuya can be really exhausting. So, I pack as fast as I can, grab my bag, yell a quick bye to Dazai and Ryuu, then we're out the door.

The next morning I awake in a confused state. It's early, too early, the sun is barely shining through the windows yet but I know I'm awake for a reason. Then it hits me, a sharp sensation shoots through my body and I let out a loud moan, my grogginess starts to vanish almost immediately when I realize the situation. Chuuya's mouth is hot and wet along me, I can't see him, he's hidden under the sheets, but I feel every single thing he does. His nails dig into my hips to hold me still, his tongue is pressed firmly against my erection, he moans and the vibration almost makes me lose it. My back arches against the bed with a groan of Chuuya's name. I feel the wet heat that is encompassing me slip off and it's only a second before Chuuya flips the covers back. His hand takes its place on my cock, stroking me slowly while Chuuya gives me a grin, his blue eyes bright and full of lust.

"Good morning," he says with a gentle lick to the head of my dick, his eyes flutter shut as he swirls his tongue and I moan again, head thrown back into the pillows. "And how are you?" he asks like this is just a normal conversation over tea and I practically choke. Chuuya's tongue licks up along me then his mouth sucks just on the head and I lose it. My holy body tenses and I cum, hard and fast, right into Chuuya's mouth. He continues to lick and suck along me as I cum and it only makes it more intense, my back arches completely off the bed and I grip his hair tight. My body twitches and shakes for a moment before I can finally breathe again and I glance down at Chuuya. He slowly strokes me as I come down and I have to beg him to stop as I get too sensitive. Once he's content with how much he's messed me up he slides up my body and lays on me, I wrap him up in my arms and kiss him, he moans softly as he kisses me back.

"I'm fantastic," I finally say to answer his question and he gives me a smirk.

"I'm so glad," he says with another kiss to my lips. "Now that you're awake we need to get up and get ready to go, I have something planned for us."

"Do we have to get up now? I'm so relaxed and tired," I say with a whine and hold Chuuya tighter. He sighs then tries to move but I have him firmly in my grasp, he gives up after a few tries then nips at my neck which makes me moan.

"We have to get up and you have to take care of me, you owe me," Chuuya says with a harder bite to my neck as he grinds his hard length against me and I gasp. "Have your way with me in the shower please?" he innocently begs against my neck and I really can't resist him, he's too sexy and adorable all at once, so I let him go and we make our way to his shower to start the day.

When we make our way out into the cold to get to Chuuya's car I instantly regret leaving the warmth and comfort that is his bed, I should have never let him convince me to follow his plans. But, instead we are bundled up in coats and scarves, freezing in his car while we wait for it to heat up, thankfully this doesn't take too long. After Chuuya tells me to quit whining about freezing we are cruising down the street to wherever Chuuya's plans take place, he wouldn't give me a single hint and now my mind is racing with the possibilities. We turn down busy streets that gradually change to fewer cars and more residential neighbourhood's though the area we are currently in looks expensive. When Chuuya finally pulls over to park my confusion has increased even more and I look at him with wide eyes.

"I've been looking into moving out of my apartment for a while and I found this house, I like it but I wanted to show you it too," he explains nonchalantly and I feel my heart race. I look out the window at the house and it's large; dark stones surround the entire exterior of the house, there's a wood porch on the front with a matching wood awning that covers the space, the windows are wood too and litter all of what I can see. The house is beautiful and I'm both excited and nervous to see the inside.

"Why didn't you tell me you were moving?"

"Eh, I wanted to surprise you. My apartment was feeling too small and I wanted something different," Chuuya says then leans over to kiss me, his warm lips welcomed by my own cold ones gratefully. "Now let's go!"

When we walk into the house the space is huge, light pours in from the large windows, and the floors are all a dark hardwood. There's a grand, wooden staircase at the front entrance that leads upstairs but we stay on the main floor and walk around there first. When Chuuya said he wanted something different this house was definitely that, all of the rooms were large with high ceilings and white walls, the door ways were encased in wood. There was no furniture or anything at all but the house already felt warm and cozy, like it had been lived in with happy memories for years before. Chuuya explained as we walked around that the house was over 150 years old and that all of the hardwood was original. The family that previously lived here had kept the house within the family since it was built so that's why it was so well preserved. I was amazed by every single room we walked through as Chuuya explained the house's story and I felt warmth all through me.

We eventually made it to the staircase and made our way up it to see the rest of the house. There were 3 bedrooms that were all a good size but the master suite was massive. It had its own bathroom and a huge walk-in closet with double doors to enter it, this room too was white but Chuuya explained that he definitely had plans for this room and wanted to paint it and make it perfect. I made my way over to one of the windows and glanced out to the backyard, it too was large but it was hard to see with the dusting of snow though it looked beautiful. The view from this room was remarkable, there were trees surrounding the yard and it felt so private and enclosed, like you would be in your own little oasis always. Chuuya's arms sneaked around my waist and his touch scared me out of my zoning, I turned to face him and he had a soft blush to his cheeks which made me smile.

"Do you like this house?" he asks quietly and his gentleness makes me blush too.

"I really do, it's beautiful Chuuya. Have you made an offer on it yet?" I ask and Chuuya looks away for a moment but when his eyes meet mine again he's grinning.

"Actually, I already bought it. This house is mine," he says and I gasp in complete shock which makes Chuuya laugh.

"You what?! You bought this house already? Why didn't you show me it before? Or mention that you wanted to move?" I say quickly as I throw too many questions out all at once and this makes Chuuya laugh a bit more.

"Because I wanted to surprise you my tiger, I knew you would like this house as much as I do," he responds with a more serious tone. His hands make their way to my neck where he softly places them, his thumbs rest just along either side of my jaw and I feel my heart race a little faster at his embrace. "How would you like to live here with me?" As soon as the words leave his mouth I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest and onto the hardwood, my mouth feels dry, my knees feel weak. I stare at Chuuya in shock and after a moment I see him begin to bite his lip and I know he must be feeling anxious.

"I- what? You want me to live here? Chuu- when did you, I don't know what to say," I stammer since my brain isn't functioning properly and Chuuya gives me a soft smile and his thumbs lightly brush along my jaw in a calming motion.

"Just say yes," he says quietly. I feel tears begin to well up in my eyes and I know I'm going to cry, all I can do is nod my head in confirmation because I know I want this. As soon as we walked into this house is felt like home and now I know why. Chuuya beams at me before he pulls me down to kiss him, his grip on my neck tightens, I pull him into me by his waist and kiss him back. He feels so warm and urgent against my lips and it sends heat all through me, I return the kiss with all of my emotions I am currently feeling and I swear I could faint from how overwhelmed I feel. I'm excited and scared and anxious and overjoyed, everything right in this moment feels perfect. When Chuuya pulls away from me his eyes are glistening, the sun shining through the window onto them and showing how teary he is, making the blue in them practically glow. His hands move down to my chest and I pull him into me just a little closer, "Welcome home Atsushi," he whispers loud enough for me to just hear and I feel my heart tighten in the most incredible way. Everything I have ever wanted feels like it's falling into place and I couldn't be happier, this is everything I have ever needed, Chuuya is everything I have ever needed and I could never ask for more happiness than I have right now.


End file.
